I remember we were up in Saratoga, NY one summer hacking our way through a local track (golf, not horse). We had purchased some cigars downtown that day and while I don’t recall the name, I do recall they tasted like candy (vanilla- tipped, I believe). I had to toss mine out after only a few minutes…the sugar made my mouth water so much, it turned the tip into mush. I remember thinking that if I took a swing with it in my mouth, it would have probably flown out and branded Stinky Golfer Pete on the forehead.
Nevertheless, I’m seeing more and more cigars on the course these days. Why is that I wonder? Are cigars and golf really meant for each other? It often seems the two are inseparable. One time, Stinky Golfer Chris pulled out a cigar tee – that’s right, a piece of plastic he stuck in the ground next to his wooden ball tee. The wooden tee, of course, supported his ball and this piece of plastic supported Mr. Cigar. Anyway, as I watched Chris tee-off that day, I began to realize that cigars are as much a part of the game as fuzzy animal club-head covers.
Let’s face it, you can buy cigars in almost every 19th hole and in most upscale clubhouses. Why, even the MOFOBETE has a “We Card” sticker on the side of her snack bin. You may know Cigar Aficionado, the magazine for cigar smokers, used to sponsor the Montecrisco Cup (a pro-am golf event that was held in Puerto Rico) and currently has a page dedicated to golf on its website. On top of that, there’s an actual Stogies & Bogies golf tournament located in the Chicago area.
So, it seems golf and cigars tied-the-knot some years ago. But, how did this marriage of bogies and stogies begin?
I guess I could attempt to find some evidence that points to a reason for this union, but many facts are obvious. For example, I surmise it’s partly because cigars project a sophistication of sorts – young players see older “executive types” cigaring-it-up while schmoozing with other VP’s on the course. Heck, the game of golf itself has rather hoity-toity undertones (after all, it’s a gentleman’s game); why not complete the look with a nice Macanudo hanging from your jaw?
But, before we transform ourselves into big, pompous gentlemen, there’s also the “mosquito theory.” We’ve all heard that one: light a cigar on the course to keep the bugs away. I’d say this is the number one excuse hackers like myself give for lighting up. But, does it really work? Some say yes, while others claim it’s just an excuse they give their significant other to help explain-away the ashtray mouth. As for me, the jury’s still out…although, the last time I lit up on the course, the bugs disappeared (hear that, Honey)?
Other examples include those that say cigars help you relax before a round or a shot. And still others say it gives you something to enjoy while fishing your ball out of a creek. Whatever the reason, a percentage of golfers smoke cigars on the course, while others think: “Should I light one up too? I know I don’t smoke cigars anywhere else, but it seems the golf course is the place to do it.”
And that’s the funny thing; many people are cigar smokers only while golfing! It’s like those people who smoke cigarettes only while drinking. To me, this solidifies the notion that cigar smoking is somehow part of the game: Rule 26-1: If a ball is in or is lost in a water hazard, promptly light up a stogie as near as possible to the original position of the ball. I had to check my rulebook to make sure the previous statement was NOT in there!
In any event, I guess smoking a cigar while on the course is to toast the game of golf. For example, fathers pass out cigars for the birth of their baby; or you may light one as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve…in either case, you’re celebrating. With golf, people celebrate being one with nature, the time with friends, the birdie on 6 or the quadruple on 12. Bottom line, golf is just one of those games that makes you want to celebrate…the optional cancer stick is up to you.
Don’t forget about the poster boy for cigars and golf — “The Mechanic,” Miguel Angel Jimenez. Maybe he has as much to do with it as anybody.
I like to smoke a cigar when I play golf, but it is truly a herculean task! Think about it. If you remembered to bring one from home, great. (Of course, don’t store it in your golf bag, or the wrapper leaf will surely break.) If you are a dumbass like me, you forget and have to buy one at the bar or pro shop at an ridiculous price, about $30 here in Boulder.
Then, you get to the first tee, and realize you have no cutter, so you bite off the end. Next obstacle is getting it lit in the wind, since all you have is the book of matches the bar maid pulled from her blouse.
So… now that it is lit, go ahead and enjoy a few puffs. (Read on, that’s about all you are going to get for your 30 somolians.) It is your turn to tee off, but what are you to do with the lit cigar? I guess you could lay it in the grass and pick it up and get a mouthful of fertilizer and clippings. Best just rest it on the side of the golfcart. Dizzy from the smoke, you promptly slice your ball into the woods or worst. You curse, stamp your feet, and throw your Big Bertha almost to the ladies tee. You floor the accelerator of the cart, which still only putters along, but it is fast enough to make your Macanudo roll off onto the turf. Crap. And, don’t forget, cigars are not like pitching wedges or putters. The next foursome will not ferry it up to you on the next tee, or leave it with the starter. What to do?
Visit http://www.golfersstogies.com and get a free sample of a Golfer’s Stogie. This is an electronic cigar, just like a vape pen except there is no flame, no carcinogens, no odor, and no cutting or lighting, and no reason you can’t just put it in your pocket until you calm down and there is a pause in the action. It is expensive. About $30 for a disposable, but it lasts about as long as five real cigars. Try one for free at http://www.golfersstogies.com and you will be hooked. People can’t put them down, using them at work, in the car, in some bars and restaurants, and even in bed after “you know…”. Never again will you hear, “Dang it your clothes stink!” or “You will get lip, mouth or skin cancer and die!!!” (When Momma’s pissed, everyone suffers.) While there may be no long ashes (although the tip does glow when you pull) you are safely beyond the long arm of the pleasure police. Why not try a free sample?