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World’s Smallest Golf Course.

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This is your brain on golf...
This is your brain on golf…

Bobby Jones once said “Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half inch course– the space between your ears.”

I understand he was referring to playing on a higher level than your average golfer’s weekend outing but, there is definitely something here for every golfer. I think we’ve stumbled upon something disproving the age old saying “Ignorance is bliss.”

Do we ever stop and think that the mental game is just about as important as the physical game? I’d bet maybe 75% of average golfers say they are just out there to have fun. I get it; me too but, how much fun is it when it takes you four attempts to get on the green from five yards out? That five-and-a-half-inch course Jones talks about is a real mother-f’er.

Ah yes, using the old bean. I can only imagine the thought process that a pro golfer goes through on every shot. Then again, that’s another gray area; If you think too much it’s not good and if you don’t think at all you may look like a jack-ass. Ultimately, I’m guessing the goal is to master that small course as best you can first.

As bad a golfer as you may be, stop and think about what you are doing out there. Learn about the game and the basic strategies. Pretty soon you will be having fun sinking birdie or eagle putts. I’ve realized that the game becomes more fun when I challenge the course as it does me. No matter what my end score is, I’ll walk away and trully say I had fun.

Just my $0.02

Hit’em long…yell FORE!

Are USGA Rules Taking It Too Far?

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Do the rules of golf overdo it?
Do the rules of golf overdo it?

Back in April of this year, Brian Davis- fairly new to the tour, loses his chance to win the Verizon Heritage and $400,000 because he ticked a reed during his backswing while in a hazard.

He didn’t intend to touch the reed to improve his chances. And I’m pretty sure that didn’t give him any advantage. Brian, sorry to see you concede your first possible victory in such a crappy way. At least you can say you came in second to Jim Furyk.

There should be a referee out there with instant replay that could make a better call than some rule taken to the highest level of anal retentiveness. Seriously, he barely nicked a dead reed…A DEAD REED! Everybody knows that contacting a dead reed in your backswing makes you play better. The best part is that if he hit it on the downswing there’s no penalty. I understand moving a low hanging branch or stepping on a bush to improve your shot is a penalty but, come on!

So what if I’m in really tall grass, like heather, and in my backswing I contact a loose dead piece of heather? It impedes on my shot…it’s friggin’ tall grass! Normal fairway grass gives me agita* sometimes. Does that mean I get taxed 2 strokes? Great, now I have to inspect my surroundings for any loose blade of grass that could interfere with my takeaway.

Now that I think about it, I need to go back and readjust all of my scores. Better yet, I’ll just start my rounds with + 8. That should cover the penalties I would incur so I don’t have to explain that during my backswing somehow the O.B. marker and the rock in front of my ball got relocated roughly five feet behind me. Are we really supposed to follow the rules to that degree?

Hey, there’s a way to really mess with your foursome. Keep a copy of the rule book turned to Rule 13.4 stating that it is a two stroke penalty moving a loose impediment in takeaway. I’ll bet you set your buddies back a few strokes every round. I should also mention that the extra strokes added to their score will somehow correlate to the amount of strokes they administer on your face in the parking lot.

Hit’em Long…yell FORE!!

*Agita: (AH-GEE-TA) Heartburn, acid indigestion, The word is Italian-American slang derived from the Italian “agitare” meaning “to agitate.”

Records, Shmecords…Cut Me My Check.

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checkbook-688352_1280
On tour you can finish next to last and still get paid!

In what other sport can you have a record of 2-13 and get paid for not winning? Just ask Ernie Els; the #1 ranked golfer on the money list.

As Henry Hill had put it in the movie “Goodfellas”; “Business bad? F#@$ you pay me!” Golfing bad? You got it, pay me. You know, “bad” might not be the right word. He is on the tour. So maybe “Golfing and not winning all the time?” but you get the point…

Just think about how great a system that is. It’s almost like: Hey, we know you haven’t won a major yet so here’s a way to be ranked and noticed. PLEASE NOTE: In no way, shape or form am I taking away from Els. He’s one of my favorites along with Lefty, who is #2 in the world and #2 on the Money List.

Could you imagine if top MLB pitchers like Johan Santana, Cliff Lee or Josh Johnson were to have a record of 2-13. Would you expect any bonuses coming their way? Maybe a surprise – a set of keys to a new Porsche in his locker from his agent? Probably not. They would be seeking help medically, mentally or even from a witch doctor deep in the Congo to get them out of that slump.

From a marketing standpoint, a money list is another great way to feature and give recognition to great golfers that may not be winning all the tourneys but are placing in the top 10 fairly consistently. Should this actually be the list that proves who is number one in the world? Last time I checked, Tiger was #1 in the world and Els was #6. I guess the world rankings use your current and previous year to give you a ranking. So, if you were #1 last year and haven’t really played much this year, you can still be #1…hmmmm.

The next thing these top money earners have to do is play in more events. That’s my only request for these guys. I understand you have families and have to spend time with them, but you are a pro tour golfer and role model. One or two extra tourneys a year wouldn’t hurt.

Just my $0.02…hit’em long, yell FORE!!!

Golf Dude In The Basement

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Let Golf Dude in the Basement help you!
Let Golf Dude in the Basement help you!

In my pursuit to find anything unorthodox and interesting in the golf world, I’ve come across something that normally we do not write about – swing/golf lessons.

You see, Golfstinks‘ mission is to unite the average golfer and provide a community for them, not necessarily tell them how to play better. In this instance though, Golf Dude In The Basement presents helpful insight to improving your golf game without really telling you what to do. Weird, I know.

GDIB’s approach to game improvement takes a different angle than the keep your back straight-shoulder facing the target- knees slightly bent- BLAH BLAH BLAH generic formula to play better golf. One of the Dude’s (as he refers to himself) theories is to hit the ball the way you want to hit it. In one of his episodes he talks about Ben Hogan and his swing. He said Ben Hogan swung the way he did out of motivation…he had to make a living. Hogan didn’t work on his swing for hours and hours. He hit balls for hours and hours with his swing because that’s what worked for him.

Very interesting, just get out there and play. I can dig that! If Ben Hogan supposedly had the perfect swing than how does someone like Jim Furyk with his funky swing play on the tour and win? Because Furyk’s swing works for Jim Furyk. He hits the ball the way he wants to hit it. The more I think about it the more I like the concept. A simple no BS way to attack the game.

When you get a chance, head on over to Golf Dude In The Basement and check him out for yourself. As always, hit’em long…yell FORE!

The Lazy Person’s Ideal Golf Cart

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Black_Recliner
Wouldn’t it be great if we could relax while we golf?

Do you find yourself taking the elevator instead of the stairs even though the building is two floors? Will you watch something on TV you don’t want to just because you’re on the La-Z-Boy and the remote is out of reach?

As America gets lazier (so says medical and health officials) and technology improves, I figured I would present a few ideas that would make a lazy golfer’s round more accommodating by combining technology with laziness.

1. Concierge – What other amenity adds class and lets you be carefree than a concierge? You call them, tell them you want to play at whatever time and voila, easy as that. They make sure every thing is ready when you come, such as…

2. Curbside Check-In – part of the concierge’s duties is to have an attendant ready with a golf cart at your spot in the parking lot. Who the heck wants to walk to the club house anymore? How can you avoid going into the clubhouse to check-in and pay? Technology, my friend, something along the lines of this…

3. Golf Cart 2.0 – You’ve parked and there waits for you a technologically advanced cart with GPS and a touchscreen display on a secured wireless network. From this display you can pay for the round and it’s a digital scorecard to boot. It would be silly if that’s all this thing did…glad you asked. Here’s what else:

  • Order food or beverages from the touchscreen display and have the MOFOBETE deliver it to wherever you are. Thanks GPS!
  • Want a cigar or sunscreen? No worries, just like the food and drinks, order it on your wireless touchscreen display and within minutes the delivery hits your cart. GPS, you’re the best!
  • Left a club, club head cover or your weed stash behind? Fear not! Punch that in to GC 2.0’s computer and out come the hounds. Soon enough a Go-Fer will show up with your belongings. Unless some greasy scumbag behind you scoops your goods. GPS…you got the picture.
  • And yes, this will also give you distances to the green and what not. Hey, maybe even the pro’s tip for that hole.

We could go into further detail but that would require more work (hence making me a hypocrite seeing that this is about being lazy). Not for nothing but I think I’m on to something here. It’s kind of funny though, working so hard to design something to be so lazy…

Hit ’em long, yell Fore!

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