How to Leverage Your “Honey Do” List for Golf

It’s that time of year again! The days are getting longer; the flowers are blooming; and the temps are rising! You know what that means!

• The garage needs cleaning
• The attic needs organizing
• The lawn needs mowing
• The garden needs weeding
• The steps need fixing
• The fence needs mending
• The shutters need painting

Yep, springtime isn’t only about golf – that “honey do” list has been growing since last fall. It’s a rather cruel twist of fate that we’ve been pent-up for the last several months, chomping at the bit to get out on the links and once we are able to; the rest of our life also realizes winter break is over too.

If you own a home and play golf, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re married; own a home; play golf; and your spouse doesn’t: You really know what I’m talking about.

If you live in a climate where golf is forced to have an off-season, you know the anticipation building up all winter long. In fact, the only thing on your mind in mid-January is probably golf. We go to the indoor range, but it’s not the same. Nope – nothing beats that first warm day out on a real course.

So come Spring, the first thing on your to-do list is put the clubs in the trunk and get out on the links. Unfortunately, golf isn’t the first thing on your spouse’s list. There are a plethora of other chores on that list that I can assure you haven’t been thinking about. Thus, frustration ensues.

The problem with frustration is it inevitably turns into a fight. And when you’re married, you can fight over anything – especially if it’s something stupid (like organizing the attic).

But it’s possible to avoid the fight and still get to play golf. It’s simple: You use the to-do list as leverage to go play golf. Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t want you to barter for golf with chores. I want you to go about this wisely while keeping your spouse none-the-wiser.

The key is to accept the fact that you have things to do around the house and start on them right away. Be very transparent about the whole thing – for example, post the to-do list on the fridge and cross things off as you accomplish them. Do not, I repeat, do not rush out to the course and promise to finish everything when you get back (we both know that will never happen anyway). Instead, you must sacrifice golf now, to play more golf later.

On the first beautiful Saturday this Spring, don’t head to the course. You’re going to mention that your golfing buddies wanted you to play 18, but instead, you are going to wake up early and get going on that fence (or the garage, or whatever). Work hard at accomplishing this – spend all day if you have to. On Sunday, work on the attic – again, spend all day if necessary.

With two big tasks crossed off the list, gently remind your spouse during the week about how hard you worked on them and how great the garage, fence or attic looks now. Around Wednesday or Thursday, mention that your golfing buddies want to play 18 again this coming Saturday, but you’ll have to think about it since the shutters need painting.

Now here’s where you really get to know who you’re married to. A good spouse should say something like: “Oh don’t worry about it. You missed playing last week and worked so hard on the house, you should leave the shutters for next weekend and go play.” Then you’re in like Flynn. You know you’ll be able to play golf every other weekend as long as you spend some time being productive on the home front (and the tasks go faster if there’s incentive to play golf the following weekend).

Of course, if your spouse is a slave driver and takes issue with you playing any golf before the honey do list is completed, then you should suggest a compromise – you work on the list one weekend and play golf the next (which is the same result as above, except you didn’t have to negotiate anything there).

But if they’re adamant that you complete the list before golf can begin, then you may have to bite the bullet and get working. Or, you can always start looking for divorce lawyers and try a singles golfer network. As the old joke goes: “My wife said if I don’t quit golf, she’s going to divorce me…God I’m going to miss her.”

Stinky Golfer Greg has been married for 10 years and owns a home. Of course, in no way, shape or form does this make him qualified to be giving marital advice. As such, his views and opinions do not necessarily reflect those of GolfStinks.com – unless your significant other won’t let you play golf at all…in which case we say divorce is probably inevitable.