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Golf For The Ages

January 19, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

Are old guys slowing you down on the golf course? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I guess there’s a lot to learn from our elder golfers. A couple times I was getting ready to tee off with a buddy when all of a sudden the inevitable happens…an old guy wants to join us. WTF! This guy is going to slow us down…or is he?

You know, some of the best stories, tips (who needs those, right?) and golf sayings I’ve ever heard came from the senior crew. It must be a stereotype derived from that old couple on “Caddyshack” that has branded the notion that every old golfer is slow. As with age comes wisdom and so does wit…here’s a good one for you guys:

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Respect your elders…

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: elderly, senior, seniors

Golf…Can’t Live With It, Can’t Live Without It.

January 14, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

Why is this game so complicated? In order to answer that question we need to take a look back at its roots. We need to understand the foundation it was raised on.

So, when you combine something like single-malt scotches, bagpipes and skirts…excuse me…kilts, there’s your answer…just kidding! But I have an inkling that the scotch was fundamental in creating golf.

The complexity of this game always amazes me. You can run yourself ragged one day on the course and the next day it’s a walk in the park. I guess all those sayings golfers have are true. Here’s a few of my favorites:

  • The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
  • I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
  • Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
  • Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
  • You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
  • Golf can drive me nuts and bring me joy at the same time and I guess it’s this love-hate relationship that keeps me coming back.

    Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! When’s this snow gonna melt…?

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: golf history, golf sayings, golf stinks, golfstinks, humor, scotch

    No Such Thing As Bad Press

    January 7, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

    As I watch the snow fall outside and gripe about shoveling, I received an interesting news feed – It looks as if Mr. Woods has lost another endorsement; This one coming from Golf Digest. CNBC reported:

    NEW YORK – Tiger Woods will no longer be writing a monthly column for Golf Digest, ending a long standing sponsorship that adds to a growing pile of dropped endorsements for the golfer. “We have decided it’s now time for a break,” Woods said in a joint statement with Golf Digest on Thursday. The decision comes on the heels of Procter & Gamble Co’s Gillette brand not renewing its contract with Woods at the end of December.

    Accenture, AT&T Inc, PepsiCo Inc Gatorade have all ended sponsor deals with the golfer. Electronic Arts, however, announced this week it was planning to release a “Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12″ video game”

    How ’bout them apples? At least he’s got a video game going for him…oh…and his billion dollar net worth according to Forbes.com. And all that hoopla about his ex taking him for half is pretty much B.S. Rumor has it that The-Golfer-Formerly-Known-As-Eldrick has short arms and deep pockets*.

    Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Now where’s my snowsuit…?

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: EA Sports, forbes, golf stinks, golfstinks, tiger woods

    Kids These Days…

    December 29, 2010 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

    Little snot nose brats make me laugh, but their parents who let them get away with it are even better. I was at a local golf shop putzing around recently and stumbled across a young kid and his mother. This little punk’s snappy attitude towards his mother made me want to slap him…but, not my kid, not my job.

    Apparently the young’un wanted to take-up golf and was looking for a set of clubs. So, the sales person had him hitting balls to warm up. It was obvious the kid had never really played and after a few swings the salesperson suggested a starter set and went to grabs a few clubs from it. This spoiled kid takes one look at the clubs asks how much they cost and tells his mother “I can’t play with those pieces of junk! I want the Nike’s…”

    The salesperson calmly explained to the mother that the Nike’s cost a lot more…about $600 more. And to start with those clubs, especially if the kid might not end up playing a whole lot, doesn’t really make sense. He could have easily pushed those clubs on them and made his commission, but he did what he should have done and (from what I saw) advised them properly.

    The kid persisted that the starter set was not for him. So, the sales person (who looked like he had been through this before) tells the kid that they’re going to run a few tests to see what would be best. He took a 7 iron from both the starter and Nike set and tapes the bottom and back of the head (so you couldn’t really see which was which). He had the kid swing both and then asked him which one felt better. Just as suspected, the kid had no clue.

    Now that the point had been proven, the kid started making a big stink and demanded he get the Nike set. He said something along the lines of “I will never speak to you again and you don’t love me…blah blah blah…if I don’t get these Nike clubs.” Are you f#$@ing kidding me?!?! If I ever spoke like that to my parents as a kid, it would have been knuckle sandwiches for dinner (maybe not that bad but not that far off either). That’s when I left the area, I couldn’t deal with this kid anymore. And if I stayed any longer I probably would have thrown my 2 cents in…

    I’ll tel ya’…the lack of respect these days is heart breaking. And then you wonder why the course is littered with morons acting like they’re Jack Nicklaus but playing like a bunch of Jack Asses.

    Hit’em long, yell FORE!! Respect your parents…

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: golf, golf stinks, golfstinks, jack nicklaus, Nike, Nike Golf

    Merry Christmas!!

    December 24, 2010 | By Pete Girotto | 2 Comments

    Twas the day before christmas, when all through golfstinks, not a stinky golfer was stirring on the course or the links

    The clubs rest in their bag all clean and nice, in hopes that Jack Nicklaus would give some advice

    The four stinky golfers nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of zero handicaps danced in their heads

    And Tom in his onesie with feety’s and a cap, had just settled in for his quick disco nap

    With an old persimmons driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a minute it must be Jack Nick

    More rapid than eagles his courses he did claim, and he whistled and shouted…dude, this guy had game

    Now Greg, now Chris, now Tom, now Pete…You have a long way to go before me you can beat

    I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight…Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: golf stinks, golfstinks, happy holidays, jack nicklaus, merry christmas

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