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How Dangerous Can Golf Be?

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A real life Chubbs Petersen. How many times have we heard that in the past week? Some poor guy gets half his arm bitten off by a gator and no one feels bad for him. All we can do is make jokes and call him “Chubbs.” Well, I think it’s time we said enough is enough and realize this guy could have been killed. But I’ll get to that right after this joke:

This guy is staying at a tropical resort and decides to head out to the club course. He’s set-up with a caddy that carries the bag over one shoulder and a rifle over the other. Feeling a little nervous upon the site of the gun, he hooks his first shot into the rough. When he went to take his second shot, an alligator charged him. But right away, the caddy shot and killed the gator.

On the second hole, the drive again headed into the rough. While setting up for his next shot, another gator comes out of the water. Again, the caddy shoots and kills the gator.

On the third hole, the shot lands in a muddy area right next to a sleeping gator. The guy looks at the caddy who still has the rifle over his shoulder. The golfer says “Aren’t you going to shoot that gator?” The caddy shakes his head and says “No extra shots on a par-3.”

From what I understand this happened on a par-4, so was he not using the right caddy?

But seriously, I have played golf in South Carolina (Hilton Head specifically) and have whacked my ball to within fifteen feet of some relatively large gators. It’s nerve-racking, but I walked up and hit my ball anyway. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the safest thing to do, but I didn’t have a rule-book with me and didn’t know if I would have to take a stroke or not if I left it there. Not wanting to risk a stroke, I risked my life instead. Ahh to be young and stupid again…

Although gator attacks on humans are very rare, there are many other accidents which occur on golf courses throughout the country, many on a regular basis and some fatal. As a matter of fact, according to a 2008 University of Alabama report, throughout the United States there are slightly over 1,000 golf-cart related injuries per month! I’m sure anyone who has ever driven a golf cart, recklessly or not, can imagine some of the accidents which can, and do, occur. For instance, back in August of this year, a 46-year old TD Bank executive fell from a moving cart on a New Jersey course and died of head trauma.

Considering the amount of golf-cart related injuries, according to a study by E.G. Kelly, most are not fatal. In his study, “Major Injuries Occurring During Use of a Golf Cart,” only 4 of the 111 cases studied resulted in a fatality. However, golf-cart injuries are only part of the story. Freak accidents occur almost as often.

Less than two weeks ago, a 61-year old Texas man was killed when he fell head-first down an embankment while attempting to retrieve a ball.

In Scotland, a 66-year old woman was killed when she was struck in the head by a golf ball. What makes this story more disturbing is, according to some reports, the ball that struck her was hit by her playing partner…from the teebox…which both players were standing at the time! Obviously the ball was mis-hit at just the right (or wrong) angle.

One of the more publicized accidents occurred back in 2005. A man was teeing-off and could see his father about 150 yards down the fairway hiding behind a tree. The ball just happened to ricochet off of a branch on that very tree and hit his father in the back of the neck. A few minutes later his father collapsed. He died the next day of a cerebral hemorrhage (this story was featured on a 2009 Golf Channel episode of Golf in America).

These are just a few examples, and many more can be found just by doing a simple internet search. Like most accidents, many can be prevented by simply paying attention to your surroundings and using better judgment. And for goodness sake, if you’re playing in South Carolina and your ball goes in the water…just leave it there.

Home on the Range (Golf Range that Is…)

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By definition, a golf driving range is a practice facility usually consisting of an area to drive/lob/chip balls at various targets denoting distances in order to get an idea of what each club is capable of doing. It is a place to work on consistency, accuracy and “proper” form. The driving range has also been used as a place for dates (that’s pretty sad actually), child activities and various other recreational stress relievers by golfers and non-golfers alike.

My time at the range is initially spent in frustration. I get my token, put it in the ball machine and for the life of me can never seem to get the right size bucket. All of a sudden there’s balls going all over the place and I’m chasing them down like an idiot. You know, ducking backswings and the inevitable; having to look like a squeaking cheap bastard because one them rolled near someone else’s stash and when you go over to pick it up it looks like you’re stealing a ball. Obviously, a confrontation ensues and it turns into a friggin Seinfeld episode because you have to explain yourself. All of this over a range ball.

When I finally get to an open driving bay, I have a nervous breakdown trying to find the right tee…those big, stupid rubber tees! I have better luck finding a four leaf clover than finding one the right length. It’s like I either need Huggy Bear’s platform shoes or I’m driving from the mat. Well, I fixed their asses…I grabbed the longest one I could find, cut it to size and took it with me (I sure showed them).

Now as with any public place, there are a variety of people and a variety of stereotypes to go along with them. There’s the guy that dresses like he’s on tour – has the real nice expensive bag with all the fixins’ and exaggerates his nice swing so everybody sees him and oooh’s and aaah’s. There’s the guy that brings all of his clubs but only uses the driver. And then there’s the guy that should have a sock in his mouth because his cursing and swearing upsets everyone.

I also crack-up whenever I see people at the range who insist they are good, but slice so much they should be an Iron Chef. Sometimes you can hear them talking to themselves (in a looney bin kind of way). And once, I could of swore I heard “I’ll never make it in Q school.” It’s safe to say the only tour that guy will be making is the Culture Club re-union.

Now, as much as I would love to improve my game and be consistent with my irons and all that other jazz, I thoroughly enjoy driving balls at the ball retriever vehicle thingy. Especially when I’m in the company of a like-minded friend or fellow range neighbor. The fun really begins when the betting starts: “Five bucks if you hit the cart…$50 if you somehow hit the driver…” We all know that the cart is wrapped in golf ball armor and it is virtually impossible to pose any threat to the driver but, we still try (I know, we’re sadistic bastards). It should be noted that some behavioral psychiatrists believe that we have a natural morbid curiosity with seeing death, trauma/gore or just all around destruction. Since we are somewhat civil and haven’t been raised by wolves or apes, we tend to control that curiosity…or not.

Anyway, as my last ball careens toward the ball-retriever cart, I’m left wondering about the people who only know golf by what they see and do at the driving range. You know, those people who have never set foot on a golf course but still think the range is “fun.” Sometimes I envy them – their idea of golf is far less complicated than mine. It’s much easier to hit mindlessly at the range cart guy than aim for the pin. Hmmmm. do you think the MOFOBETE snack cart should have a giant target in it’s roof? Better yet…where’s the ranger’s cart?!?

6 Popular Golf Bets to Make Things More Interesting

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Sometime a few bucks on the line can spice golf up a bit...
Sometimes a few bucks on the line can spice golf up a bit…

Several years ago a threesome of us stinky golfers were paired-up for nine holes with somewhat of a local sports celebrity – the first baseman for one of our in-state minor league baseball teams. Being baseball fans, as well as fans of the team, we were excited for the opportunity.

Now this was a pretty big guy and I clearly remember watching him hit some drives like they were hanging curve balls. I mean, he was crushing these things. It was something to remember. But that’s not what I recall most about the round. The memory that still pops up most often is not his drives, but my introduction to golf betting games.

Somewhere around the 12th or 13th hole the big guy asks us if we’d be interested in playing for a little money. “Sure, why not?” So he proceeds to explain to us a game called “Wolf.” This game was completely foreign to us, and to this day I’m not sure if we were playing 100% correctly. But we played anyway, and I’ll admit…the prospect of winning or losing (especially losing) a few bucks sure did add a whole lot of intrigue to the round, and it sure did make me try harder.

Thinking about it now, it made me wonder how many of these betting games there are and how many people actually incorporate them into their round. Turns out, there are literally dozens of these games, and according to a 2006 Golf Digest poll, 93% of golfers bet on their rounds at least “some of the time.” Ninety-three percent is a pretty big number, so I decided to take a look into the most popular of these games. Here are what I found them to be:

#1 – “Nassau” (aka “Best Nines”) – Probably the easiest bet to remember how to play, which may be why it’s the most popular. This one is basically three games/three bets in one – best front nine, best back nine and best eighteen played in any format (stroke, match, scramble, best ball, etc…).

#2 – “Wolf” (aka “Ship, Captain & Crew”, “Boss” and “Pig”) – Players rotate being the wolf on each hole. The wolf can choose to partner with another and play the hole 2-on-2 or play the hole 1-on-3. Obviously the low score, or lowest total score if played with a partner, wins the hole. If choosing to go 2-on-2, the wolf must choose his partner immediately after that player’s drive. If he doesn’t choose any of the drives, then the wolf plays the hole 1-on-3 and can either win or lose double the bet. The wolf can also choose to go “Lone Wolf.” He must do this immediately after his own drive. This way, the wolf can either win or lose triple the bet. One addition to this game is, if the Wolf is overly confident, he can choose to go “Lone Wolf” before he even hits his own drive. If this is the case, the Wolf can then either win or lose quadruple the bet. Tied holes can be carried over, but are normally erased.

#3 – “Bingo Bango Bongo” – This game is based on achievements and being the first to do something on each hole. The first player on the green gets a bingo. The closest to the pin when all four balls are on the green is a bango. The first in the hole is a bongo. Each one is worth a predetermined amount (maybe $1 each from each player). If one player does all three first, then that player wins double. The best thing about this game is it keeps with the golf etiquette side of things. Also, it gives the players who may have screwed up their drive and hacked their way down the fairway a chance to make up for it with a chip or a putt.

#4 – “Aces & Deuces” (aka “Acey Ducey”) – Another simple one. The low score on each hole wins a predetermined amount from each of the other players. The high score on the hole loses a predetermined amount to the other golfers. This can be played alternately so the high score has to pay the low score an additional amount. Obviously, this can get expensive if you are clearly the worst golfer in your foursome.

#5 – “Las Vegas” – This one must be played as a foursome since it is played as two teams of two players. Each team plays for a team score, but the score is not totalled. Rather, it is paired. If one player scores a 3 and the other a 4, the score is not 7 – it would be 34. The lower score goes first unless one player scores a 10 or more in which case the higher score would be put first. The difference in the team score represents the predetermined amount won or lost on each hole. Example – if the bet is $1 per stroke and Team A scores a 45 and Team B a 56, then Team B owes Team A $11 on that hole. Obviously, this is another game that can get quite expensive if the bet amount is high enough (hence the name Vegas).

#6 – “Chicago” (aka “Thirty-nines” or “39’s”) – Golfers begin their round with negative points. Points start at -39 and is adjusted based on your handicap. If your handicap is 12, your score starts at -27. If your handicap is 28, your score starts at -11. This continues up to -3. Points are gained based on the following:

Bogey is 1 point
Par is 2 points
Birdie is 4 points
Eagle is 8 points

Highest point total at the end of the round wins. Total winnings can be based on point differential or a predetermined amount.

Aside from the dozens of games themselves, there are also alternate rules to each. Combine that with the amount of the wager, and there can literally be an infinite amount of golf bets!

Upon learning about some of these bets and games, as well as experiencing it for myself, I can understand why so many people place wagers on their rounds, whether they are good players or not. It adds another dimension to the game. It adds another layer of competition as well as another layer of fun. It also helps you to raise your level of play. Maybe your game is not quite at the level you would like? Put some money on it. I guarantee you’ll focus a lot harder.

First of All, You’re Swinging From the Wrong Side…

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Yeah, like I never heard that before…you unoriginalbastid!All my life I grew up swinging a bat and hockey stick left-handed while actually being right-handed.

It never occurred to me how fairly uncommon that is until I started playing golf. I remember walking up to the first tee and setting up and hearing: “Wow, you’re lefty?” WTF is that? Why not just put me in a cage somewhere and draw a crowd? “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls I present Lefto the amazing right-handed lefty! Watch as he writes his name right handed and then swings a club left!” Whoopty-Freakin’-Doo! And what’s with the lame ball-breaking comments? Hey Mr. Golfer Person-Who-Thinks-He/She-Is-Funny: you and your wise cracks can go kick rocks!

Everybody knows golf courses were designed for righty’s (probably not true but I’m going with it). Try finding left handed clubs…fuhgedaboutit! Don’t get me wrong, they exist (obviously) but have a very limited selection. For instance, try walking into a golf store and search for their left handed section. It’s like all the way in the back of the store in a corner behind some boxes waiting to be brought to the dumpster. And then the selection! My oh my, what a selection they have…maybe two new sets from last year that are demos and a used set that was pieced together by someones uncle back in the 80’s.

Now here’s what else I noticed: Righty’s can go into a store, try-out a set and then go purchase them online cheaper. We lefty’s (at least me) do not have that luxury (Is that why I couldn’t find that left-handed Chi Chi Rodriguez wood driver)?

I understand the right-handed to left-handed ratio is about 9:1 (except in Canada where it is about 7:3…perhaps thanks to ice hockey)? But does that make us any less of a consumer of golf products? Hey, we put out a few greats: Bob Charles, Mike Weir and Phil “FIGJAM” Mickelson. Maybe we should start getting some respect! Just my $.02…

Male-Only Golf Clubs: Sexist Bastards or Constitutional Right?

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(photo by
Have golf courses like Augusta National been hiding behind the constitution for too long? (photo by Roger Sayles / CC BY-ND 2.0)

I wrote in a blog post the other day that golf is a “gentleman’s game.” My reference was rather tongue-in-cheek, but for some courses this is a literal truth. One would think men-only golf courses are in contradiction to what the USGA wants the game to become, yet it’s hard to squash the constitutional rights of a privatized club. I’m clearly not the first to discuss this topic (most prominent in recent memory being the continuing controversy between Hootie and Martha), but I thought I’d give the fire a stoking.

“We aren’t closed-door, wives and girlfriends can come out and have lunch. Really, the only thing they [women] can’t do is play the golf course.” – PGA professional Scott Walter (Bear Creek Golf Club, Denver Colorado).

Funny, I thought it used to be the only thing women couldn’t do in the United States was vote, and we amended the Constitution to change that about 90 years ago.

Bear Creek is one of about a dozen clubs in the U.S. that don’t allow women to play golf there. Others, such as Augusta National, don’t allow women members, while many more make it hard or undesirable for women to join (should note that while there are no women members at Augusta, a woman may be “invited” to play the course – especially a woman of notoriety, such as an LPGA player).

A course that is off-limits to women (both as members and players) is Southern Dunes in Phoenix, which has been the subject of a couple articles – one from travelgolf.com contributor Chris Baldwin. A few years ago, Mr. Baldwin had the opportunity to play Southern Dunes and subsequently penned the article “Defending the Undefendable: Men-Only Golf Clubs.” In the assessment of his experience there, Mr. Baldwin relegated the membership to “a bunch of golf nerds, through and through.”

Wrote Mr. Baldwin: “Let them be nerds! Women have their gyms where no men are allowed in to gawk at them in their stretch Spandex. They have Oprah. And any single or stay-at-home dad can tell you how open those playground clubs really are. Why can’t a bunch of golf nerds have their own club?” I find it amusing that just because these guys are a bunch of nerds, we should overlook the fact that women can’t play their course. And what nerds are members there? Here’s a few: Former NFL defensive tackle Dan Saleaumua, former Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer and former Mets catcher Todd Hundley. Yep, those guys epitomize the word “nerd” in my book!

Mr. Baldwin suggests that while clearly a stereotype, women may actually induce a slower pace-of-play on the course. Too funny. He should read this related post at Real Women Golf. (I should note that Mr. Baldwin ultimately said he would never join a men-only club, claiming the guys there seem to take their golf game too seriously for his liking).

But here’s the thing; Imagine you were on a quest to play Golf Digest’s Top 100 courses (which has been accomplished multiple times by various men). If you are a woman, you can’t do it. Is that fair? Up until the 1990’s, if you were an African American man you couldn’t play the top 100 either (and you may still be discouraged at some clubs today). That’s just sad. Meanwhile, the USGA is concerned the sport is not attracting enough minorities and women. Hello?

To play devil’s advocate for a second, this is a free country and private clubs should be able to exclude whoever they want, right? That got me wondering if there were any women-only golf clubs out there. Turns out there is one in North America…but it’s not in the United States. In Canada, there’s The Ladies’ Golf Club of Toronto – and it’s nearly 10-years older than Augusta National! But even these ladies have softened a bit, as they now allow a limited number of men to become “guest card holders.”

As a public golf course connoisseur, it’s hard for me to imagine excluding anyone from playing on any course – if you know the etiquette of the game, I say tee-off. But I also understand the appeal of private memberships – I mean, your dues are paying for some type of exclusivity, right? But does that really have to exclude a gender? If you want male camaraderie, why can’t your foursome be men-only? Or does it really kill the afternoon to see a group of women playing a few fairways over?

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