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Crime On The Golf Course: The Use Of Illegal Equipment

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The Polara Golf Ball is among the more [in]famous non-conforming equipment
Polara Golf is among the more well-known non-conforming equipment companies
OK, that title is totally tongue-in-cheek.  Sarcastic even.  It’s amazing what an uproar is caused when a golfer finds out that another golfer is using “illegal” golf equipment.  You know, for a sport who’s players claim they are “playing against themselves,” they sure are awfully worried about what everyone else is doing.

Let’s start with that word…”Illegal.”  That’s a funny way to put it.  Illegal…not “non-regulation,” but illegal…like the golf course S.W.A.T. Team is going to come repelling out of the trees and surround you right there on the fairway for using the old Condor golf ball.  No other commonly played sport (by non-pro athletes) refers to non-regulation equipment as illegal…only golf.  People don’t call a basketball with better grip an illegal ball.  It’s simply a non-regulation ball.  When I played softball in a league, we didn’t care if someone wore specifically softball cleats or not.  Some players didn’t even wear cleats!  The softball justice squad didn’t bust through the gates to take us down.  No arrests, no charges.

Secondly, why does it matter so much?  If you’re out playing a pickup basketball game, do you care what type of ball you have?  Do you call someone on it when they show up without a Spalding Official NBA ball?  I sure don’t, and at $90+ each, who can blame them for not showing up with one?  If you’re playing a game of touch football, do you care if you’re not playing with an official Wilson regulation NFL ball?  Of course not.  So why do you care if someone plays with a Polara golf ball?  Or an “illegally” weighted putter?  Or pretty much anything made by a company like NGC Golf?  I’ll tell you why.  Because as much as you claim to be, you’re not really “playing against yourself,” are you?

In the grand scheme of things, in relation to playing at the pro level, you and I playing on our local public (or private) course is no different than a few guys playing pickup hoops or beer league softball.  So what do you care what kind of ball someone else uses?  Why do you care if some other guy is using an “illegally” weighted putter?  What does it matter to you if the face of somebody’s driver has “illegal” grooves?  You’re supposed to be playing against yourself, right?  So worry about what you do, not what some other guy does.  I played an entire round with a guy who used the Polara balls.  I even tried it out once!  So what do I care?

However, if there’s money on the line…well now…that’s a different story.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Why I Don’t Bet On Golf

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I really can’t afford to do it, but I sometimes can’t help myself.  I like to bet on things.  I don’t know about anyone else, but the prospect of winning a few extra dollars makes any game more interesting.  It’s one of the many reasons I enjoy fantasy football.  But I like to bet on the games themselves, get into pools, draw horses names from a hat for the Kentucky Derby…whatever.  And not just on sports either – a co-worker is pregnant, let’s start a baby pool!  But there’s one sport that I’ve never bet on and I’m just not sure I ever will – golf.

Is it me, or is golf just too hard to bet on.  For me, there’s two reasons this is the case: 1. In the bigger tournaments where the superstars are, the odds are always crappy.  You have to put down way too much money to win anything significant.  2. In rounds when the stars aren’t playing, the field is so wide open and some names are so unfamiliar that there’s rarely a “good bet.”  Take for example this weekend.  Leading up to it, everyone was saying that Mickelson is the favorite among golf betting fans to win the Greenbrier Classic, and he is one of the superstars.  But lo and behold, the weekend rolled around and he was nowhere to be found.  At +2, he didn’t even make the cut!  So much for favorites.

So, what about the majors, when all of the stars come out to play?  Well, the odds for the Open Championship later this month have Tiger as the early favorite at 8 to 1.  But with his relatively inconsistent play, is that where you want to put your money?  And with the field full of such stars, the odds are probably not even as good as they may appear to be.  So what to do?  All of those names at the top look tempting, but then again, so do many of the names on the list.

You see what I mean?  There are just too many options and the field is just too wide open.  Do you go with one of the favorites, or one of the sleepers?  And in the majors, are there any sleepers really?  It’s just too damn complicated.  So for me, I think I’ll stick with football and pregnancy pools.  However, that being said, I’m going with Luke Donald.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

5 Signs You’re in the “Tennis Shoe Crowd”

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tennis shoe crowd
The stereotypical Tennis Shoe Crowd golfer (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

There are many different characters you have the opportunity to meet when you play golf at a public course, but perhaps none are more interesting than those we refer to as “The Tennis Shoe Crowd” (see link for definition and photo at left for visual).

Recently, I wrote about how I haven’t played a round of golf yet this year. As I was penning that post, the thought occurred to me that I, myself, might be joining the ranks of The Tennis Shoe Crowd for sheer lack of playing time! But fortunately, this past weekend (my first round of the season) I was reminded that it takes much more to join this special group than just golfing infrequently.

That being said, don’t let this affliction catch you off guard…Instead, be on the lookout for the following 5 symptoms – any one of them could be a sign you’re on your way to joining that misguided bunch affectionately known as The Tennis Shoe Crowd:

#1: You’re wearing tennis shoes or sneakers instead of golf shoes on the course (and other non-golf attire). While waiting in the course parking lot for my golf buddy to arrive this past weekend, I snapped the picture above. This guy is immediately recognizable as a member of The Tennis Shoe Crowd. The first obvious sign is he’s wearing tennis shoes instead of golf shoes. But there are other obvious signs too: He’s not only not wearing a collared shirt*, but it’s a sleeveless shirt! And jean shorts? I love the keys hanging off his belt too. This guy is wearing what he would wear any-other weekend when he’s not on the course – which is fine, but in doing so, it makes him our poster boy for The Tennis Shoe Crowd.

#2: You’re golfing frequency slows to once or twice a year. While I don’t anticipate golfing only once this season, it’s a possibility. But it takes more than just one year of playing once or twice. In general, members of The Tennis Shoe Crowd golf once or twice every year. Sometimes they even skip a year or two altogether. If it’s been a few years and you’ve only played a couple times, consider selling your clubs and golfing attire; purchasing used clubs at a garage sale (see #3 below) and adopting The Tennis Shoe Crowd way of golfing.

#3: Your clubs (and balls) are at least a decade old. Did you have to remember where your clubs were before playing the last time? Is your golf bag a hodge-podge collection of clubs from different golf sets? Are you carrying range balls in your bag with the intent of playing them? While having old, mix-matched clubs and balls doesn’t make you a Tennis Shoe Crowd member in and of itself, it could be a sign you’re eligible for membership. Now, there’s nothing wrong with garage sale clubs, but keep in mind it does make you appear Tennis Shoe Crowd-ish.

#4: The rules and golf etiquette are lost on you. Did the ranger (or your playing partner) have to tell you to not leave your golf bag on the green while putting? Are you using your ball-retriever to retrieve balls that aren’t yours? Actually, having a ball-retriever in the first place could be a sign. If you’re aimlessly wandering through the round hitting the wrong ball; stepping in someone else’s line; and holding up 6 foursomes behind you, chances are you don’t play too often (see #2 above). And meeting two of the criteria on this list is a pretty good sign you’re a full-fledged member of The Tennis Shoe Crowd.

#5: You take more care securing the cooler of beer to the cart than you do your clubs. In other words, if your clubs fall off the back of the cart, it’s not as big of a problem for you than if the cooler fell out. Even if you don’t meet any of the other criteria on this list but insist on getting wasted to enjoy golf, you’re probably in denial of being a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd.

So be warned! If you or someone you know meets any of the criteria above, it could be a sign of membership in The Tennis Shoe Crowd. And if you are either paired up with, or are set to play behind someone that is dressed similar to the guy in the photo above who also happens to be in a cart with a cooler of beer strapped to it – go home and play another day. Trust me – mowing your lawn will be far preferable to 18 (or even 9) behind that guy.

*Should note the course “waived” their collared shirt rule for both the gentleman pictured and his collarless companion – times must be tough in the golf industry indeed.

Back When I Used To Play Golf

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Empty Golf Range
Empty Golf Range (Photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Back when I used to play golf, I would play roughly 30 to 40 times a year. That’s not too shabby considering I was married; owned a home; wasn’t retired; and lived in a state that was covered in snow a good portion of the winter.

Every spring (from roughly 2001 – 2009), I would create a schedule that would be passed around to my foursome (and one or two subs that would fill in from time to time). The schedule would include dates and locations of each course we would play.

And we would play a lot: 18 holes every other weekend and 9 holes on the weekends that we didn’t play 18. From April through most of November, my Saturdays (or Sundays) were spent on a different golf course within 1-2 hours driving distance from my house.

Since 2010 though, things have changed. That year, I played 15 times. 2011 was just 8 times. Last year, 14 times. And so far this year, I have yet to step foot on a tee-box (yes, I realize it’s already well into June).

So what happened? Well, the wife and I (a kid-free couple of 10 years) decided to, well…have kids. My son was born in 2010 and my daughter this past March…and I love them both to the moon and back.

But adding just one kid cuts into a good chunk of your leisure time. Adding a second (as I’m finding out) seems to cut into a much larger chunk than the first did!

The funny thing is I didn’t even really think about not playing until now. Seriously – so far this spring and summer we’ve been to an amusement park; a baseball game; two strawberry festivals; the zoo; the beach (twice); and the local natural history museum (twice). Golf? Not one thought.

Actually I take that back. I did text a buddy to play 9 one Sunday morning about a month ago. What happened? Woke up that Sunday to rain…go figure.

But I guess I really didn’t realize until now that I hadn’t played yet this season, which is strange considering I write for a golf blog. You would think it would always be in the back of my mind. But having kids has a way of changing you.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m itching to get out on the links. This is the longest I’ve gone into a season without playing.

Yes, back when I used to play golf, I loved every minute of it. And the next time I play, I will love every minute of that too. It might be next weekend, or next April – who knows? But the bottom line is you never stop loving this game – whether you play once or 100 times a year, golf has a way of endearing itself to you.

In the meantime, I’ll settle for swinging at a practice golf ball with a plastic 7-iron a foot too short for me. Though it’s not too short for my 2 year old – it seems golf has already endeared itself on him. And that my friends, is the light at the end of the tunnel – soon enough (probably too soon), spending time with my kids will include spending time on the golf course.

How great is that?

Who’s Up For A Golf Brawl?

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Ever get into a rumble on the golf course?
Do fights on the golf course really happen?

As they say, there’s no such thing as bad press.  And last weeks bench-clearing brawl between the L.A. Dodgers and Arizona Diamondbacks was proof positive.  Now baseball brawls are not uncommon, but they happen infrequently enough that it’s a big deal when they do.  It’s not like a hockey fight where they happen so often that it’s just become part of the game.  No one outside of hockey fans cares about a hockey fight anymore.  But a bench-clearer in baseball?  It’s all over ESPN, Sportscenter, sports highlight shows and, with this particular one, even my local news the next morning!  Imagine that type of coverage for a regular golf tournament?

Come on now…admit it.  Deep down, I know most of us golf fans have a little voice telling us how much we’d like to see Tiger and Sergio come to blows right on one of the tees, mid-tourney.  I know some of you probably just gasped.  “How could he say something like that?”  But think about it from the stand-point of adding attention to the game.  Something like that would add so much more coverage to the sport, which in turn will lead to more viewers and more fans.  people who are not even golf fans are going to be curious about that.  Hell, they may even tune into the tournament just to see if something else erupts!

I used Tiger and Sergio as examples.  But in reality, it could be anyone on the tour really, however it would only help if at least one of the brawlers was a bigger name on the tour.  The younger generation of sports fans has fewer and fewer golf fans within.  Younger fans look to more physical, fast-paced sports.  And with the rising popularity of extreme sports or X-Games type sports in recent years, several sports are either losing fans or gaining them at a slower rate.  But none more than golf.  So something new needs to happen.

More attention needs to be drawn to the sport, and not only during majors.  I’m sure many people will think that a brawl will just be a black eye on the sport, and maybe it will…temporarily.   But like a brawl in any other sport, it will blow over in a pretty short-period of time.  Afterward, it will just be remembered something like “Hey, do you remember that time when (insert golfer here) and (insert other golfer here) went at in during their round?  That was awesome.”  Well, as long as the fight is a good one and doesn’t look something like this:

Because if it does look anything like that, then the sport is about to lose several more potential fans and gain a whole mess of hecklers.  Talk about a black eye…

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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