GolfStinks

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These Raisins Put it Down the Middle Every Time…

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I have a new favorite commercial. You have to hand it to Heineken; despite not being a particular fan of their product (I’m more of a Belgian beer guy), they have some great advertisements.

The most recent series of ads (featuring a couple of guys in their 30’s who win the lotto and move to a retirement community in Florida to live the “easy life”) are, in my opinion, the best commercials out there now (I will literally stop fast-forwarding the DVR and rewind to the beginning of the spot so I can watch the full 30 seconds).

The latest in the ad series has the guys on the golf course, teeing-off with their new retiree pals. The opening line: “Wanna learn how to play golf? Play with old guys. These raisins put it down the middle every time” is not as much a slam on old guys as it is showing them respect. Mr. 30-something explains that since one of his new geriatric buddies (a former WWII sniper) slowed down his swing, he’s adjusted to a “more mature game.”

He effortlessly smacks one down the fairway. Another retiree uses his range-finder to gauge the distance – he enthusiastically announces, “156!” It’s at this point when I begin chuckling uncontrollably – much to the chagrin of my wife, who is next to me on the couch. “I don’t get it.” she says. I try to explain how older-types hit it short but straight and how that usually bests the younger guns, who typically spray it like they’re dousing the rough with DDT (of course, I first have to explain to her that 156 yards is not very far for a tee-shot).

Being a non-golfer, my wife still finds it humorless. But this is what I love about that commercial – it’s not just an ad that features golf, but an ad geared toward golfers – anyone who doesn’t play doesn’t get it.

I’ve posted previously about my great uncle (coincidentally, also a WWII vet) who would usually beat me despite my ability to out-drive him by 60 yards or more. No matter how addicted we are to distance, a slower swing usually results in more consistent scores.

So here’s to all the golfers out there with senior-flex shafts and a more “mature” game – I’ll meet you on the green…right after I walk through poison ivy, shank one off a tree trunk and check myself for ticks.

What’s Ailing Ya?

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In any activity that requires some sort of physical output, also lies a risk of injury. It just so happens that golf falls into this type of activity.

After doing some searching, I found the most common injuries in golf* and was surprised by some on the list. Actually, I’ve never even heard of some…please excuse my ignorance.

1. Back Pain (this, I understand)

2. Tennis…ahem…Golfer’s Elbow

3. Shoulder Pain

4. Carpal Tunnel

5. DeQuervain’s Tendinitis – pain in the wrist near the base of the thumb caused by an inflammation in the tendons that control the thumb.

6. Knee Pain

7. Trigger Finger – caused when the flexor tendon sheath, through which the finger tendons run, is inhibited.

8. Wrist Impaction Syndrome – caused when the bones of the wrist bang into one another due to excess or repetitive movements. Ah ha! I know this one…you can get it other ways too…

9. ECU Tendon Sublaxation – caused when the sheath holding the wrist tendon begins sliding in and out of its groove.

10. Fracture of Hamate Bone – a small bone on the pinky side of the wrist. Don’t worry Cooter, this has no affect on your bright shiny future of Ham Bonin’.

Now, this also had me thinking about some of the strangest injuries I have experienced or witnessed in the past twelve or so years on the course. It never ceases to amaze me how some of these actually occur. For example, I was walking towards the green from the fairway and in an effort to go over the the rope barrier (signifying where carts are not allowed), I trip. Here’s the kicker, somehow the wedge I had in my hand swings up and connects with my ear. Yeah, not too pleasant…WTF!

One of my favorites was when a buddy of mine couldn’t get his P wedge to work for the life of him. Either he would flub 3 or 4 chips in a row or skull the crap out of a ball and send it fifty yards over the green. By the 8th or 9th hole, he had enough (if you looked hard enough, you could see steam was coming out of his ears). In a fit of rage, he swung his club baseball style connecting with the rear post of the cart (that supports the roof) bending the wedge in half and with some ridiculous wrap around action, the head comes back to hit him square in the elbow. I still laugh about it.

Hit’em long…Yell FORE!! (oh, and be safe).

* Dr. Larry Foster – “Dr. Divot’s Guide to Golf Injuries”

A Golf Mecca In The Sunshine State.

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Whenever someone mentions Orlando Florida, I’m sure a certain fictional group of cartoon animals may come to mind. Don’t get me wrong, with all due respect to Mickey & Co., they’re not the only show in town. Orlando boasts some serious golf too! Shoot on over to a great site for Orlando golf courses and see for yourself at orlandogolf.com.

Rumor has it that a golf legend can be seen regularly teeing-it-up at his Orlando based Bay Hill Club and Lodge. Still not sure who it is? I’m pretty sure you’ll recognize the name: Arnold Palmer. Now, you might be thinking that Mr. Palmer’s tour level course could be too much too handle. Don’t worry, the David Leadbetter Golf Academy world headquarters is just a hop, skip, jump and short car ride away. So get your golf game on!
“Well, I don’t really have $200 to spend on a round.” Not a problem, on the site, you can search for multiple Orlando tee times and check out bunches of great courses that fit all budgets! That’s what I’m talking about; great courses without exorbitant greens fees. And who would have thought that Greg Norman, Tom Fazio and the “U.S. Open Doctor” Rees Jones (to name a few) all contributed to these courses?
So, if you’re sitting there looking for a nice golf getaway, check out the site’s Orlando golf packages and special deals. Come on, you deserve a little R&R – oh and winter is right around the corner too! Hit’em straight!

Useful Excuses to Get Out and Golf

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A couple of people I know seem to have a tough time with their significant other when it comes to playing golf. I don’t know if there is a jealousy, separational anxiety or trust issue that prevents them from golfing but for whatever reason, their partner doesn’t approve.

I’m sure we’ve all heard it before; If you have time to golf, you have time to _________. You can fill in the blank with any non-golf related activity. I’m starting to think there is a secret anti-golf organization that strives to deter us from playing.

The title says “Useful Excuses”, sorry about the mix-up. I meant to say an orally communicated fictional rendition of what will transpire. Basically, a good ol’ fashion lie. Oh please, like you never done that before. If elected officials do it, so can I. I pay my taxes. Moving on, here’s a little list of some creative and personal favorite tales to improve the chance of making that tee-time. Just fill in the blanks with names or places.

1. Hey Honey, you know ______ is really going through a tough time with/at ______. I think this Saturday morning ______ will really appreciate if we hang out for a while. Maybe go to lunch too. You know, to get his/her mind off _____.
* This is a common one but classic nonetheless. Some set-up could be required depending on how gullible your other half is. i.e. A phone call a day or two before the round, from the above mentioned person in distress, to lay the phoney baloney foundation for you to build on.

2. Wow! Check this out, _______ is really sucking on the tour this year. If I get out there and practice there’s a chance I could qualify and make some big money. You know, to pay off the bills and finally get you that ______ you always wanted. You deserve it…
* Timing and delivery is crucial with this one, as well as, a huge set of brass balls. Pull this off and we’re talking B.S.’er Hall of Fame material.

3. You know that whole global initiative to go green? Turns out _____ and _____ from work have put together this nature walk on Saturday morning. The big boss is going to be there and I think this will be a great opportunity for me to impress him/her. You know, really ace it.
* Technically, a round of golf requires some walking in natural environments therefore possibly making this fable non-fiction. There, I feel better already.

You get the idea. Use these or get the creative juices flowing and develop your own. Whatever it takes, we need to stick together and help each other to do what we love – hack up the course.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

A Thank You to Golf Stinks’ Fans & Readers

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You may have noticed we have a new promo running over at the right-hand side of the page. Back at the beginning of June, Stinky Golfer Greg wrote a post about the Golf Genie pocket guide where he stated, “Golf Genie has found permanent residence in my golf bag.”

From easy-to-digest tips on straightening-out your slice or hook, to simple diagrams that help you get back to the basics for your grip or swing, the Golf Genie pocket guide is an invaluable on-course tool for both golf beginners and veterans alike.

Now, Golfstinks has partnered with Golf Genie to help give back to our fans and readers – We’re giving away 5 Golf Genie pocket guides a week for the next 10 weeks! The Golf Genie pocket guide retails for $15, but 50 lucky winners will get to own the best golf swing and shot-making guide on the market for free!

So, how do fans of Golfstinks get a chance to win one? Easy: Simply “Like” our Facebook page and that’s it! Be sure to revisit our FB page every week because we’ll be announcing 5 random winners weekly from now till the middle of October!

We appreciate all the support you’ve given us during the first year of our blog, so consider this just a little thank you from us. Good luck and enjoy!

-The Golfstinks Team

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