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The Funniest Golf Lesson You’re Likely to See

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Let me start by stating, I am not at all a fan of reality TV.  For the most part, I can’t stand watching a bunch of nobodies over-acting in what is a clearly scripted, but tries to be passed off as unscripted, show.  If I’m going to watch a sit-com or drama or whatever type of show, I want to be entertained by actors and actresses who are professionals and who know what they are doing.  I don’t want to see some bobble-headed idiot trying really hard to “act.”  Bottom line – if you are turning on The Real Housewives of anywhere, and feel like you are watching quality television, you need to turn off your TV and find something better to do with your time.  It’s television for idiots.

That being said…a little over a year ago, I let my wife talk me into watching an episode of Duck Dynasty.  That was a mistake, but not because I saw it as a typical reality show.  Instead, quite unexpectedly, I enjoyed it!  It turned out to be funny and very entertaining.  Before I knew it, I started watching every week, and to me, Uncle Si became one of the funniest people on television.  So imagine how excited I was when I saw that last weeks episode would include Uncle Si discovering Youtube and attempting to post an instructional golf video, despite not being a golfer.  What followed was this golf lesson from which no one should try to learn anything.

Take a look at his “Four basic, simple steps.”

1.  Stance – “OK, step 2….”  That’s all he has to say!  “Stance.”  Basically, he said to just stand there!  Not how you stand, where you stand or where your feet should be.  Nothing except to stand there.  Genius!

2.  If you want this ball to go a pretty good distance, you swing hard – Does that even qualify as a “step,” or is that more just a general statement?  I mean, he’s right.  If you don’t swing hard, the ball may not go very far.  Still though…maybe not the best advice you can get.  Funny nonetheless.  Also, reminding us that hitting the little white ball is of paramount importance (not quite pronounced that way though) is a great tip!

At this point, the self-described “Amateur golfer, but a professional golf instructor” takes us to steps 3 and 4 which will help us with our putting.

3.  Figure out your long putt – Now that’s a great step.  Figure out your long putt.  If only someone told me that thirteen years ago, I could have had this game mastered by now!

4.  Don’t overdo it – As he rockets his putt past the hole.  Once again, is this really a step?  Or more just a word of advice.  Either way, I guess it could be helpful, right?

OK, so it’s obviously a big joke – the guy doesn’t play golf, but he’s going to give us a golf lesson.  It’s strictly for the sake of comedy.  But could you imagine if a golf lesson came down to something so simple?  Stand there and hit the ball hard.  When you’re on the green, take out your putter and don’t overdo it.  If we could all treat golf a little closer to this simple, we’d all leave the course with a bigger smile on our faces.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golfing in the New England Autumn

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fall, autumn golf
Woodhaven Country Club, CT (Photo by Greg D’Andrea)

For me, golf season normally begins in the late April/early May area generally depending upon the weather being cooperative.  Anyone who has spent any significant period of time here in New England understands that the old Mark Twain saying (which has since been adopted by many other areas of the country) “If you don’t like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes,” is pretty much on the money.  There have been times when I could swear I’ve experienced all four seasons within a period of 24 hours!  I remember one occasion where my job was shut down and I was sent home early due to a major snowstorm blowing through.  That afternoon, I was at the driving range.  So you can get my drift.  And if that’s the case for one day, imagine what a stretch of a few weeks will bring!

But despite when “golf season” actually kicks off, for me, the best part of golf season begins right around now – mid-October.  Why?  Well, quite simply, it’s the best time of year for golf here in CT.  The temperature is right, the humidity is dropping and the best part of it all…the scenery.  But for those not here in New England, or who haven’t had the pleasure of playing here in the fall, let me give you the rundown.

Temperature – Around now, we’re typically talking in the upper 60’s to low 70’s.  I don’t know about you, but to me…that’s perfect.  Do you know any of those people who say “I’d rather be cold than hot?”  Well, if you don’t, you do now.  I just can’t think of anything good that comes out of a 90+ degree day.  And triple-digits?  Forget it.  There will be no golf that day.  But this time of year?  You could get me to play 36 holes easily!

Humidity – OK, I already took a shower this morning.  The last thing I want is to feel as if I stepped back into a hot shower when I walk out the front door.  You know that level of humidity where simply breathing causes you to sweat?  Welcome to July and August in Connecticut.  I do it, but again, why would you want to play golf in those type of conditions?  But around now, when the humidity level drops from nearly 100% down into the 60% area, you can walk the course all day long without breaking a sweat.

The Scenery – There’s a reason people choose to vacation in Connecticut despite the temperature dropping here.  People don’t come here for the beaches.  No, they come here because it’s beautiful.  There is nothing like the fall foliage in New England.  While most of CT’s golf courses are well maintained and provide nice scenery throughout golf season, it’s a different story in October.  The tree-lined fairways are alive with leaves changing to the reds, oranges, yellows, browns and greens of the season.  While the falling leaves may wreak havoc on your errant tee-shot, it’s a small price to pay for the golf course eye candy you can only enjoy for a short few weeks per year.  Besides, if the missing ball bothers you that much, simply cite the P.A.F. rule.

Anyway, I’m on this kick because I played out in these beautiful, perfect conditions today.  A golfer could not ask for anything more than the mostly sunny, upper 60’s with a slight breeze conditions in which we played today.  The beautiful scenery was just the icing on the cake.  So don’t look at this time of year as the beginning of the end of your golf season.  Just consider it to be saving the best for last.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Am I Too Busy For Golf, Or Am I Just Lazy?

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Are you too lazy to play golf?
Are you too lazy to play golf?

Do you know what’s a bad feeling?  When your golf season is winding down and you realize that you didn’t play nearly as much as you would have liked this year.  That’s what is happening to me right now.  Here we are in early October and I can’t even tell you exactly how many times I’ve played this year.  But what I can tell you is, it was less than ten.  And even worse…not one single time did I play a round of eighteen.  That’s right, only a bunch of nine-hole rounds.  That’s bad to begin with, but when you consider that I write for a golf blog…that’s nothing short of pathetic. Am I really that busy or just being lazy?

And that’s the thing – I really have no excuse for my lack of playing.  I mean, I had plenty of opportunities, I just didn’t take advantage of those opportunities as often as I should have.  And now, we’re getting into my favorite time of year for golf – autumn.  The temperatures are generally in the 60’s and 70’s.  The humidity is dropping.  The leaves are changing.  You can’t beat it here in New England.  So if I’m going to make up for my lack of play this season, now is the time I’d like to do it.  What’s even more frustrating is, the same thing happened to me last year.  It was late last May when I first mentioned how much later in the year it was when I kicked of my golf season.  And it was all downhill from there.  As a matter of fact, since then, it has yet to go back uphill.

As mentioned last May, sometimes life gets in the way of golf.  Sure, the kids play sports.  So I attend their games.  That takes up time during the spring and summer for baseball season.  Then, during the late summer and into fall, soccer takes over.  Hey, when you have athletic kids, it’s one sport after another.  But it’s not just sports.  Sometimes it’s work.  Sure, there’s been a couple of times when I’ve had to put in a few hours on a Saturday or Sunday.  Or maybe there are just other commitments like birthdays, weddings or random other get-togethers.  The larger your family becomes, the more events happen.

But as I think about it further, I’m beginning to think I was just lazy.  As I said before, there were opportunities.  Maybe not always for eighteen, but nine is better than none, right?  For instance, I work only five minutes from a nine-hole course.  All summer long I have the opportunity to play nine right after work.  But only once did I take that opportunity to do so.  And with the kids sports on the weekends – sometimes the games are around noon, but sometimes not until 4:00.  There’s no reason I can’t play either before or after their games.  There was even one time that I was so desperate to play eighteen, that when I asked one of my buddies to play and he responded he only had time to play nine, I didn’t even bother to answer.  I skipped it altogether.  And I wonder why I haven’t played as much as I’d like!

Now that I’ve had the time to write this out, I realize now, no matter the commitments, there’s always time to squeeze in some golf.  It might take some creative scheduling, and I might have to settle for nine holes.  But either way, there is always time.  I always make time for the things I enjoy and love.  So why should I treat golf any differently?

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Losing Your Grip On Your Clubs…No Sweat.

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no-sweatOne of the most common excuses we all hear from our golfing buddies after a bad shot is “The club slipped.”  Hey, it’s not really an excuse though.  It happens.  It’s happened to me several times.  After the first couple of times it happened, I was given the old “you should try wearing a glove” advice.  So I gave it a shot, but just found it to be a bit uncomfortable.  So, gloveless, I just had to keep my hands as dry as possible throughout the round and learn to live with it.  And, as many people know, keeping your hands dry in a humid New England summer is no easy task.  Enter No Sweat.

We here at golfstinks.com are sent lots of products to try out.  So far, luckily enough, just about all of them have been useful, done what they were supposed to do and worked as advertised.  Well, you can now add No Sweat to the list.  No Sweat is a spray-on lotion which, with one application, claims to keep your hands dry throughout your golf round.  And, as mentioned earlier, that’s exactly what it did.  As a matter of fact, No Sweat lived up to all of it’s claims – there’s no odor, it’s not sticky and there’s no powder.  It’s also non-toxic, but rather than test that out the only way I know how, I just took their word for it.

Another of their claims is that the effect will last all day.  And again, No Sweat lived up to it’s claim.  I sprayed No Sweat on my hands just a few moments before my first swing, and nine holes later, there was no need for reapplication.  Now I can’t say it would have fully lasted 18 holes without another spray because I didn’t play 18.  However, if it required another shot to each hand…then so be it.  It’s doing it’s job, so it’s well worth it.

Speaking of worth it, that’s another term worthy of describing No Sweat.  At only $8.99 per bottle and with a claimed use amount of up to 50 applications per bottle, how can you go wrong?  Even if it’s a super-humid day and you do have to reapply it for the back nine, that works out to only 36 cents per eighteen hole round.  Now that is a good value.

What about uses for non-golfers?  You can put No Sweat to use in just about any situation where having sweaty hands would be a problem.  Maybe in football, baseball or, basketball.  Or how about billiards?  That’s a terrible sport in which to have sweaty hands.  Or maybe you’re on a job interview.  You can’t have sweaty hands for the initial handshake.  And you sure can’t keep wiping your hands on your pants all interview long.  Heck, even holding hands with your girlfriend, boys!

So all-in-all, No Sweat is a winner in my opinion.  And at only $8.99 per bottle, which will likely last you throughout your golf season, it’s a no-brainer.  And being the good-hearted, sharing bunch we are, we here at Golfstinks don’t want to hog all of the good stuff.  So as usual, we are going to choose one lucky winner who will be awarded a free bottle of No Sweat.  Just click here to head over to our Facebook page and “like” the post on our wall entitled “Golfers! Win a free bottle of No Sweat!” We’ll pick a random winner and put their hand-sweat problems and concerns to rest.  Well, for at least a golf season anyway.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Why Doesn’t Anyone Care About College Golf?

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Lot’s of sports fans love college sports.  Some love it more than pro sports, which I do not understand.  I mean, when given the choice (especially if watching live, ticket price not being an issue), I would want to see a competitive event between the top players in the sport.  How can you enjoy watching minor league or amateur sports more than watching the best of the best compete?  And don’t give me the tired old “The college kids aren’t playing for the money.  They’re playing or the love of the sport.”  It’s time to stop living in the past.  This is the NCAA…it’s all about the money from one angle or another.

Let me be clear though, I do watch college sports simply because it’s a sporting event.  But I’ll give you an example of something I can’t stand about college sports, and being that we’re in football season, I’ll use football as an example.  Do you want to know what stinks about college football?  These – 76-0.  72-0.  54-6.  59-13.  77-7.  56-0.  70-7.  Those are scores from the games of this past Saturday’s AP Top-25 ranked teams.  20 of the 25 teams played.  Seven of them won their games by at least 40 points.  What is enjoyable about watching a game with a final score of 76-0?  In the history of the NFL, there has been exactly one 70+ point victory and it occurred 73 years ago!  In college football, there were three 70-point victories just this weekend!

I hate that there are so many of these mismatched games which, in my opinion, should not even be played.  But they are.  Why?  Money of course.  But in the pros, the gap between the best and worst teams in the league is relatively small.  Only a few players and a few decisions separate the cream of the crop from the cellar dwellers.  This is why it’s rare for a blowout of these proportions to occur and why pro sports are better all-around.  But you know what college sport isn’t like that?  Golf.

The best part of competitive pro golf is that the difference between the top players and the lower tier players is really only a few strokes per round.  In college, it’s not much different.  And with the competition being more…well…competitive, this translates to a good spectator sport.  So why is college golf not seen anywhere on television?

In this day and age, where there are literally hundreds of television channels available, how is it that a popular sport with good competition taking place on a pretty regular basis, not getting any air time?  And when I say not any, I mean almost none!  College golf doesn’t even get so much as a mention on sports channels or highlight shows.  It’s even an afterthought on the Golf Channel.

The question is, why?  It’s a college sport, which many sports fans love.  It’s a very competitive sport with, as in the pros, relatively little difference between the top players and the lower tier.  So where is the attention?  Where are the cameras?  Where’s the fanfare?  You know, catching some of these players when they’re still in college can begin to create star-power prior to the next big thing hitting the pro links.  It seems to work for the college football and basketball players.  Just sayin’.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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