Greg D'Andrea

Tee Area, Not a Pee Area

March 19, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

GolfStinks’ co-founder Tom (NOT pictured above) has always wanted to invent a portable toilet – particularly for a car, but he’s had thoughts of applying his idea to golf carts too (after all, the golf course is a good place for a portable toilet).

General male thinking on the golf course typically goes as follows: “I have to pee and I’m outdoors already – perfect!” Most guys will wander over to the edge of the tree line and water the foliage.

The tastefulness of this act depends upon who’s present at the time. For example, if it’s a foursome of male friends, no one would probably think twice about someone relieving themselves on the side of the tee-box. However, someone who’s latched-on with an unfamiliar threesome would probably wait until the turn to hit the head.

But some courses (as you can see from the photo above) want to crack-down on golf course peeing. It’s interesting the course chose that particular place to put the sign – perhaps it was getting mushy on that spot or more likely (and potentially far worse), perhaps the location isn’t as concealed as it appears!

At the moment I snapped that photo, my golf buddy (who shall remain nameless) was obviously in complete violation of the local ruling. Perhaps he should have used the device in the video below instead?

“I really have to go, but there’s a ‘no pee’ sign over there. I guess I’ll have to get out my UroClub. Ok, let me unscrew it…crap, it’s still wet from last time. Hang on, let me get this towel thingy situated over my general groin area…crap, now I can’t see what I’m doing…crap, it’s going everywhere…ah the hell with it – I’m going over to that tree – screw that sign!”

Yeah, I fail to see how that would be any better.

Look, my advice is if you’ve gotta go on the course, choose your spot wisely…and watch out for ticks…

What About Caddies?

March 12, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

Template wLOGO — (*Photo by Greg D’Andrea*)

Back at the start of the winter, I was putting with my 3-year-old son on the practice mat behind our living room couch. I wasn’t giving him serious lessons or anything (not that I’m qualified to do so anyway) – I was just trying to focus him on the basic putting stroke. And I certainly didn’t mention anything about caddies. Yet at one point when it was his turn to hit, he grabbed his toddler-sized putter and said to me: “The club boy brought me another club.”

Club boy? Who’s the club boy? “The boy that gives us our clubs” was his answer. This surprised me since he knows nothing about golf caddies (he’s never even watched the pro tour on TV). And while he was probably just saying silly things that 3-year-olds say, I wondered if there could be more to this.

Here we have someone at the very beginning of his introduction to the game of golf…yet already he seems to consider that part of this game should include someone that hands you clubs. This leads me to the following question: Are caddies meant to be part of this game?

If the pro tours are any example, the answer is yes. Everyone has a caddie on tour. And the USGA rules allow for a caddie too – and in fact define “caddie” as “one who assists the player.” In addition, caddies have been part of golf for quite a while: One source even says “Mary, Queen of Scots, came up with the term ‘caddie’ in the late 16th century.”

So if it’s true that caddies are meant to be part of golf, then it stands to reason we’re handicapping ourselves when we don’t use one – right? It’s just another reason to site the popular GolfStinks PAF rule.

Of course, we average golfers don’t have access to caddies because most courses realized years ago that it would be cheaper to provide us with motorized golf carts instead. As fun as it is to drink and drive in those golf go-karts, they hardly replace the original. Sure – having a GPS in the cart will tell you how far you have to the pin, but where is the advice on how the putt breaks? Or the club recommendation? And perhaps most importantly, the moral support?

I say golf courses should consider bringing back an option to have a real caddie. I bet there are plenty of teens and retirees that would work for just tips – I’d be willing to pay more per round to have a caddie at my side – even if it was just once in a while.

Am I way off base here? Am I simplifying it too much? Why should the pros have all the fun?

ColdFusion Gives Reason to Freeze Your Balls

March 5, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

This winter has been unreal. Here in the northeastern part of the U.S., we’ve been hit with snow storm after snow storm. Even now in early March, the temps are still frigid and the snow is still on the ground. So I guess it shouldn’t surprise you that my balls are freezing.

Literally.

Of course, I’m talking about my golf balls. A few years ago, I actually wrote about why it’s not a good idea to put your golf balls in the freezer. And for 99.9% of balls out there, that’s true – the colder it gets, the more distance you lose.

But now, a company in South Carolina has designed a golf ball that reaches its maximum performance when the temps dip below 60 degrees Fahrenheit (15.5 degrees Celsius). The ColdFusion golf ball touts:

“Golf is not always played in perfect weather. Finally, you have a golf ball that outperforms other balls in less than ideal conditions. When the temperature drops and your regular ball stops preforming, switch to ColdFusion to enhance your game.”

Fitted with a cold powered core and an elastic lonomer cover, the ColdFusion golf ball is said to “compress in extreme conditions” while still providing a “soft feel and control.” All that’s required is cold storage – yes, you read that right – you must keep the ball cold before your round and as long as it’s chilly out on the course, feel free to play your ColdFusion balls!

Now I know what some of you might be thinking: Who’s out on the course in the ice and snow? But remember, the temps only need to be below 60 degrees. I actually played two rounds this past fall with the temps below that (one in the 50s and even one in the 40s – see photo at right – boy could I have used ColdFusion that day)! In addition, there are many portions of the southern U.S. where golf is playable year-round – as long as you’re willing to brave 40- and 50-degree weather. For those locales, the ColdFusion ball is a perfect fit.

Now I have to admit, living up here in New England, I haven’t gotten a chance to test-out the balls the good folks over at ColdFusion sent me (after all, there’s still several inches of snow on the ground)! But as you can see from the photo at the top of this post, they are ready to go as soon as the snow is gone!

But that doesn’t mean someone else can’t test them out in the meantime! Two lucky fans will each win a sleeve of three ColdFusion golf balls to try for themselves! All you have to do to enter is head on over to our Facebook page and tell us why you’re deserving in the comments of the wall post “ColdFusion Golf Gives Reason to Freeze Your Balls” – that’s it! We’ll choose two random winners next week.

Good luck and stay warm…except for your balls!

5 Signs Your Private Course is now Public

February 26, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

Recently, ngf.org (National Golf Foundation) conducted research surrounding private country clubs in the U.S. – what they found is a drop in nearly 400 private courses over the past 5 years – but rather than closing their doors, the majority of these clubs are simply converting over to public facilities.

In light of this new phenomenon, it might be prudent to provide a way for private club members to recognize they no longer belong to a top-drawer establishment. Below are 5 signs your private course has recently been ~~downgraded~~ converted to a daily fee facility:

#1 – You notice the dress code is slipping a bit.
First, you realize people are wearing collared shirts from brands you’ve never heard of – like Faded Glory and Sonoma. And strangely, no one seems to tuck in anymore. As for the pants, you wonder whatever happened to that style of little whales or ducks embroidered all over them – now it seems everyone is wearing shorts…yuck. Finally, wearing an ascot around your neck or sweater across your shoulders seems to be eliciting strange looks and/or nasty glances.

#2 – Your playing partner is a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd
The fellow you’re paired up with isn’t even wearing a collared shirt! His clubs are of the yard sale variety and his shoes are more suitable for the tennis courts than the golf course. Furthermore, his course etiquette is atrocious and on nearly every hole you must help him find his ball in the woods. By the back nine, you have to take over the cart driving duties due to his inebriation from cheap domestic beer. Thankfully, he sleeps through the last 3 holes.

#3 – There are waits on the tee-boxes
For some reason, a few tees are backed-up two and three foursomes deep (especially the first tee). In these situations, it is important to remain calm (breath into a paper bag if necessary). Eventually you’ll get to tee off, but don’t be surprised if it takes several minutes. Unfortunately, waiting on the tee box is a tell-tale sign the iron gates at the entrance have been thrust open to the general public.

#4 – Your round is getting longer…a lot longer
Partly attributed to numbers 2 and 3, that speedy round you’re used to is now a thing of the past. It used to be you could finish 18 in a mere 2.5 – 3 hours if you made haste, but now 4- and even [gasp] 5-hour rounds are the norm. All this time out on the course is cutting into your after-round fraternizing in the clubhouse. But the good news is…

#5 – No one really lingers in the clubhouse anymore
Gone are the blissful days of debating the subtle performance differences between an Audi S5 and a BMW M5, while enjoying a game of Gin Rummy in your favorite smoking jacket (in fact – cigar-smoking indoors has been banned altogether). Meanwhile, the mahogany wood lockers sit unused and collecting dust, while you’ve overheard plans to convert most of the clubhouse space into a senior bingo hall on Thursday nights.

Alas, if any of these signs are recognizable at your club, there is a distinct possibility you now belong to a public facility (or ~~worse~~ even a muni). Our advice is to try to adapt as gracefully as possible. Perhaps begin by removing the ascot – hey, every little bit helps!

I Might Join the Tour This Year…Wanna Come?

February 19, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

You know, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of joining the tour. Consider the life: I’m hitting complimentary balls on the range before my round and realize it’s time to make my way to the first tee. Upon arrival at the tee box, I’m greeted by a tour official, handed my official scorecard and then…

“Now on the tee in the 10:00am pairing…from New Haven, Connecticut…Greg D’Andrea!“

And if that weren’t cool enough, there would be camera crews following me around on the course and on certain holes, I could check the leader board to see my position in the field! Afterwards, I could watch highlights of my round on my iPad as I lay in bed. And just as I’m about to fall asleep, I can dream of making a run on the leaders in following day’s final round!

How cool would that be? And the best thing of all, I wouldn’t have to change a thing with my current golf game – not my swing or my chipping or my putting. Nope…I could just take my 18 handicap, waltz onto the first tee and get announced.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you think I was talking about the PGA Tour? Heck no! I’m talking about the Hurricane Amateur Golf Tour! This year, in addition to its junior and collegiate tours, Hurricane has added an amateur golf tour that is open to men and women of all skill levels from ages 18-90! And because the amateur tour has events in 12 different states up and down the eastern United States, millions of average golfers will have a chance to compete!

The 2014 season kicks off at Grande Pines Golf Club in Orlando, FL on May 17th. From there, the tour heads to Ohio, Tennessee, Alabama, North Carolina, New Jersey, Virgina, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Maryland, New York, South Carolina and Georgia. See the complete 2014 tour schedule (at what appear to be all fantastic courses) here.

Each tournament is two rounds over two days (Saturday and Sunday) and not only features all the stuff I mentioned above (including camera crews following you around and posting highlights to YouTube immediately after your round), but it also includes a tournament dinner with a raffle and prizes and several additional activities to boot! There’s even a National Tour Championship in Florida at the end of the season! Check out all the tour amenities: The Hurricane Difference.

OK, so what does it cost to have a tournament experience like a pro? To join the Hurricane Amateur Golf Tour is 25 bucks (USD). That grants you access to participate is as many of the 20+ tournaments that you want. Then, you pay a per-tournament entry fee (between $220 and $365 depending on the event, but it appears most are in the $250-$275 range). Guys like me might play one or two local events (say in New York or Jersey), but retired folks (or those with extra time and money on their hands) might want to hit every event on the schedule – what a great way to spend half the year!

Tour stops in my area are in the fall – so stay tuned – if I play, I’ll blog about it! In the meantime, I encourage you to check out this tour for yourself.

Tee Area, Not a Pee Area

What About Caddies?

ColdFusion Gives Reason to Freeze Your Balls

5 Signs Your Private Course is now Public

I Might Join the Tour This Year…Wanna Come?

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