GolfStinks

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I Got Your AZ Right Here!

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A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don’t have to shovel it off your driveway. ~Author Unknown

Can you believe it’s mid-August already? No, really! Check your calendar if you don’t believe me. Before you know it, you’ll be packing up your clubs and starting your holiday shopping. Ridiculous, right? It’s true…the older you get, the faster time seems to go by. We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we often forget to take some time out for ourselves. But I’ll tell you who has the right idea – the snowbirds.

You know the snowbirds. The minute the weather starts to change during autumn, or that certain date on the calendar arrives, they head south faster than a 2008 stock portfolio. We northern golfers could learn something from these people. After all, once golf season is gone for us, all we can do is sit and wait for it to roll around again in the spring.

But before we trade in that driver for a snow shovel, maybe we should consider extending the golf season a little. Maybe we should become snowbirds ourselves. Maybe a trip to the picturesque southwest. Maybe you could get started at ArizonaGolf.com.

It wasn’t long ago when Stinky Golfer Carlos let us know that late in the year is the perfect time to be golfing in Arizona. The temperatures are dropping into the double digits, greens fees are low…what more could you ask for on a golf trip? Well, how about some great courses? Lucky for you, there is great golf aplenty in Arizona which boasts seven courses on Golf Magazine’s Top 100 You Can Play list (second only to California’s ten).

So what are you waiting for? Head over to ArizonaGolf.com and get started on extending your golf season. With so many fantastic destinations packed into one state – Scottsdale, Tuscon and Phoenix to name a few – the only question should be where to begin.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Do Cheaters Ever Win?

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Let’s say you’re on the last hole. You currently stand at 84 and have never before broken 90. You’re on a par-5 and launched your drive into the woods, but not OB. Out of sight of the rest of your group, you flub your next shot and it manages to bounce only a couple of feet in front of you. Now you’re about to hit your third shot, you’re still in the woods and you realize there’s now no chance of breaking 90. Or, is there?

Sure, there’s always the chance you could pull some miracle shot out from between your cheeks. But you also know that it would take a miracle just for the chance to make that miracle happen. So instead, you take a second to look around, see that no one saw your screw-up…and you hit again. Perfect! You’re back out on the fairway, and as far as anyone knows, it only took you two to get there. Now, you have a realistic chance of breaking 90. But, do you really?

Without a doubt, cheating happens in golf all the time, but I have to wonder why? Take the example above. Sure, your scorecard is going to show an 89; your buddies think you broke that elusive 90. But you know the truth. You know you didn’t do it. So what’s the benefit really? One number on a scorecard? Is that it?

I want to say I understand in a situation like that. But I don’t. I mean, did it win you a bet? Did it win you a tournament? Did it do anything significant? Or is it just something you can tell a story about…even if it is a lie? No matter what the reason, it isn’t good enough.

Everyone always says that you play the game of golf against yourself. Everytime you go out there, you try to beat your best. So, by knocking strokes off of your score that shouldn’t be knocked off…aren’t you just cheating yourself?

Look, I’m no angel out on the course. I don’t play golf 100% by the rules. I don’t carry a rule book around in my pocket or in my bag. I don’t study or memorize the rules either. As a matter of fact, I’ve never so much as looked at the rule book. I hit the ball, walk to it, hit it again. I keep doing this, more or less, until the ball is in the hole. I probably violate a rule here and there. Maybe I move a stick I’m not supposed to move. Maybe that’s cheating. Whatever. The one thing I have never done, intentionally anyway, is not count a stroke. Really now, is the difference between my 102 or 101 that big a deal? What would that one stroke do for me? Especially considering I know I cheated?

There will always be cheaters, no matter the sport; no matter the reason. But I promise, I will not be one of them. How could I ever take my game seriously if I can just write on the card whatever score I feel like writing? So everyone can take it to the bank – if you’re playing a round with me, you will beat me fair and square. You can count on a fair game from me.

Unless we’re playing for money…

The Gateway To A Golf Paradise

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Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and myself, along with two other golfing buddies, took a trip to Hilton Head Island for a golf getaway. We had a great hookup from one of my relatives who owned a condo on the island. This was the first real golf trip any of us had taken, and it was certainly one to remember.

I could get into the many details of the trip, but I can much more easily sum it up with one comment. While riding in a cart down one of the fairways of Palmetto Dunes, enjoying the beautiful views of the Atlantic, Greg turns to me and says simply…”Thank you. Seriously…thank you. This is awesome.” He was right. It was awesome.

Recognize that picture? Of course you do. It’s the famous Harbour Town Lighthouse at Sea Pines. We’ve all seen it. But have you ever had the chance to see it in person? Well thanks to a new website launched by The Golf Channel, here’s your chance. If you’ve been there before, then here’s your chance to do it again. For a great golf getaway, take a peek at http://www.hiltonheadgolf.com/.

For any golfers who haven’t yet found their way to Hilton Head, my friends, you are truly missing out on a great golf experience. Now I’ve never been to Myrtle Beach, but as it’s been described to me, Hilton Head is Myrtle Beach with better golf and without the touristy feel. I can attest to both of those points.

As for the golf, during a short trip, we managed to squeeze in two rounds of 18, one round at Palmetto Dunes and the other at Shipyard. Those two rounds being not quite enough, on the morning of our final day, we squeezed in another 9 holes at Sea Pines (home of Harbour Town) on the Ocean Course. Each round was an experience like no other. Be it the stunning ocean views, gators walking past the greens as you’re putting or the beautiful, lush courses themselves…it’s tough to beat the variety of courses you’ll find on Hilton Head. Even if you can’t make it to Harbour Town, you’re sure to do fine with any of the courses The Golf Channel has featured for you here.

Let’s not forget though, there’s much more to a golf trip than just golf. What about food? As far as I’m concerned, food is a close second to the golf itself. Luckily, the good people at The Golf Channel have similar feelings as they’ve provided a dining guide on the site as well. Oh, and I can personally vouch for a number of restaurants on that list including Antonio’s, The Crazy Crab and Harbourside Burgers & Brews at Sea Pines just to name a few.

Since my last visit to Hilton Head, I’ve always wanted to make a return trip. Now that The Golf Channel has made it so easy, I have almost no excuse. The courses, food, places to stay and even packages…it’s all right there at your fingertips.

For those golfers who have yet to visit Hilton Head….you don’t know what you’re missing. After visiting twice (once for golf and once for relaxation…and, no…they’re not the same thing), I’m still looking forward to going again. If nice weather, great golf and a laid back, relaxing environment are what you’re looking for, then http://www.hiltonheadgolf.com/ is a great place to start.

That Elusive Hole in One…and Free Steak!

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Recently, I was traveling in Omaha, Nebraska on business. I had just gotten finished visiting the Omaha Steaks stand at the airport (I was buying this beef jerky they sell for dogs – no lie, my dog loves them) when my co-worker Matt asked me if I had ever gotten a hole in one.

Immediately, I told him that I had not, but then I started making excuses. I explained that I had holed a couple shots from par-3-distance (one from 125 yards and one from 200 yards). I mean, if I were on a tee box when I took those shots, I would have two aces under my belt. Heck, I should get more credit for my two shots since neither were off a tee (and we all know it’s easier to hit off a tee).

Alas, I had to settle for eagle (the 125 yard-shot) and birdie (the 200-yard shot). That 200-yard birdie should have been a double-eagle, but I hit my drive OB on a short par 5 and was hitting my provisional from the fairway…typical. So no, I have never gotten a hole in one. It doesn’t really bother me…but I’ve played a lot of golf over the last 20 years, you would think the odds are with me. Of course, I am a self proclaimed “stinky golfer” and write for a blog called “Golf Stinks” so I guess the odds are right where they ought to be.

Anyway, shortly after my visit to Omaha last month (and in a rather interesting coincidence), I received an email from Omaha Steaks. I initially thought it was a customer satisfaction survey for my dog to fill out. Instead, they explained Omaha Steaks is running a “Hole in One” promotion for the month of August through their Facebook page – If you get a hole in one, you win a FREE package of 4 Omaha Steaks Filet Mignons!

But what about if you don’t get a hole in one? That’s OK! Because the good folks at Omaha Steaks have secured a $20 gift card for one lucky Golf Stinks reader! All you have to do is:

1. Make sure you “like” both the Golfstinks Facebook page and the Omaha Steaks Facebook page.

and

2. Post “I Entered the Omaha Steaks Contest!” on the Golfstinks Facebook page.

That’s it – we’ll automatically enter you to win during a drawing on August 16th!

Good Luck!

I Never Realized How Much I Stink at Golf Until…

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…I heard the name Bobby Wyatt. I’m sure by now most of you have heard about Wyatt’s 57. No, that’s not a new brand of whiskey you’ll find on the shelves of your local packie. It’s a golf score. On 18 holes. On a regulation golf course. By a 17-year old. Under the pressure of playing in a state championship.

But for some reason, it didn’t seem to get the publicity one would imagine considering its rarity. How rare is it? Well, unofficially, only three times has a lower score ever been recorded and on none of those previous occasions was the course over 6,500 yards.

How amazing is that 57 in comparison to my golf game? Let’s put it this way – I came home from a round once and had my wife ask me how I did. I responded “I shot a 59.” She said “I thought you were playing 18?” Even my wife, who admittedly has no clue what the scores mean, knows enough that I have no chance of EVER approaching that number on 18 holes.

But that’s OK…that’s not why I play. However, seeing someone shoot a round containing more birdies than I have recorded in twelve years is still quite humbling, no matter your skill level. So as if watching this kid, who is half my age, single-handedly makes my quest to one day break 90 seem pathetic and meaningless…I wondered about a couple of other golf feats that I would never approach. Here are the two that stood out most…

Holes-in-One:
I have yet to record one. I once came within about a foot on the same hole, in the same round, as one of my playing partners who came within about 3 inches. Otherwise, I’ve never really threatened to drop in the all-elusive ace. But Norman Manley? According to the United States Golf Register, Norman supposedly has 59 aces in his golfing career. 59!

Considering I have seen the odds of a hole-in-one range anywhere between 1 in 40,000 to 1 in 1,000,000, I really have to question the amount of truth behind that number. Is it legit? Is it a hoax? Is it an “I caught the biggest fish I’ve ever seen in my life but no one was there to see it” tale? I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it ranks right there with crop circles and Wilt Chamberlain’s extra-curricular activities.

Longest Drive:
Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing in a local tournament. We came upon a “long-drive” hole and Greg asked me if I was going to give it a go. Not one to back down from a challenge, I pulled out my shiny new Big Bertha (which has since found its way to eBay), lined up my drive and let loose a bomb like I’ve never hit before. When I reached the ball, I believed it to be the longest drive I’d ever hit – 320 yards. I knew it was 320 because just five yards in front of me was the marker for the longest drive of the day. Close, but no cigar. This drive however, was child’s play in comparison to that of a drive recorded by “Mighty” Mike Austin.

In 1974, Austin, who was already well known for his long drives, released a 515-yard missile during the U.S. National Seniors Open Championship. I understand it happened in a tournament and it’s recognized as the longest drive ever in competition…, but 515? By a (at the time) 64 year old man? Using golf club technology that is 36 years old? For comparisons sake, muscle-bound men, competing in long drive championships with clubs custom built for distance in competition cannot hit that far with today’s technology. As a matter of fact, the long-drive competition record is 539 – only 24 yards farther.

I’m sorry, but this one ranks right up there with Mantle’s 565-foot home run. I just can’t really believe that’s true, and physics backs it up. Especially when I have seen juiced-up guys like Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds hammer shots that have not even approached that mark. I’m sure it was a long drive, but it wasn’t 515 yards. Unless that tournament was taking place on the moon.

Whether or not these “records” hold true, they are marks that will likely never be challenged by me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll try. Anytime I come upon a par-3…I’ll be looking for my first ace. Any long-drive hole that crosses my path…I’ll do my best to make my mark. After all, like every other one, these records are made to be broken.

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