GolfStinks

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Who Would You Golf With?

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One of the things we like to know about the members of Golfstinks is; Who you would have in your dream foursome? If you had the chance to assemble three other golfers (or non-golfers…we don’t judge)  who would you choose? This is something that could change every so often or not at all. This took some time to compile but I think I got a good group…for now.

#1 Michael Jordan. What else do I need to say? A fierce competitor, a great golfer and most importantly – he takes chances. Mike’s a gambler (literally) and is not afraid to throw-down a few grand on a shot. I admire his fearlessness. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t afford one hole with this guy but I’d like to see it go down.

#2 Robert De Niro. Fuhgettaboutit. I have no idea if he really likes golf but I want him in the foursome. There are two reasons why. A) When I mess up a shot it would be funny to hear him say “You screwed up just a little bit, just a little bit.” And B) When he screws up a shot, it’ll be the absolute best to see him go Jimmy “The Gent” Conway on his clubs.

#3 Chevy Chase. Yes, I love Caddyshack. Yes, Ty Webb was a great character and yes, I do want to hear lines from the movie. Come on, who wouldn’t? If Ted Knight was still alive he might have made the cut as well. Just remember to be the ball and stay out of the lumberyard…

So, who’s in your foursome?

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golfing With That Guy

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When I say that guy, I’m referring to that guy. You know who I’m talking about. The person that everyone can’t stand and tries not to become. Please do not confuse that guy with “that” guy – the one who sneaks into the background of photos unnoticed. Such as “Hey, what a great picture of…wait a minute…who’s that guy making faces in the back?”

As you can probably see, this is going to be somewhat of a rant. So, a friend of mine and I were paired up with another two at a local track. As soon as we approached the two, red flags went up all over the place. The that guy warning siren was blaring in my head. Here we had the first guy adjusting those balance or weight screws on his driver and explaining to his buddy the reason for them. Oh boy, a know-it-all.

Just to clarify, his buddy didn’t seem to give a rat’s ass about the driver, its weights or whatever else was being explained (which was another indicator of what was in store). But, I told myself not to jump to conclusions and gave him a fair shake. We step to the tee box and have at it. Wouldn’t you know, Mr. Let-Me-Adjust-My-Driver-For-The-Wind-Conditions shanks it right into the lumber yard. WTF! He then proceeds to look for it, swearing it hit off something and bounced out. After not finding it, he insists he has to tee-off again even though there’s a bit of a back up on the tee box. Yep, he’s that guy.

Now, how can this get any worse you ask? That guy also felt the need to quote golf movies while he plays. “Cinderella story…” or “It’s in the hole!” Dude, shut the f@#$ up! Please! We all saw that movie a hundred-thousand times. I can recite the lines verbatim. In fact, I can probably re-enact the whole movie by myself. 

Well, I’m glad I got that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Don’t be that guy.

Ghosts, Goblins and Golf

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There are a few times in golf when you might have the crap scared out of you.

1. Hitting a shot and then realizing it is headed right at another golfer.

2. Being on the receiving end of #1.

3. Playing on a haunted golf course.

With the latter in mind and being in the Halloween spirit, I thought it would be interesting to explore some more haunted golf courses. Last year, Stinky Golfer Chris covered some with his frightening post and this year I wanted to continue. We’ll go from the U.S. to overseas and take a look at some of these spooky tracks.

Many consider New Orleans to be a haunted city and what a great place to start. City Park Golf Course in N’awlins has seen its share of apparitions and ghosts. Stinky Golfer Chris mentioned the paranormal activity on the 18th green of the East course but, how about the the spirit of a murdered woman on the South Course? The next time you hear “Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?” Think twice…

Moving around the south we encounter courses that were built on old plantations and perhaps slave graveyards. Not to mention possible native burial grounds. These sacred final resting spots should have been left alone but the chance to make a buck over-ruled, such as Willow Brook Plantation in South Carolina.

Across the pond at perhaps the most famous golf course in the world, St. Andrews is also home to Martyr’s Monument. The site, right behind the 18th green, on the Old Course where five Protestants were burned at the stake some 500 years ago. Was that cool breeze you just felt coming off the North Sea…or was it coming from something else?

Moving on to the land of kangaroos and shrimp on the barbie, we come to Mt. Lawley Golf Club in Perth, Australia. This course has a hole named “Satan’s Elbow”. And somewhere around that area a man named Michael Oakleigh, as legend has it, committed suicide. Double whammy, not only is the hole named Satan’s elbow, some guy offed himself there too. I think I’ll skip this hole.

This next story is a dead on (pun intended) match for Golfstinks.com! Apparently, Grande Oaks Golf Club (the old Rolling Hills Golf Club where they filmed Caddyshack) and some other South Florida courses seem to be the place where golfers are encountering the ghost of Ted Knight, a.k.a Judge Smails.

How great is that? If I had to go to a haunted place, I would want the ghost to be Judge Smails. Gambling might have been illegal at Bushwood but no one said anything about haunting it…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golf Questions Answered…Part Dos!

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More Q & A that will undoubtably hurt your golf game...
More Q & A that will undoubtably hurt your golf game…

After receiving such positive feedback from my previous post “Golf Questions Answered…The Golfstinks.com Way.” It’s only right that I continue to help my fellow hacks with a follow-up and answer more of your questions. I’m so glad that my vast knowledge is coming in handy once again.

Let’s get it on!

Q: What degree wedge should I play with?
A: You should really avoid playing with wedges at any degree…mild, moderate or severe. They are intrusive, uncomfortable and can cause chafing. Thank you Caddyshack 2…

Q: What’s the best hybrid?
A: That’s kind of a subjective question. The best thing is to figure out how much you want to spend and then take one out for a test drive. I’m liking the effort to go green man.

Q: I just got into an argument with a buddy of mine over this: Is it illegal to pick up your ball, clean it and replace it while on the fairway?
A: Dude, hell yeah it’s illegal! Ummm, hello? I believe that’s called public indecency. Scrub the fellas in the privacy of your own home please.

Q: Would you recommend a Medicus?
A: No, I would recommend a doctor-us. Roman empire-era medical practices are a little barbaric. Stupidus questionus.

Q: How can I tell if my shaft is stiff enough?
A: Well, your shot distance and club head speed will dictate where you need to be. Your golf pro would be better suited to help with that. Or…ask your significant other ;).

That wraps up round 2. I hope you all found this to be a nice learning experience. Thanks again for the support and I’m looking forward to round 3!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!

Caddyshack turns 30! Enter to Win it on Blu-ray DVD!

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I don’t know about you and your foursome, but ours can’t go a few holes without someone inevitably quoting something from Caddyshack. If a player is taking too long to hit: “Let’s go, while we’re young!” or “100 bucks you slice it into the woods!” Which, without fail, leads to: “Gambling is illegal at [insert name of course here] sir, and I never slice!”

Without a doubt, Caddyshack is one of the most quotable movies ever and when you’re on the golf course, it’s hard to resist bringing it up. On an important putt: “Oh Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie…” Walking to the snack shack at the turn: “I’ll have a Hamburger, no…a cheeseburger…[interrupted by another player]…You’ll get nothing and like it!”

Heck, even off the course the quotes make their way into the conversation; Fiddling with my bow-tie along with the other groomsmen before a friend’s wedding: “Mind if I tie you up with some of your ties, Ty?” At the reception during dinner: “Are you gonna eat your fat?” At the hotel vending machine the next morning: “I ain’t payin’ no 2 dollars for no Coke!…[another groomsmen looking on]…Oh, ooooh! Then you ain’t get ‘a no Coke!”

It’s hard to believe Caddyshack is turning 30 this year – that’s three decades of laughs and shenanigans on the course! So to kick-off the big birthday celebration, we here at Golfstinks are giving away 5 copies of the movie on Blu-ray DVD (see the 30th Anniversary site HERE)! The disc also includes the following special features: Caddyshack: The 19th Hole (37 min), a retrospective documentary featuring hilarious outtakes, rare footage and interviews with the stars, cast and creative team members recalling their on-set experiences; and the theatrical trailer.

Here’s how to enter and win your copy:

Simply “Like” our Facebook page and then post your favorite Caddyshack quote on our wall (you may use the quotes above too)! We’ll then select 5 random winners over the next 10 days to receive a free copy of Caddyshack on Blu-ray DVD! We’ll post the winners on our Facebook page after the contest so you can contact us and collect your prize! You must be 18 or older to enter.

Good luck!

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