GolfStinks

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I’m Swingin’ In The Rain!

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wet and rainy golf
A rare rainy day appearance for Stinky Golfer Chris

OK, so it doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as “Singin’ in the rain,” but you get the picture. But as I look at the title now, I think to myself…nothing could be further from the truth.

I’ve mentioned before that I have certain weather conditions in which I will not play golf. One is when the temperature drops below 50 degrees. Also, when the temperature rises above 90 degrees, I’ll skip the round. Although I will consider playing in the excessive heat as long as I’m riding. But as Stinky Golfer Greg and I are making plans for our next round, I look at the weather forecast and see there’s a 60% chance of showers. But in my book, that’s equivalent to a 60% chance that I’m not playing.

I understand there are plenty of golfers who will play in any weather condition. There can be a hurricane blowing through and they’ll still be out there. But I’m not one of those guys, and I can’t understand the rationale behind it.

The funny thing is, I’ll go outside and play basketball in a light rain. I’ll throw the baseball around with the boys even if it’s drizzling a bit. As a matter of fact, I’ve even come to the point of argument to keep one of my softball games going in the rain! But when it comes to golf, forget it. I don’t want to play in any type of rain. I even start getting leery if there’s a chance of rain that day!

So what’s my problem? Why will I play basketball, baseball and softball in the rain…but not golf? The only reason I can come up with is…money.

See, all of those other sports cost me nothing to play. But golf? I have to drop a few hard-earned bucks every time I want to hit the links. So if I’m going to spend my money to play this game, then why wouldn’t I do it under optimal conditions if I have the choice?

Not to mention, the rain simply takes the fun out of the game. Trying to stay dry, dealing with an umbrella, wet hands and deteriorating course conditions all sound like a waste of money to me. It would probably be a different story if I was playing for free or being paid to play like a PGA Tour pro…but I’m not. As a matter of fact, it’s exactly the opposite – I’m paying them! I feel like I’m wasting the money that I could just spend another time, and I just can’t get past that feeling.

So as we get closer to our next day out on the course, I’ll keep a close eye on the weather and hope for the best. But as Stinky Golfer Greg already knows…I can’t make any promises.

Swing ’til you’re happy…and stay dry doing it!

Why Is Everyone at the Driving Range Miserable?

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Do you dread the driving range? (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Do you dread the driving range? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

We’re in the midst of little league baseball season for my boys. And while one is excelling all-around, the other is struggling a bit with the bat. So yesterday afternoon, we took a trip to the batting cages.

We worked on some things and, next thing you know, he’s getting around on the ball and even putting a bit of a charge into a few. It was good work, and I’m hoping it carries over into his next game.

But one of the most fun things about going to the cages was getting in them myself. I don’t care how old you are, it’s always fun to get into the cage and see if you can still get around on some of those pitches in the fastball bay.

It wasn’t until I stepped out of the batting cage and looked over at the guys out on the accompanying golf driving range; That’s when I noticed something strange – I’m smiling and having a good time while they look miserable and pissed-off. But you know what, I understand that. I understand how they feel. I’m just going to come out and say it right now…practicing golf sucks.

You can argue with me, but let’s be honest with ourselves. For most golfers, it’s just not fun. As a matter of fact, it’s almost like work, if not worse. Why is that? I mean, I can have a good time at the range (either indoor or outdoor), so why does everyone else at the range look so miserable? The only thing I can think of is that these guys take it too serious.

I can see these guys getting angry with themselves on poor shots…and that makes me laugh. Why? Well, it’s simple really. If you aren’t that great to begin with, then how can you get so angry at yourself when you hit a poor shot…especially at the range? Out on the course, you hit them pretty often. You’re not a PGA pro, so what’s the issue? I understand I’m not Albert Pujols, so I don’t flip out when I swing and miss in the cage or hit a weak ground-out in softball. Same with golf – why would I get so angry about screwing up at the range when I stink out on the course? For the record, I don’t get angry on the course either.

And that, as we have said many times here at GolfStinks, is the problem with so many golfers. They take the game way too serious. Serious to the point where they’re taking all of the fun out of it. Now I’m not saying that we shouldn’t all try to get better. Rather I’m saying we should all remember that it is just a game. You should have fun playing it.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Simple Reminders Of My Love For Golf

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Stinky Golfer Chris on the golf course (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Stinky Golfer Chris enjoying himself on the golf course (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

It’s almost June and I finally played my first round of the year! Well, half a round anyway. I managed to squeeze nine holes in on Saturday morning. My score? Not so memorable. But the round? Memorable as always.

This particular round was nothing out of the ordinary. So you might ask what exactly made it memorable then? I guess it’s more the experience of the first round of the year than it is the actual golf itself. It’s like, once I get out on the course for the first round of the year, I seem to remember all of the things I love about the game. It’s as if I forgot what golf was like during the long winter lay-off. But it doesn’t take long for the memories to come rushing back.

Once I walk into the clubhouse, I’m reminded of the things I enjoy about the sport. For starters, my wonderful wife (whose connections I used to get a 9:30 am tee-time for Saturday morning of Memorial Day weekend despite only calling on Friday) accidentally called in only two of us when we were actually a threesome. But the two pro-shop guys, despite the fact we threw off their schedule, managed to politely find a spot for us anyway, and we teed off right on-time. There’s nothing like dealing with a friendly, polite and professional staff right from the start, even though it was not their mistake. It just seems to set the round off on the right foot.

Then of course, there’s the round itself. I don’t need to play the game well in order to play the game. So my final score really doesn’t have much of an effect on my attitude. That’s another thing I love about this sport – I don’t take it overly serious. I try to do well, but if I don’t…no sweat. I’m still having a good time. And while the course may have left something to be desired, it certainly wasn’t bad…just different than I remember it. But once again, I’m playing golf…and that’s really what matters most here.

However, you can play a great course and have a great round, but without good company it can ruin the whole day. So one more thing I love about this game, the camaraderie. Spending some time with my buddies, doing something we all enjoy, getting away from the everyday hustle and bustle for a few hours, busting each others stones every time a putt comes up short or a drive winds up in the lumber yard…these are the things that make for a memorable round.

And how can you forget the 19th hole? Bellying up to a table with a burger and a beer ends the day on a perfect note.

So it took long enough, but it finally happened. Just a few days before June, I got myself out onto a golf course. Much too late, but better late than never. The only problem I see with getting out so late is that I’ve already lost a month of golf before the season even started, and I’ve got a lot of work to do to make up the time. And even though my first drive of the year hooked into the woods, taunting me the entire way as if to say “Hey, you back for another year of this #$%&?,” I’m still looking forward to squeezing as much out of this shortened season as I can. Wish me luck!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golfing Until The End…Of Days That Is

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Well, May 21st came and went, and we’re all still here. And not to sound selfish, even though this will, but I’m still here, and that’s what matters most to me. Because if I wasn’t still here, then my golfing life would have ended prematurely…and what a waste that would have been.

See, I’ve never played any of the so called “greatest” courses. And if the world were to end before I had the chance to at least play a few, then I would be seriously pissed.

Also, I have yet to break 90. If I was to die at the end of the world before I ever broke 90 (because I know it’s going to happen one of these days) I certainly would have needed to have a sit-down with the planners of this Rapture. And I promise, there would have been several unkind words flying across the table.

Oh, another thing…I’ve yet to record a hole in one. And statistically speaking, I’m getting closer and closer to pulling it off. If my math is correct, and I’m going up against those 1-in-45,000 odds, then I should have that hole-in-one chalked-up sometime within the next 549 years. If I can step up the amount of rounds I play per year, then maybe I can get that count down a bit. Hey, every little bit helps!

So you see, this whole Rapture thing has really got me thinking. I’ve slacked off with my golf game for far too long. I have far too many things still to do in my golfing life – places to play, miracle shots to pull off, Nassau’s to win, clubs to break over my knee a la Bo Jackson. And how would I feel if I never got the chance to do these things all because of something so silly as the end of days.

Of course, I could always look at the bright side – If Judgement Day were to happen, there’s a good chance I would be among the ones left behind. And if that was the case, at least there would be a better chance for me to get a tee-time at Bethpage Black.

Swing ’til you’re happy! Because December 21, 2012 is just around the corner!

Am I Motivated by the Hole-In-One Prize?

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During a recent commute, I passed by a billboard promoting a golf tournament at a somewhat local country club.

Nothing out of the ordinary, but what caught my eye was the hole-in-one prize – a brand new, 2011 Corvette. Being a big Corvette fan, this naturally got my juices flowing. And being that it’s mid-May and I still have yet to even attempt to play a round of golf this year, this was beginning to get me motivated.

But after passing by the sign, I thought about where the tournament was taking place. This is a former private course which only two years ago, during the deepest depths of the recession, went public…obviously because they were losing money. So how is it they have the money now to put on this tournament? Not to mention, how do they have the money to be able to give away a $50,000 car?!

I understand the tournament, while charity based, is also a tool to help promote membership with the club. And granted, they only have to give away the car if a hole-in-one happens, but what if it does? That’s basically $50,000 they have to pony up! I’m sure the entry fee from the participating golfers doesn’t approach that amount! And let’s face it, the hole-in-one prize is usually the biggest draw to the tournament, especially if you’re not playing the tournament with your regular golfing buddies. So the prize has to be worth-while to draw participants. So what to do? How can they afford to pay that out? Well, the same way everything a person can’t afford gets paid out…insurance.

I’m sure most people know that just about any large prize in contests such as holes-in-one, half-court shots and the like, are insured. An NBA team doesn’t want to just pay some lucky guy sitting in the stands $100,000 because he made a basket, especially one that is, relatively anyway, not all that hard. So instead, they can pay an insurance company $100 per shot (41 home games for a total of $4,100) just in case someone does make it. Not bad, right? $4,100 covers them from having to pay out the grand prize. And if no one makes the shot, then they had a helluva season long promotion for only $4,100! Chump change for an NBA franchise!

The same system works in golf tournaments. If you’re putting on a golf tournament, you don’t have to raise $50,000 to cover the cost of your hole-in-one prize. You simply have to take out an insurance policy. And the rates, like all other insurance rates, are based on risk. And being that the odds of making a hole-in-one are what they are…the risk is pretty low. So believe it or not….you’re not paying out all that much!

Think of it this way – You’re a 40-year driver, with no accidents or tickets, driving a Hyundai Santa Fe (according to AOL Autos, the least expensive car to insure) – chances are, you’re insurance premium is going to be a hell of a lot less than that of the 17-year old kid driving a Mustang, right?

So when tournament time rolls around, there are a number of companies who will be happy to take your money based on the odds of a hole-in-one (anywhere between 1 in 12,000 and 1 in 45,000 depending upon the basis of the odds). You can find said companies with a simple Google search of “Golf tournament prize insurance.”

Lets say your tournament features 140-150 golfers. Even at the lowest odds, chances are that prize is not being paid out. This is why some of these insurance coverages can be had for as low as $250-$300. Maybe even lower if you take the time to do the research and call around.

So maybe this putting on a golf tournament thing is not as costly as I had once thought. If the course itself is putting the tournament on and the insurance on the grand prize as well as a few other smaller prizes is relatively inexpensive, that really only leaves food and drinks. And by the time the players pay their entries and local and corporate sponsors put in a few bucks, I can see how money is made for a good cause and the chance for a course to gain a few new members can certainly happen.

Now, the trick for me will be to come up with the money to take a few lessons to get my “par-3 swing” right, come up with the money to enter the tournament, get a day off from work and beat those 45,000 to 1 odds at just the right time to drive home in a brand new ‘vette! Do you think there’s some type of insurance to cover my expenses?

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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