ball retriever Archives • GolfStinks

tennis shoe crowd — The stereotypical Tennis Shoe Crowd golfer (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

There are many different characters you have the opportunity to meet when you play golf at a public course, but perhaps none are more interesting than those we refer to as “The Tennis Shoe Crowd” (see link for definition and photo at left for visual).

Recently, I wrote about how I haven’t played a round of golf yet this year. As I was penning that post, the thought occurred to me that I, myself, might be joining the ranks of The Tennis Shoe Crowd for sheer lack of playing time! But fortunately, this past weekend (my first round of the season) I was reminded that it takes much more to join this special group than just golfing infrequently.

That being said, don’t let this affliction catch you off guard…Instead, be on the lookout for the following 5 symptoms – any one of them could be a sign you’re on your way to joining that misguided bunch affectionately known as The Tennis Shoe Crowd:

#1: You’re wearing tennis shoes or sneakers instead of golf shoes on the course (and other non-golf attire). While waiting in the course parking lot for my golf buddy to arrive this past weekend, I snapped the picture above. This guy is immediately recognizable as a member of The Tennis Shoe Crowd. The first obvious sign is he’s wearing tennis shoes instead of golf shoes. But there are other obvious signs too: He’s not only not wearing a collared shirt*, but it’s a sleeveless shirt! And jean shorts? I love the keys hanging off his belt too. This guy is wearing what he would wear any-other weekend when he’s not on the course – which is fine, but in doing so, it makes him our poster boy for The Tennis Shoe Crowd.

#2: You’re golfing frequency slows to once or twice a year. While I don’t anticipate golfing only once this season, it’s a possibility. But it takes more than just one year of playing once or twice. In general, members of The Tennis Shoe Crowd golf once or twice every year. Sometimes they even skip a year or two altogether. If it’s been a few years and you’ve only played a couple times, consider selling your clubs and golfing attire; purchasing used clubs at a garage sale (see #3 below) and adopting The Tennis Shoe Crowd way of golfing.

#3: Your clubs (and balls) are at least a decade old. Did you have to remember where your clubs were before playing the last time? Is your golf bag a hodge-podge collection of clubs from different golf sets? Are you carrying range balls in your bag with the intent of playing them? While having old, mix-matched clubs and balls doesn’t make you a Tennis Shoe Crowd member in and of itself, it could be a sign you’re eligible for membership. Now, there’s nothing wrong with garage sale clubs, but keep in mind it does make you appear Tennis Shoe Crowd-ish.

#4: The rules and golf etiquette are lost on you. Did the ranger (or your playing partner) have to tell you to not leave your golf bag on the green while putting? Are you using your ball-retriever to retrieve balls that aren’t yours? Actually, having a ball-retriever in the first place could be a sign. If you’re aimlessly wandering through the round hitting the wrong ball; stepping in someone else’s line; and holding up 6 foursomes behind you, chances are you don’t play too often (see #2 above). And meeting two of the criteria on this list is a pretty good sign you’re a full-fledged member of The Tennis Shoe Crowd.

#5: You take more care securing the cooler of beer to the cart than you do your clubs. In other words, if your clubs fall off the back of the cart, it’s not as big of a problem for you than if the cooler fell out. Even if you don’t meet any of the other criteria on this list but insist on getting wasted to enjoy golf, you’re probably in denial of being a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd.

So be warned! If you or someone you know meets any of the criteria above, it could be a sign of membership in The Tennis Shoe Crowd. And if you are either paired up with, or are set to play behind someone that is dressed similar to the guy in the photo above who also happens to be in a cart with a cooler of beer strapped to it – go home and play another day. Trust me – mowing your lawn will be far preferable to 18 (or even 9) behind that guy.

*Should note the course “waived” their collared shirt rule for both the gentleman pictured and his collarless companion – times must be tough in the golf industry indeed.

Ever have one of those days on the golf course?

I started playing golf at the age of 14. In the ensuing 20+ years, I (like many) have developed the ability to accurately gauge golfers just by looking at them.

Now don’t get me wrong – you can’t always judge a book by its cover, but any of the signs below usually mean I’m in for a long (and somewhat interesting) afternoon on the links – and all this can be ascertained BEFORE you actually tee-off on the first hole. Let’s take a look at some easy observations:

1. They carry a ball retriever
There it is, sticking out of the golf bag like a sore thumb. Whether it’s used to fish-out their own errant shot or the errant shot of somebody else, it’s going to come out of the bag and the rest of us are going to have to wait. “But I can get it, I see it right there…” This is golf, not fishing…drop a ball and move on.

2. They’re bringing more than one ball up to the tee
You know these people – they will load their pockets with golf balls before stepping up to each tee, figuring they will probably take at least one (maybe two or three) Mulligans. You know, it’s a good mental strategy to leave the extra ball in your bag. Oh well, hopefully they’re only playing nine.

3. They’re a member of the “Tennis Shoe Crowd”
They say you have to have patience to play golf. I think it’s for when you are paired with a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd. Usually sporting a wife-beater, cut-offs and tennis shoes – these people play golf once, maybe twice in a decade. If you get paired with them, I guess it’s your lucky day!

4. There’s beer in the cart basket
This could be trouble – especially if it’s a cooler full of beer…double-trouble if there’s 5 or 6 cans already empty. Don’t get me wrong, I love beer. But the cart isn’t a portable keg and the ensuing lawsuits stemming from a golf cart packed with alcohol are endless…

5. They’ve got golf gloves on both hands
Tom, our co-founder here at Golfstinks, wears two gloves constantly on the course – even to putt (see figure 1). Tom’s a great guy and we’ve been friends for years, but I just don’t get the two gloves thing – it’s just strange…and typically so is anyone else you may encounter wearing two golf gloves. On a side note, Tom also carried a ball retriever in his bag until a few years ago…

6. They’re playing range balls
This should be an obvious tip-off you’re in for an interesting round…and was actually witnessed by me on the first-tee one time (hard not to notice the double stripes painted on the ball). Sometimes you just have to shake your head in amazement.

7. If duct tape is holding any of their club-heads on
Another obvious sign of trouble. Stinky Golfer Pete has witnessed this first-hand. In fear for his life, he literally hid behind the cart every time the person tee-off.

8. If they take more than 3 practice swings
There’s no reason for this at all – that’s why there’s a driving range. One or two swings is common. Three swings is pushing it. More than three? Settle in – it’s going to be a long day.

9. If they’re bragging about how good they are
This makes me stop in my tracks – I’m almost hesitant to shake the guy’s hand. We haven’t even teed-off and he’s already letting the rest of us know about the 78 he shot last time out. Inevitably, this person will double-bogey the first hole and then proceed to hack-up the rest of the course (reminding us the whole time by constantly saying: “I’m really off my game today”).

And finally…
10. They’re teaching another member of the foursome how to grip a club
If you see this (or see them teaching someone how to swing, stand, put the tee in the ground, etc.), you seriously need to reconsider how much you really want to play that day.

So the next time you’re paired-up with someone, be observant and prepare mentally. And if you know of any other pre-round signs out there – help us all out by leaving a comment.

5 Signs You’re in the “Tennis Shoe Crowd”

10 Surefire Signs You’re in for a Long Afternoon on the Golf Course

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