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Do Cheaters Ever Win?

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Let’s say you’re on the last hole. You currently stand at 84 and have never before broken 90. You’re on a par-5 and launched your drive into the woods, but not OB. Out of sight of the rest of your group, you flub your next shot and it manages to bounce only a couple of feet in front of you. Now you’re about to hit your third shot, you’re still in the woods and you realize there’s now no chance of breaking 90. Or, is there?

Sure, there’s always the chance you could pull some miracle shot out from between your cheeks. But you also know that it would take a miracle just for the chance to make that miracle happen. So instead, you take a second to look around, see that no one saw your screw-up…and you hit again. Perfect! You’re back out on the fairway, and as far as anyone knows, it only took you two to get there. Now, you have a realistic chance of breaking 90. But, do you really?

Without a doubt, cheating happens in golf all the time, but I have to wonder why? Take the example above. Sure, your scorecard is going to show an 89; your buddies think you broke that elusive 90. But you know the truth. You know you didn’t do it. So what’s the benefit really? One number on a scorecard? Is that it?

I want to say I understand in a situation like that. But I don’t. I mean, did it win you a bet? Did it win you a tournament? Did it do anything significant? Or is it just something you can tell a story about…even if it is a lie? No matter what the reason, it isn’t good enough.

Everyone always says that you play the game of golf against yourself. Everytime you go out there, you try to beat your best. So, by knocking strokes off of your score that shouldn’t be knocked off…aren’t you just cheating yourself?

Look, I’m no angel out on the course. I don’t play golf 100% by the rules. I don’t carry a rule book around in my pocket or in my bag. I don’t study or memorize the rules either. As a matter of fact, I’ve never so much as looked at the rule book. I hit the ball, walk to it, hit it again. I keep doing this, more or less, until the ball is in the hole. I probably violate a rule here and there. Maybe I move a stick I’m not supposed to move. Maybe that’s cheating. Whatever. The one thing I have never done, intentionally anyway, is not count a stroke. Really now, is the difference between my 102 or 101 that big a deal? What would that one stroke do for me? Especially considering I know I cheated?

There will always be cheaters, no matter the sport; no matter the reason. But I promise, I will not be one of them. How could I ever take my game seriously if I can just write on the card whatever score I feel like writing? So everyone can take it to the bank – if you’re playing a round with me, you will beat me fair and square. You can count on a fair game from me.

Unless we’re playing for money…

The Gateway To A Golf Paradise

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Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and myself, along with two other golfing buddies, took a trip to Hilton Head Island for a golf getaway. We had a great hookup from one of my relatives who owned a condo on the island. This was the first real golf trip any of us had taken, and it was certainly one to remember.

I could get into the many details of the trip, but I can much more easily sum it up with one comment. While riding in a cart down one of the fairways of Palmetto Dunes, enjoying the beautiful views of the Atlantic, Greg turns to me and says simply…”Thank you. Seriously…thank you. This is awesome.” He was right. It was awesome.

Recognize that picture? Of course you do. It’s the famous Harbour Town Lighthouse at Sea Pines. We’ve all seen it. But have you ever had the chance to see it in person? Well thanks to a new website launched by The Golf Channel, here’s your chance. If you’ve been there before, then here’s your chance to do it again. For a great golf getaway, take a peek at http://www.hiltonheadgolf.com/.

For any golfers who haven’t yet found their way to Hilton Head, my friends, you are truly missing out on a great golf experience. Now I’ve never been to Myrtle Beach, but as it’s been described to me, Hilton Head is Myrtle Beach with better golf and without the touristy feel. I can attest to both of those points.

As for the golf, during a short trip, we managed to squeeze in two rounds of 18, one round at Palmetto Dunes and the other at Shipyard. Those two rounds being not quite enough, on the morning of our final day, we squeezed in another 9 holes at Sea Pines (home of Harbour Town) on the Ocean Course. Each round was an experience like no other. Be it the stunning ocean views, gators walking past the greens as you’re putting or the beautiful, lush courses themselves…it’s tough to beat the variety of courses you’ll find on Hilton Head. Even if you can’t make it to Harbour Town, you’re sure to do fine with any of the courses The Golf Channel has featured for you here.

Let’s not forget though, there’s much more to a golf trip than just golf. What about food? As far as I’m concerned, food is a close second to the golf itself. Luckily, the good people at The Golf Channel have similar feelings as they’ve provided a dining guide on the site as well. Oh, and I can personally vouch for a number of restaurants on that list including Antonio’s, The Crazy Crab and Harbourside Burgers & Brews at Sea Pines just to name a few.

Since my last visit to Hilton Head, I’ve always wanted to make a return trip. Now that The Golf Channel has made it so easy, I have almost no excuse. The courses, food, places to stay and even packages…it’s all right there at your fingertips.

For those golfers who have yet to visit Hilton Head….you don’t know what you’re missing. After visiting twice (once for golf and once for relaxation…and, no…they’re not the same thing), I’m still looking forward to going again. If nice weather, great golf and a laid back, relaxing environment are what you’re looking for, then http://www.hiltonheadgolf.com/ is a great place to start.

I Never Realized How Much I Stink at Golf Until…

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…I heard the name Bobby Wyatt. I’m sure by now most of you have heard about Wyatt’s 57. No, that’s not a new brand of whiskey you’ll find on the shelves of your local packie. It’s a golf score. On 18 holes. On a regulation golf course. By a 17-year old. Under the pressure of playing in a state championship.

But for some reason, it didn’t seem to get the publicity one would imagine considering its rarity. How rare is it? Well, unofficially, only three times has a lower score ever been recorded and on none of those previous occasions was the course over 6,500 yards.

How amazing is that 57 in comparison to my golf game? Let’s put it this way – I came home from a round once and had my wife ask me how I did. I responded “I shot a 59.” She said “I thought you were playing 18?” Even my wife, who admittedly has no clue what the scores mean, knows enough that I have no chance of EVER approaching that number on 18 holes.

But that’s OK…that’s not why I play. However, seeing someone shoot a round containing more birdies than I have recorded in twelve years is still quite humbling, no matter your skill level. So as if watching this kid, who is half my age, single-handedly makes my quest to one day break 90 seem pathetic and meaningless…I wondered about a couple of other golf feats that I would never approach. Here are the two that stood out most…

Holes-in-One:
I have yet to record one. I once came within about a foot on the same hole, in the same round, as one of my playing partners who came within about 3 inches. Otherwise, I’ve never really threatened to drop in the all-elusive ace. But Norman Manley? According to the United States Golf Register, Norman supposedly has 59 aces in his golfing career. 59!

Considering I have seen the odds of a hole-in-one range anywhere between 1 in 40,000 to 1 in 1,000,000, I really have to question the amount of truth behind that number. Is it legit? Is it a hoax? Is it an “I caught the biggest fish I’ve ever seen in my life but no one was there to see it” tale? I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it ranks right there with crop circles and Wilt Chamberlain’s extra-curricular activities.

Longest Drive:
Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing in a local tournament. We came upon a “long-drive” hole and Greg asked me if I was going to give it a go. Not one to back down from a challenge, I pulled out my shiny new Big Bertha (which has since found its way to eBay), lined up my drive and let loose a bomb like I’ve never hit before. When I reached the ball, I believed it to be the longest drive I’d ever hit – 320 yards. I knew it was 320 because just five yards in front of me was the marker for the longest drive of the day. Close, but no cigar. This drive however, was child’s play in comparison to that of a drive recorded by “Mighty” Mike Austin.

In 1974, Austin, who was already well known for his long drives, released a 515-yard missile during the U.S. National Seniors Open Championship. I understand it happened in a tournament and it’s recognized as the longest drive ever in competition…, but 515? By a (at the time) 64 year old man? Using golf club technology that is 36 years old? For comparisons sake, muscle-bound men, competing in long drive championships with clubs custom built for distance in competition cannot hit that far with today’s technology. As a matter of fact, the long-drive competition record is 539 – only 24 yards farther.

I’m sorry, but this one ranks right up there with Mantle’s 565-foot home run. I just can’t really believe that’s true, and physics backs it up. Especially when I have seen juiced-up guys like Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds hammer shots that have not even approached that mark. I’m sure it was a long drive, but it wasn’t 515 yards. Unless that tournament was taking place on the moon.

Whether or not these “records” hold true, they are marks that will likely never be challenged by me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll try. Anytime I come upon a par-3…I’ll be looking for my first ace. Any long-drive hole that crosses my path…I’ll do my best to make my mark. After all, like every other one, these records are made to be broken.

Golf Equals College

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Want your kids to be debt-free after college? Get them into golf ASAP!
Want your kids to be debt-free after college? Get them into golf ASAP!

We’ve all heard the expression about the two things in life you can count on…death and taxes. Well, you can add a third to that list – the rising cost of college tuition.

It seems to make no difference what the economy does, college tuition continues to rise. The unemployment rate rises, jobs disappear, businesses close their doors…it makes no difference. College tuition rises.

According to the College Board, the average, per-year cost of a four year private college rose 4.4% for the 2009-10 academic year. And the public schools rise was an even steeper 6.5%! Now I don’t know about anyone else, but I have three kids, my oldest being only six years away from college. So considering the tuition increase every year, how much is college going to cost then? How am I going to afford it? What are my options? Well, I’ve got one hope at least…a scholarship. Specifically, a golf scholarship.

A converstaion recently sparked up between a co-worker and I regarding our kids college tuition. Upon discussing the costs he says to me, “Why do you think I’ve started my kid playing golf? If he’s a half-way decent player that could help get him into a school at least.” So right away, the hamster in my head started running on his wheel.

I’ve mentioned before that my boys are pretty athletic. They’re both good basketball players and this year also proved to be the stars of their baseball team. But considering the popularity of both sports at the collegiate level, a scholarship may be a bit of a stretch.

But golf? Not only is it far less popular on the collegiate level, but scholarships come from places other than the schools themselves. Several outside organizations provide scholarships as well, some not requiring kids to be one of the top golfers on their high school team – they merely require an interest to be shown in the game, or a commitment to participate in some form in the future. Hell, my oldest is showing interest in the game now! And without so much as a single lesson (he’s had nothing more than a few swing tips from me of all people) he’s showing some signs of excelling at golf in the same way he does baseball and basketball. With any luck at all, he can at least get a partial scholarship. Hey, every little bit helps! And this way he can get his foot in the door to a college education and take a bit of the strain off mom & dad!

During my time out of work, I interviewed at many different companies with many different people. Some were the owners of the companies at which I was interviewing. Some were management or in human resources. But no matter where I was or with whom I was meeting, I noticed a strange trend. Many employers seemed to have been less interested in a college degree. Upon meeting with the owner of one company at which I was interviewing, I was asked why I didn’t go further in college than I did. After I answered, his exact words to me were “I personally could care less about a college degree. As far as I’m concerned, college is bull****. It’s where you go to meet people who will eventually help you find a job.”

Pretty funny, and an interesting take on what I found to be a bit of a trend. But despite what I’ve noticed….I still prefer my kids go to college. The problem is going to be paying for it. So any edge I can find, I’m taking it.

Until that conversation with my co-worker, I didn’t look at my kids playing golf as anything more than something for them and I to do together for years down the line. But now I’m looking at it a bit differently. I’m looking at golf as the means to my kids college education. I’m not going to pressure it, but I am going to encourage it.

Right now, my oldest thinks he’s the next Kobe Bryant. So basketball is about the only thing on his mind as far as sports go. But as long as I can keep him interested in golf, the better he’ll get and the better his chances are at getting an inside track on a college education at a discounted rate. And that friends, is music to my ears.

Stinky Golfer’s Wives; We Do Exist

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Mr. & Mrs. Stinky Golfer Chris
Mr. & Mrs. Stinky Golfer Chris

What’s it like being the wife of a stinky golfer? Interesting…to say the least. I am sure by now many of you know who I am. My name is Jenn, but I may be better known as “Mrs. Stinky Golfer Chris.” That’s us to the left – an actual wedding photo. Am I a cool wife or what?

Just to clarify any previous statements made by my husband, it’s not that I don’t like golf, I just have no interest in it…at all. When Chris comes home from golf, I ask him what he shot. He’ll say, “Horrible, I shot 103!” I’ll say something to the effect of “Aw, that sucks.” But really, I have NO idea what that means. Not even a little.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Wow, she shows interest even though she could care less.” Here’s why I really do it. Because if I act like I understand what he is saying, he won’t try to explain it to me. It’s not that I don’t want to know, but with Chris it will turn into physics, logistics and every other type of -ics, and I’ll just end up even more confused. You see, he is the guy who knows who was King in some far off never-never land that existed for like three hours and only seven people have ever heard of. I’ve learned the hard way, when he can answer 85% of the questions on Jeopardy, you tend to not ask for explanations.

In previous posts, Chris has let you all in on my career of sorts. Yes, he is correct, he gets awesome perks from me working overtime. When he wants new clubs, or wants to play a course, I make a call and *poof* I am the best wife EVER! But see, this is all part of my plan. I am sure many of you have seen the post regarding my purses. Well, you see, if I call and make a tee time for him, I can head off to the outlets, maybe buy a purse, spend all day with my girlfriends and be back home before he ever knows the difference.

If he shoots bad, he’ll come home annoyed and throw himself on the couch to play some Call of Duty. I guess blowing up 13 year old internet junkies makes it better. If he shoots good, he comes home happy, smiles and says “Let’s go out to eat!” I ask the all important question; “How’d you shoot?” He says “98!” I say “Awesome!” I’ll throw in a quick “Look what I got at the outlet …” He says “Great! Let’s eat!” Now, that to me is a win-win.

In all honesty, I love that my husband golfs. He gets out there with his friends, has a good time, makes some jokes and comes home with some sort of satisfaction. I’ll never be that wife that calls when he is about to tee off, asking when he will be home. I would not want him to call and nag me when I am out on my shopping spree!

Being the wife of a Stinky Golfer is awesome. I hear great stories, laugh all the time and never hear my husband complain about something he loves!

So, I would like to say, thank you Honey for liking something that makes you happy most of the time. I cannot wait until you come home from using your new fitted clubs (you’re welcome) and tell me you shot an 80! I think that day I could probably get a new car out of him…, or at least new shoes!

– Jennifer Chirico

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