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Golf With A Grump

October 20, 2014 | By Chris Chirico | 1 Comment

thWe here at GolfStinks always joke about some of the characters on the golf course, but because we tend to play together, times are few and far between that we actually get paired up with them.  But this past weekend, I went out for a nine-hole round with a fellow stinky golfer.  And sure enough, we joined up for a few holes with Mr. Grumpy “Rules-Guru” Golfer.  Though it lasted only three holes, it was quite the experience.

We start out playing only as a twosome, and that continued through six holes before we caught up with the twosome in front of us.  Under a bit of pressure from the group behind us, we ask to join them, although it did seem as if they were not too happy about our request.  What we were in store for was quite the surprise.

It started on the seventh hole when we joined an older gentleman playing with his daughter.  This particular gentleman seemed annoyed that we were trying to join him, and had no interest at all in even speaking to us.  This was a complete one-eighty from the friendly nature of most golfers we encounter.  It wasn’t until walking off the seventh green that he even uttered  a word to us, and even that seemed at the behest of his daughter.

The eight hole continued the same until, while on the eighth green, Mr. Grumpypants scolded my playing partner when he attempted to tend the pin.  I didn’t notice the situation as I was walking to my ball, but I heard him mutter something about a two-stroke penalty and knowing the rules of golf.  At this point, I wanted to (but didn’t) tell this guy “Look, this is a $20 nine-hole course.  No one out here right now is a stickler for the rules…only you.  Further, everyone else out on this course is here for fun…except you.”

The ninth hole continued and ended without a word.   The only time we were acknowledged was when my playing partner found the grumps ball under a tree.  Barely a “thank you wave” was given.  My partner tried to make a polite joke about moving the ball out from under the tree…which of course went without even a smirk.  And in true gentleman golfer fashion, after Captain Crabby sank his last putt, he hurried away without a hand-shake, a word, tip of his hat or any acknowledgement whatsoever.  At least his daughter was polite enough to, almost apologetically, wish us a good day before she went to meet him.

Until this day, we’ve had the pleasure of being paired up with many different types of golfers.  Male and female.  Good players and well, not-so-good.  Those who looked the part and didn’t play it.  Those who looked to be with the tennis shoe crowd but played like they could attempt qualifying for a tour.  But never with a golfer who just flat-out wanted nothing to do with us.  It was certainly an experience, but one I hope not to repeat.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: mad golfer, rules of golf, tennis shoe crowd

10 Annoying Things Average Golfers Do

October 1, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 5 Comments

Recreational golfers don’t always understand the etiquette-side of the game. Sure, most know not to pull the cart up onto the green or talk while someone is swinging, but what about those unspoken etiquette rules of golf? Here we examine 10 of them.

Stinky Golfer Greg in 2014; Trying to "keep it real" out on the course.
Stinky Golfer Greg in 2014; Trying to “keep it real” out on the course. (Photo by Sonny Vega)

I’ve been golfing for a quarter of a century now and in that time, I have played many-a-round with the average golfer – heck, I’m one myself. Now don’t get me wrong, for the most part, we weekend hacks are a good group of folks. But as with any group, there are little annoying idiosyncrasies common amongst its members. Below are ten such behaviors…

1. Bragging about how good they are.
“I normally break 80 at this course.” Yeah, and I normally return home to a harem of supermodels every night. It never fails – as soon as someone tells me how great a golfer they are, they end up shooting the worst round of their life – how is that possible? It’s particularly embarrassing when they tell you how great they “typically” play whilst in the midst of a wretched round. “You say you shot 78 here last week? Wow, today’s 102 must be so uncharacteristic of you.” So save yourself the embarrassment – please don’t be that guy.

2. Dressing like they’re on the tour.
I know exactly the type of person I’m dealing with the moment I walk up to the first tee at my local muni and the guy I’m paired up with looks like he’s on tour.  Long pants in July – really? Shirt tucked in with a white belt? Come on!  Whatever happened to keeping it real? As mentioned in #1, this is the guy that’s about to have the “worst round of his life.”

3. Cheating.
Look, I’m not saying you have to play exactly by the rules. By all means bend them if you want – or even outright break them! Take that mulligan; give yourself a preferred lie – it doesn’t matter as long as everyone your playing with knows the particular rules of your group. But please don’t let me catch you dropping a ball and then pretending you found your drive – it’s embarrassing for me and you. Remember: No one likes a cheater.

4. Playing from the wrong tees.
Perhaps the first thing a new golfer should learn is which tee-box they belong on. Being behind a group that duffs all their drives off the championship tees is perhaps the single most annoying thing on this list. It’s especially worse if they’re all dressed like they’re on tour (see #2). Here’s the deal: If you can’t break 90, always play from the forward tees. For everyone else, use the slope rating and get your asses on the correct tee box.

5. Not yelling fore.
Perhaps the second thing new golfers should learn is to yell fore. Not yelling fore is not only poor golf etiquette, but its downright negligent. If you’ve ever been hit (or even come within a few feet of being hit) by an errant golf shot, you know how scary it can be. A simple forewarning (where the name “fore” comes from) is all that’s needed. If you think your ball is going anywhere near someone, please do not hesitate – yell fore at the top of your lungs.

6. Stealing/playing someone else’s ball.
Few things are more annoying than watching someone take or play your golf ball from a couple hundred yards away. If you stumble across a ball in the middle of the fairway, it probably belongs to somebody else, so please don’t pick it up and put it in your bag. Likewise, please don’t hit it before checking that it’s really yours. Balls have numbers on them for a reason – make it a point to know which ball your playing so you can avoid any confusion out on the course!

7. Spending too much time searching for lost balls.
Searching for lost balls is one of the main reasons golf has a slow play problem. I like to use my “two-minute-warning” rule – you get two minutes to look for your ball and then it’s time to drop one and move on. Now I realize the USGA rulebook allows for five minutes, but that entire book was written for tournament play. Recreational golf is a different story and needs separate rules. And don’t start on how expensive balls are – the price of your golf balls should be directly correlated to how often you lose them. For example, I typically play refurbished or recycled balls – name brand balls that have been cleaned up and repacked for half the price. My handicap: 18. You can’t say I don’t know how to keep it real.

8. Unnecessarily long pre-shot routines.
Really? Four practice swings and an additional half-minute of waggle time is necessary before you even address the ball? This goes for on the greens as well – do you really need to line-up your putt from every possible angle? Not only can these excessive pre-shot routines be annoying for your playing partners, but they also contribute to slow play. I’m not saying have no routine (in fact, one practice swing and a few seconds of waggle have been proven to calm the nerves), but just don’t overdo it.

9. Constantly making excuses for poor play.
“Oh, I didn’t keep my head down on that shot.” Or, “I slept wrong and it’s affecting my drives.” How about the old…”That last triple bogey really got into my head.” We always feel the need to explain our poor play, don’t we? Whatever happened to just plain stinking? Actually, an entire book has been written about how to use different excuses for playing poor golf. Look, there’s no reason to be embarrassed –  most people aren’t that good at this game – so there’s no need to make excessive excuses. If you hit a bad shot, it’s probably because you stink…just like everybody else.

10. Giving swing advice.
This is another biggie – that person who is constantly telling you what you’re doing wrong, even though they themselves are playing just as wretchedly. People love to tell you what the problem is, but rarely is their advice welcomed (let alone correct). The general rule of thumb is unless your a certified PGA pro, you shouldn’t be offering anyone swing advice. Even if someone asks me, I typically won’t give it (only if they’re really desperate for help – and then I always preface any advice with a warning that I, like them, also stink). No one likes a know-it-all – especially when that know-it-all is probably wrong.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: average golfer, etiquette, rules of golf, slow play, swing advice

How to Avoid Slow Play in Golf

September 24, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

I always know which tee-box I belong on.
I always know which tee-box I belong on. (Photo by Sonny Vega)

OK, let me rephrase that headline: How to not hold others up on the golf course so you yourself can have a more enjoyable round.

See it’s not really about anyone else out on the course – it’s about you. I stopped trying to hustle through my round years ago and learned how to play at my own pace without annoying the group(s) behind me.

Now if it were up to me, I would take 5 or 6 hours to play 18 holes. Unfortunately, I don’t have my own personal golf course, so leisurely lollygagging down the fairway isn’t going to work when there’s a few foursomes backed up behind me. Don’t get me wrong, I still take my time – sometimes even up to 5 hours to finish 18-holes. But I’m rarely holding anyone up…

Here’s 3 reasons why:

1. I know which tee box I belong on
This is perhaps the most important thing golfers need to understand. Nothing gets me more frustrated than watching a group of clowns skulling, slicing and duffing their drives from the championship tees. Now I realize there’s a machismo thing going on here but if you can’t reach the damn fairway from the back tees, perhaps it might be a good idea to move up a bit? I also realize not all golf courses are the same – which is what a slope rating is for. Learn what a slope rating is and use it to decide how hard the course will be and subsequently which tee box you belong on. A good rule of thumb is if you can’t break 90 on a consistent basis, play from the forward tees (typically the “white” tees). Plus you’ll enjoy your round more since you’ll avoid the hazards that would come into play from the back tees.

2. I don’t mind bending the rules
For recreational golfers, the USGA rules are really more like guidelines than actual rules. In fact, I’ve written about how the USGA should come up with a simpler set of rules for non-tournament play. Learning which rules to bend will help you move along faster without actually having to hurry. For example, agree amongst your foursome that you can improve your lie (roll the ball over); or that any putt less than a foot is a gimme; or play “ready golf” instead of waiting for the farthest person away to hit (or instead of waiting on the tee for someone in the restroom just because they won the previous hole – if they need a bathroom break, then they tee-off last). Another time saver is to only look for lost balls for 2 minutes, instead of the USGA-allotted 5 minutes (think of it as your two-minute warning). Finally, don’t hesitate to “pick up” on a hole. A good rule is if you’ve reached 10 strokes but haven’t reached the green yet, it’s time to pick up and move on to the next hole.

3. I let faster groups play through
Letting others play through is sometimes a tough pill to swallow because many golfers don’t think (or realize) they are playing slow – so when the group behind is catching up, it’s easier to become annoyed than it is accommodating. But not me. As soon as I notice the group behind me getting close, I consider letting them go ahead of me. Now obviously if we’re right behind the group in front of us, then my group isn’t the problem. But if there’s an open hole ahead of us, it’s time to swallow our pride and let them through. Not only does it appease the group behind you, but it puts less stress on you and your group to play hastily (which will not only make your round more enjoyable, but will also allow you to play more relaxed and most likely better).

Remember, the aforementioned tips are not just so other people on the course can play faster, but also for your round to be more enjoyable. All you need to do is recognize that golf is supposed to be fun and that your score is secondary. Once you accept that, it’s easy to play from the right tee-box; bend some rules; and let others play through.

Filed Under: Golf Life, Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: #enjoygolf, rules of golf, slope rating, slow play

3 Ways to Fix Golf

August 6, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

It finally happened – the golf industry is finally starting to notice that the sport might be in trouble. It may have taken many, many course closures; mass retail layoffs; and hundreds of thousands of golfers to quit the game, but there is a buzz circulating within the industry…and that buzz can be basically boiled down to one question: How do we fix golf?

First, let me tell you what’s NOT going to fix golf: Gimmicks. Contrary to what you might have recently seen on HBO Real Sports, giant holes and nightclub driving ranges aren’t the answer (at least not in the long term). Instead, what needs to happen is a fundamental shift in the way we (industry folks including course owners; equipment and apparel companies; and sports media) approach this game…namely in how we teach it; write about it; and market it.

Fix # 1: Throw out the current USGA rulebook

The USGA rules are nice for tournament play, but the recreational golfer shouldn’t be held to them. For the high handicapper (90% of golfers), playing by the current rules not only makes the game more difficult, but it also (and perhaps more importantly) slows the game down. Now I’m not suggesting we have no rules. What we need is a simple set of basic guidelines that are universally accepted by the golfing industry (especially teaching pros). One such set already exists with the Recreational Golf Association of America’s rulebook. This rulebook consists of just 13 clear and concise rules along with a section on etiquette – that’s it. I’m also not opposed to the USGA creating its own simpler set of rules for the recreation golfer, as something with their official stamp on it might help with universal implementation and acceptance. And one more note on etiquette: I believe etiquette is more important than the rules themselves and it should be taught first – especially in regards to slow play (knowing which tee box you belong on; letting a faster group play though; etc.).

Fix # 2: Get equipment and apparel prices down

I fondly remember my first set of clubs – a complete set of Spalding Executives (it included all the irons, a sand wedge, the driver and 3- and 5-woods to boot)! Total price of my old clubs? $300. Handicap then: 18. Now I have a $700 set of irons; paid an additional $240 for a sand and gap wedge; and purchased last year’s driver for $200. Total price of my current clubs: $1,140.  Handicap now: 18. WTF? I spent 280% more money for the same handicap? This is an all-too-real problem in golf. The reality is expensive clubs don’t help your game (try lots and lots of lessons and practice instead). Where are those Spalding Executives nowadays? They, or at least sets like them, need to be the main feature on display in retail outlets instead of the current à la carte system of club-buying. That system is only benefitting the manufactures and the public is starting to get wise. Same with apparel – why is the average big-name golf shirt $50 – $80? And why are prices in course pro shops so freaking high? People that might want to start playing golf see those prices and run for the hills.

Fix # 3: Change the focus to “fun”

Golf is played for fun and your score should always be secondary. As with the simplified rulebook, this needs to be universally accepted across the industry (actually, the mere acceptance of a new rulebook would go leaps and bounds for golfers having more fun). If the industry were to shift its marketing from “you have to play better” to “have fun playing,” not only would we retain more golfers, but create new ones to boot. We’d also remove some of the frustration tied to playing well and replace it with the idea that it’s more important just to be out playing.  “Get outdoors on a beautiful course on a beautiful day while spending time with your friends or family.” This is the message we need to send. Not: “spend more money on this equipment so you can try to look halfway decent out there.” See the difference?

So: Simpler rules; lower prices; focus on fun.

I don’t want to sugar-coat this – these changes aren’t going to be easy. And the market is still going to shrink while it corrects itself from 20 years of overgrowth. But if the industry can adopt even just one of the three aforementioned fixes, the road to recovery will not only be faster, but the future of golf will be brighter.

Filed Under: The Economics of Golf Tagged With: #growgolf, #keepgolffun, HBO Real Sports, rgaa, rules of golf, Spalding, usga, usrga

Rebel Hack: Playing Above The [Golf] Law

June 6, 2014 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

Should you fear bending a few golf rules?
Should you fear bending a few golf rules?

Yes, I am well aware the USGA has set forth a bunch of rules and what-not for us hacks to abide by. Let’s be real, we the 99.9% of the 30 million golfers in the U.S. do not golf for a paycheck. In fact we actually pay to play. So, if I’m paying I’m making the rules, no? We’re not talking about a complete overhaul of the law here, just a few tweaks that are more hack friendly – possibly something like what the Recreational Golf Association of America has done.

This past weekend my buddy and I hit the local track for a quick nine. During our play we were confronted with a couple issues that required some rule bending. I’m writing about it so I can justify our actions and not feel like a cheating scumbag. The first problem we came across was when my ball ended up in the sand trap. Upon reaching the trap, I noticed a bunch of little yellow jacket nests in the sand. F*** that S***! I left my ball there and dropped another one a good 5 yards from the trap and continued to play without taking any penalty.

Granted, that is not a big deal, but we were still curious to know what the ruling would have been. I did a quick search but couldn’t find anything (not surprising, since you need a guide book to understand the rule book). Moving on, the next issue is actually something we have talked about before and we even coined a term for it – PAF! The Pro Advantage Factor (PAF) came into play when my buddy hit his tee shot and couldn’t find it. We saw it land just off the fairway into the rough but we couldn’t find it. Is that fair to take a penalty for that? Hell no! On the tour, someone in the gallery and/or a marshal would have found that ball immediately!

I’m sure stuff like this happens every day on every course. How closely do you actually follow the rules? I’d love to hear what you think!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: breaking rules, golf rules, paf rule, rgaa, rules of golf, USGA

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