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Augusta National: The Good, Bad & Ugly

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The Masters (by Torrey Wiley via Flickr | CC BY 2.0)

Augusta National Golf Club. The very name conjures up emotions deep within us. For some, those emotions might excite and inspire; while for others, they might sicken and disgust.

The Good
Augusta National is perhaps the epitome of golf courses. Despite not being in the birthplace of the game, the course is as symbolic as St. Andrews…perhaps more. We golfers daydream of walking its fairways; of turning Amen Corner; of being immersed in a golfer’s total paradise.

Of course, the club hosts The Masters every April – a tournament rich in history. Marking the start of the golf season for many, The Masters sends us images of Augusta in full spring bloom – lush green grass and floral (mainly magnolias and azaleas) bursting full of color. It’s no wonder there’s a huge marketing push surrounding the tournament – golfers of all levels yearn to go out and play after viewing just a few minutes of the action. Surely the golf industry as a whole benefits through the publicity of such an inspiringly beautiful course.

The Bad
Make no mistake, the course really is in pretty good shape. But Augusta groundskeepers are working with smoke and mirrors too. For example, the course spent half a million on an underground vacuum system that removes excess water. And according to a post here, Augusta National…

“…reportedly dyes ponds blue or black to hide algae bloom, spray paints grass to make it look more green in years when the newly planted ryegrass isn’t flourishing and even refrigerates, or warms, the azaleas so that they’ll be in perfect bloom for the second weekend in April. Rumors have it that this year [referring to 2012] Hollywood set designers have been brought in to Augusta to hide damage caused by the lawn chemical weed killer Imprelis that was found last year to kill trees as a side effect.”

Due to this addiction of perfect grooming (which apparently involves some degree of deception), we have something called the “Augusta Effect.” The notion that every course should strive to be as impeccably maintained as Augusta National – and anything less is less than perfect. This notion has led to other courses overseeding to keep greener longer; led to more pesticide use within the industry; and ultimately led to courses going belly-up – all in an effort to meet the expectations of average hacks everywhere, who have come to expect conditions like those they view on TV.

The Ugly
Unlike the cradle of golf in Scotland, Augusta is no Mecca – You will not find golfers on a pilgrimage to these links like they flock to St. Andrews. This is, of course, because we are not allowed to play there. Augusta National Golf Club, hallowed as it may be, also represents everything that is wrong with golf. It is the very root of negative golf stereotypes: closed-doored, sexist and filthy rich.

Sure, the club recently allowed its first female members, but that gesture made for good PR more than anything else. So the USGA and PGA Tour are faced with a conundrum: On the one hand, Augusta National helps stoke the golf economy every spring. But on the other hand, the club flies in the face of what the governing bodies of golf want to do – which is to grow the game beyond the average white male. They want to reach more women and minorities. They want to reach more inner-city youth. But should Augusta really be their poster child? That’s a tough sell.

For years I believed Augusta National Golf Club represented everything a golf course should be: Lush, beautiful and steeped in tradition – It really did make me want to go out and play. To be sure, seeing images of the course this week will inspire me once again. But over the years, I’ve come to realize the industry is using the Augusta legacy as a marketing tool – a facade, which exists mainly to excite the imagination.

Nowadays my inspiration doesn’t come from Augusta, but rather from the beginning of a new golf season – the excitement of getting out there and playing again after a long, cold winter and the thought of hanging out with good friends while enjoying the game we love. And, I guess, the possibility of finally hitting that elusive hole-in-one.

So my advice to you is to enjoy the tournament; the competition; the phenomenal golf. But take all the pomp and circumstance with a grain of salt. After all – most of us golf in the real world; not in fantasy land.

Ghosts, Goblins and Golf

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There are a few times in golf when you might have the crap scared out of you.

1. Hitting a shot and then realizing it is headed right at another golfer.

2. Being on the receiving end of #1.

3. Playing on a haunted golf course.

With the latter in mind and being in the Halloween spirit, I thought it would be interesting to explore some more haunted golf courses. Last year, Stinky Golfer Chris covered some with his frightening post and this year I wanted to continue. We’ll go from the U.S. to overseas and take a look at some of these spooky tracks.

Many consider New Orleans to be a haunted city and what a great place to start. City Park Golf Course in N’awlins has seen its share of apparitions and ghosts. Stinky Golfer Chris mentioned the paranormal activity on the 18th green of the East course but, how about the the spirit of a murdered woman on the South Course? The next time you hear “Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?” Think twice…

Moving around the south we encounter courses that were built on old plantations and perhaps slave graveyards. Not to mention possible native burial grounds. These sacred final resting spots should have been left alone but the chance to make a buck over-ruled, such as Willow Brook Plantation in South Carolina.

Across the pond at perhaps the most famous golf course in the world, St. Andrews is also home to Martyr’s Monument. The site, right behind the 18th green, on the Old Course where five Protestants were burned at the stake some 500 years ago. Was that cool breeze you just felt coming off the North Sea…or was it coming from something else?

Moving on to the land of kangaroos and shrimp on the barbie, we come to Mt. Lawley Golf Club in Perth, Australia. This course has a hole named “Satan’s Elbow”. And somewhere around that area a man named Michael Oakleigh, as legend has it, committed suicide. Double whammy, not only is the hole named Satan’s elbow, some guy offed himself there too. I think I’ll skip this hole.

This next story is a dead on (pun intended) match for Golfstinks.com! Apparently, Grande Oaks Golf Club (the old Rolling Hills Golf Club where they filmed Caddyshack) and some other South Florida courses seem to be the place where golfers are encountering the ghost of Ted Knight, a.k.a Judge Smails.

How great is that? If I had to go to a haunted place, I would want the ghost to be Judge Smails. Gambling might have been illegal at Bushwood but no one said anything about haunting it…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

From St. Andrews to Bob’s Pitch ‘n Putt, it’s Still Golf to Me

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Does it matter where you play golf?
Does it matter where you play golf?

This week, golf websites everywhere are splashed with images from the game’s most hollowed grounds. The site of this year’s British Open is taking center-stage…perhaps more than the tournament itself.

Now I’m not saying St. Andrews doesn’t deserve it – ever since the Scots hit stones down rabbit holes, the Old Course has been a monument to the game. But these days the place has become sacred.

Every year golfers make the pilgrimage to Scotland for a chance to play where the game (as far as we know) began. But think about the words we use: A pilgrimage. That’s what it is, no? It’s a spiritual journey; a religious experience. Let’s ponder that for a second. Scotland is golf’s Mecca, its Jerusalem. Compare that to your home course, which is just the local congregation.

These local places of worship consist of a plethora of courses all over the world. Some are of championship quality, while some appear better suited for grazing a herd of bison. But golf courses don’t have to be legendary for you to remember them, no sir.

I’ll bet not many people outside your local area have heard of the course where you scored your first ace or eagle on. But that place, that hole – it means something to you, doesn’t it? The track could be a mortar range, but it’s still etched into your memory like your first born.

This year, the PGA Tour has really played the historical card well – Pebble hosted the U.S. Open; St. Andrews hosted the British Open; Augusta…well, we have that every year, but you get my point.

The thing is, whether I’m playing at the center of the golf universe or at my local executive 9, it’s all hallowed ground to me. The first tee jitters; the being one with nature; the whole nine yards. It doesn’t matter if there’s a beautiful ocean vista or if a historic tournament was played there…I mean, that would be great but, it’s not necessary for me.

So, does this suggest I’m OK with playing the same course all the time? Hell no! I want to experience as many golf courses as possible! But I won’t regret it if I never play Pebble or St. Andrews. You see, when I pull those clubs from my trunk and slip on the soft spikes, it doesn’t matter where I am – my pilgrimage has begun.

Round Rained Out? Tee-It-Up with Wii

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WiiMote_with_MotionPlus
The new Wii MotionPlus makes golf games more realistic (photo by Asmodi / CC BY-SA 3.0)

This summer, gamers were chomping at the bit to get their hands on the new MotionPlus component of the Nintendo Wii gaming system. For three years now, the Wii has entertained old and young alike with motion-sensing, wireless remote controllers that allow users to act-out the movement of your arm in video bowling or the swing of a club in video golf. It’s been all the rage and, in my opinion, far exceeds the fun from conventional “sit-on-your-couch” video game controllers.

But this year, Nintendo announced a new device (MotionPlus), which attaches to your existing Wii remote and greatly enhances the sensitivity of the controller – thus making your swings and movements more realistic on screen.

Much to my delight, one of the first games to take advantage of the MotionPlus adapter was Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10. The game, from EA Sports, gives users the ability to create themselves (fairly realistic looking) and then play their way from the amateur tour to the PGA Tour while competing against the likes of Tiger and other Tour pros – all on more than 20 realistically-rendered courses from around the globe (including Torrey Pines and St. Andrews).

I’ve been playing PGA Tour 10 on-and-off for about two months now and must say I truly enjoy it! In fact, it’s about as close as you can come to a golf simulator in your home. I stand in front of the TV holding my Wii controller in an “addressing the ball” position and swing my normal golf swing. The Wii does the rest. It senses the speed of my swing, and if I turned my wrists in or out (resulting in a hook or slice), then simulates your ball’s flight path.

Putting is just as realistic! Unlike many large golf simulators where you don’t putt, PGA Tour 10 lets you putt like you would on the course. The MotionPlus is so sensitive, it will register a simple “tap-in” motion with ease. And one of the cooler features is the course weather. Since the Nintendo Wii has built-in Wi-Fi, Wii connects to the internet and simulates the weather conditions at the course you’re playing. That’s right! I was playing at Banff Springs in Canada on my Wii the other day and it was raining on the course (which actually shortens club distances and makes putting harder in the game). I checked the weather in Alberta, Canada on my computer and sure enough, it was raining there too! Should note this feature can be turned off.

If you own a Wii, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10 retails for $70 (MotionPlus adapter included). Trust me it’s worth it – since you’re not swinging an actual club, I can usually get three or four 18-hole rounds in without much physical fatigue. Best of all, when it’s dark or raining or snowing outside, you’ve got a tee-time anytime inside. Plus, you’ll never have to yell fore (unless you want to enjoy watching the neighbors duck for cover)!

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