GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

It’s OK To Stink At Golf

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One of my favorite sitcoms was always My Name Is Earl.  For those who aren’t familiar, the show is about a guy who, for most of his life, was always.., well.., a low-life dirtbag.  He lied to, stole from and hurt people both physically and emotionally – just an all-around bad guy.  Until one day, by “accident,” he learns about karma.  He then goes on a mission to fix all of the things he’s done to ruin people’s lives.  I mention this because I saw a re-run of an episode I didn’t remember seeing before.  An episode called “Stole Beer From a Golfer.”

In this episode, Earl and his brother convinced a guy that he was a really good golfer who had a shot at the tour even though he was terrible.  Why did they do this?  So they could get free beer.  The poor guy became so obsessed with golf, thinking he had the potential to be great, that he lost his job, his girlfriend left him and he ended up living out of his car.

Obviously, this was a big joke and a far-fetched sitcom.  But in a strange way, there’s some truth to it.  Simple fact, if you stink at golf, just accept it.  If your buddy stinks at golf, don’t hype him up.  Instead, let him know.  You can’t have your golfing buddies going around thinking they’re better than they are.  That’s how they lose money in golf bets.  That’s how they end up looking and sounding like idiots, both on the course and off.

Have you ever been around that guy who talks the part, dresses the part and carries the equipment that looks the part, but when he gets out on the course, it looks like he left the game part at home?  Of course you have.  How do you think he got to be that way?  Because he had one of two things – either his buddies hyping him up, or no one to talk him down.

It’s like when you leave your house looking stupid.  Or when you have a little too much to drink and you start acting like a fool.  You need your friends there to straighten you out before you go too far.  Well, it’s the same in golf.  You need your friends to keep you from doing anything foolish.  And just the same, your friends need you.  Keep your golfing buddies in check and have them do the same for you.  And above all else, remember…if you stink at golf…you stink at golf.  The sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll be.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golf As A Common Denominator

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Lucky for me, my boss is pretty lenient when I want to take a day off, come in late or leave early.  He doesn’t care why.  He doesn’t ask questions (though I usually give him the reason anyway).  I just tell him “I’ll be in late on Wednesday,” and it’s fine.  It’s probably because I rarely take any time off that he really has no issue when I do.  I don’t have to come up with ways to play hooky in order to play golf.  One time, the other stinky golfers and I were planning on playing 18 during the week.  So I walk into his office, put on an obvious joking, fake cough and tell him…”I got a little cough coming on.  Looks like I’m going to need next Monday off.”  His response – “Sure.  Where are you playing?”  So you see what I mean.

So when one of our temporary employees (a college kid and friend of my boss’ son) let us know he would be leaving toward the end of the month to head back to school, the head honcho seemed to have no problem with the two of us ditching work early one day later this week so I could take him out for a round of golf as a “Thank you” for a job well-done this summer.  Golf is a useful tool that way.  Taking someone out for a round of golf is a way to show appreciation.  A way to say thanks.

Golf is also a common denominator.  You can have two people who may not have all that much in common, but if they both play golf?  Well now, they’ll be willing to hang out with each other for hours one day.  That’s us.  He’s a cocky, confident, college kid.  I’m a pretty laid back, working class guy.  I’m somewhere around twice his age…maybe more.  Other than the fact that he’s a hard-working kid, I don’t know a whole heck of a lot about him.  But I know he golfs, and that’s enough to get me to cut out of work early one day.

Who knows?  Taking two people who otherwise would likely not be hanging out, and putting them together on a golf course for a few hours, could lead to anything.  Maybe he and I become good friends.  Or maybe we don’t talk again until next summer if he comes back to work.  Either way, I’m sure he’ll appreciate the gesture as much as we appreciated the work he did.  But at the very least, we’ll both appreciate the fact that it’s a Friday afternoon and we’ll be on a golf course rather than at work.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golf Spam

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Is it just me, or do all of us golfers get all kinds of ridiculous golf spam email?  I’m sure that it can’t be just me.  It’s not constant – I can go a few days without getting a single email at all, spam or otherwise.  However, when I get ’em, I get ’em – to the tune of twelve to fifteen per day!  Now I just scroll through and delete these emails.  But as I’m doing this, I wonder a couple of things.  Firstly, how many of us golfers are clicking on these emails and following through so that these companies continue to think spam emails work.  And secondly, how on earth do they come up with what they think I would be interested in just by knowing I’m into golf?

So let’s start with the first question.  How many of you have received some golf spam, was actually interested in what you saw, and decided to follow through in the email?  I, for one, have never done this.  Am I missing something?  I fear that the moment I do open one of these up and click whatever link is presented to me, one of two things is going to happen.  Either my computer will self-destruct or I will instantly be hit with dozens more spam emails which will continue to fill my inbox everyday for the next several years.  Neither of those is an option I’m prepared to deal with.

As for the second option – how do they come up with what they choose to send me?  See, I understand some of the spam I get.  Betting websites, golf equipment and apparel stores, golf lessons and things like that.  But what about the rest?  Why do I get emails about weight loss programs and supplements?  How do they know I could afford to lose 25-30 pounds?  Are they going under the assumption that most of us golfers are out of shape?

OK, but what about those Rolex emails?  Do they assume that because I’m a golfer, I’m rich and I can afford to wear whatever I want?  Boy, these people have a lot to learn about me personally.  However, it does seem they are trying to help – I have been offered my Ph.D. via email.  So maybe they’re at least trying to help me get a better paying job.

I guess it’s probably the same with anyone’s email.  No matter what you do, some type of spam is going to sneak through.  It’s just funny to see the type of email I get through an email account associated with golf vs. a personal email account I may have.  As I mentioned, some of the spam I get, I understand.  But some of it is completely out of leftfield and useless.  But…it is always nice to be reminded once in a while that “Hot Russian women want you.”  Am I right?

Swing ’til you’re happy!

How TV Can Make Me More of a Golf Fan

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First and foremost, let me state that I am in no way, shape or form being compensated for this post. I am offering up my opinion purely based on my experience.  My experience with what you ask?  My experience with DirecTV and how they made watching The Open Championship a better experience for me.

As I’ve stated before, I love to play golf, but I’m not a huge fan of watching it on TV.  Truthfully, I find it a bit dull.  So when I got a message on my TV from DirecTV regarding watching The Open Championship on multiple channels, I didn’t pay it much mind.  I figured it’s just a couple more channels that I won’t be watching.  But early on Saturday afternoon, something told me to take a look anyway…and I’m glad I did.  When I tuned to the channel in the message and began to watch, I was presented with another menu option.  When I hit the red button on my remote to bring up the additional options, the fun began.

Option #1 – “The Top 5 leaderboard” – A nice, quick reference when you just want to know who’s on top and what’s their score, without waiting for 156 names to scroll across the bottom of the screen.  But, if you want to see the entire leaderboard while scrolling through it at your own pace, well that’s available at…

Option #2 – “Leaderboard” – You don’t have to watch the bottom of the screen for the leaderboard and worry about missing the name you may be looking for.  Also, if it’s moving a little too quickly, you can use the menu to scroll at your own pace.

Option #3 – “Tune To” – This gave me five further options:

a.  “The Open Mix” – This splits my TV to show four separate screens – ESPN, Holes 1 & 18, Holes 7/8/9 and the International View.  More on this below.

b.  “ESPN” – This channel would show an alternate feed from ESPN (which was showing the regular broadcast) even when they were on a commercial.

c. “Holes 1 and 18” – Just as it sounds.  This channel would rotate between holes 1 and 18.  So rather than bounce all around the course, you see every player that passes through both holes.

d. “Holes 7/8/9” – See above, but for holes 7/8/9 instead.

e. “International View” – Not exactly sure where this feed was from, but I’m going to make the pretty obvious guess that it would be Scotland.  If not, then somewhere in the U.K. at least.  Anyway, it was another alternate feed from the other two ESPN’s.

Option #4 – “Scoreguide” – This is an option that shows up on all of the sports channels on DirecTV, and it showed up here as well.  This option gives you the scores from the rest of the sports world as well as the option to switch over to that channel if the game is on one of the channels you get.  It’s a nice feature for keeping up on scores from other sports or other games when you don’t want to change the game you’re watching.

I’ve had three different TV providers, and so far I’m pretty high on DirecTV.  It’s great if you’re a sports fan.  For me, I’m a big football fan and love NFL Sunday Ticket.  How can you beat having the option to see every game?!  And being able to plug-in your fantasy league matchup is the cherry on-top!  But this experience with golf as well has opened up a new option for me.

Now, when the PGA Championship rolls around in a few weeks, I’ll know that watching golf on TV will be that much better than it was before.  However, this in no way trumps Sunday Ticket.  Any final round still takes a backseat to the NFL.  Sorry.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Crime On The Golf Course: The Use Of Illegal Equipment

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The Polara Golf Ball is among the more [in]famous non-conforming equipment
Polara Golf is among the more well-known non-conforming equipment companies
OK, that title is totally tongue-in-cheek.  Sarcastic even.  It’s amazing what an uproar is caused when a golfer finds out that another golfer is using “illegal” golf equipment.  You know, for a sport who’s players claim they are “playing against themselves,” they sure are awfully worried about what everyone else is doing.

Let’s start with that word…”Illegal.”  That’s a funny way to put it.  Illegal…not “non-regulation,” but illegal…like the golf course S.W.A.T. Team is going to come repelling out of the trees and surround you right there on the fairway for using the old Condor golf ball.  No other commonly played sport (by non-pro athletes) refers to non-regulation equipment as illegal…only golf.  People don’t call a basketball with better grip an illegal ball.  It’s simply a non-regulation ball.  When I played softball in a league, we didn’t care if someone wore specifically softball cleats or not.  Some players didn’t even wear cleats!  The softball justice squad didn’t bust through the gates to take us down.  No arrests, no charges.

Secondly, why does it matter so much?  If you’re out playing a pickup basketball game, do you care what type of ball you have?  Do you call someone on it when they show up without a Spalding Official NBA ball?  I sure don’t, and at $90+ each, who can blame them for not showing up with one?  If you’re playing a game of touch football, do you care if you’re not playing with an official Wilson regulation NFL ball?  Of course not.  So why do you care if someone plays with a Polara golf ball?  Or an “illegally” weighted putter?  Or pretty much anything made by a company like NGC Golf?  I’ll tell you why.  Because as much as you claim to be, you’re not really “playing against yourself,” are you?

In the grand scheme of things, in relation to playing at the pro level, you and I playing on our local public (or private) course is no different than a few guys playing pickup hoops or beer league softball.  So what do you care what kind of ball someone else uses?  Why do you care if some other guy is using an “illegally” weighted putter?  What does it matter to you if the face of somebody’s driver has “illegal” grooves?  You’re supposed to be playing against yourself, right?  So worry about what you do, not what some other guy does.  I played an entire round with a guy who used the Polara balls.  I even tried it out once!  So what do I care?

However, if there’s money on the line…well now…that’s a different story.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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