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Does Augusta Think Girls Have Cooties?

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When I was a kid our families would get together at our grandmother’s house every Sunday. Coming from a large Italian family, this was a good way for all the aunts, uncles and cousins to see each other. Just like clockwork the older members would sit around the kitchen table drinking espresso and pick at some sort of cake or pie while the cousins would go off and play. And just like clockwork, the boys would either make some sort of a make-shift fort in the backyard or occupy a back room and then implement a “no girls allowed” policy.

This story reminds me of Augusta National Golf Club. A male-only golf club since opening in 1933. Here’s the kicker; a woman can play Augusta only if she is invited by a member but can’t become a member. What’s so secretive that only 300 or so “invited” male members are privy to? Well, well, well Augusta…the day of reckoning has come.

In the past, IBM’s CEOs were normally given memberships to the club (Note: IBM sponsors the tourney). But what if IBM’s CEO is female? Uh-oh! Enter Virginia Rometty. IBM’S new CEO and guess what? She’s a women. Sounds like Augusta is in a little bit of a pickle. Not to mention, Obama and Romney (in a rare instance) both agreed they should allow female members. Yikes, talk about pressure.

I’m pretty sure if women really wanted to be granted membership at Augusta they could get it. Females are damn good at persuasion. How often does a woman buy a man an engagement ring? There you go. I’ll bet if women used a bit of third grade reverse psychology it might work. You know, “We don’t want to be in your stupid club anyway…it smells. We’re starting our own.” The boys laugh it off and tell the girls to go start their own club but in the back of their minds they really want to know what the girl club is doing. Then the boys notice “Hey, they have sandwiches and cake. We don’t have sandwiches and cake.”

I like sandwiches and cake.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Related posts: Male-Only Golf Clubs: Sexist Bastards or Constitutional Right?

What if the PGA Tour Went Extinct?

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golfstinksRemember the old philosophical question: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, would it make a sound? Well ponder this: If the PGA Tour were to disappear tomorrow, would anyone really care?

A couple years ago, I wrote about the economics of golf, and how the pro tours only contribute a measly 1% to golf’s total economic impact.

So from a financial standpoint, the PGA Tour could dissolve overnight without much monetary backlash to the golf industry. The golf equipment and apparel machine would still be cranking-out merchandise to supply millions of weekend hacks throughout the world.

But for how long? With the tour defunct, wouldn’t the average golfer begin to dwindle in numbers? Well, I guess that depends on how popular the tour is with the golfing masses to begin with. For example, a decade ago I would have been laughed at for even suggesting a post like this one – after all, the hero on tour was one of the most recognizable athletes in all of sports.

Ah, but today he’s barley the shell of his former self and as a result, the PGA Tour has taken one giant leap back into obscurity. Perhaps more detrimental is that no one has taken his place. Want proof? Turn on ESPN any given Sunday an you’ll see them lead the golf segment talking about Tiger‘s third-place finish, rather than the poor schlep who actually took home the trophy.

With no face to the organization and television ratings that are basically nonexistent, it makes you wonder if it’s all worth the effort? Rolling into a new city every week and setting up shop on some corporate sponsor’s dime (could have donated that money to build a new cancer wing at the local hospital or something); trotting out a B-list of tour pros to go through the motions in front of a sparse gallery of spectators; turning on the HD cameras that broadcast to an equally paltry television audience. One has to ask themselves: Does the ends justify the means?

Sure, if the PGA Tour were no longer, some diehard fans would be disappointed (not to mention some of our fellow golf bloggers) and local establishments near tour stops would miss the boost in sales. But the top pros would head over to the European Tour (which would subsequently be broadcast more frequently here in the U.S.) and golf life for you and me would pretty much remain unchanged.

Not many golfers I know are quitting because they stink – no sir, we just keep on playing no matter what the game throws at us. And perhaps that’s the most fundamental point – We don’t play this game because the PGA Tour is so great, we play it because golf is great (if anything, watching the scratch players gives us more of a complex).

So, what if the PGA Tour went extinct? As long as the European Tour added a stop at The Masters, I’d be happy. So perhaps I should re-phrase my question: If the PGA Tour went extinct, so what?

Why I’m Happy Tiger Didn’t Win The Masters

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Before anyone gets the wrong idea about the title of this post, I’ll explain. It has nothing to do with Tiger as a person. Tiger as a person will forever be viewed as, lets say, not the nicest guy you’ve ever heard of. But that has no bearing on this particular post.

It also has nothing to do with Tiger’s ego. You know, that ego that never just comes out and says, “He played better than me.” Rather, the ego just makes excuses for why he lost. That also has no bearing on this post. Nope, it’s none of those things.

What makes me happy about it is the fact that, for a few days anyway, the younger and/or lesser known players on the tour got a good amount of attention at a major! Whether the PGA knows it or not, this is just what they needed! Tiger made his charge, but Charl Schwartzel played out of his mind down the stretch! Despite his Sunday meltdown, Rory Mcilroy was the biggest news for the first three days of the tournament. Some nice performances by Adam Scott, Jason Day, Luke Donald and a good Sunday from Justin Rose may have helped the PGA out by helping to improve its deficiency in the player recognition department.

As we here at Golfstinks have said previously, too many golf fans have no idea who some of these great players on the tour are. So to see some of them withstand the Tiger Woods charge, and play right along side him, if not better, the PGA couldn’t ask for anything more! Some of these players are the tour’s future. These players are the guys people need to know about when a tour stop comes along that Tiger doesn’t think he can win (i.e. he’s not participating).

We all know viewership drops when Tiger isn’t there. And turnout at the tour stop itself is considerably lower. But it would probably be different if these other players were promoted properly, or even half as much as Tiger. So maybe the PGA will take this opportunity and use these performance that are fresh in the minds of golf fans.

At some point, the PGA is going to have to realize that Tiger is not going to be around forever. Better yet they should realize, for one or two reasons, the landscape of golf is changing. Either Tiger is not the player he once was, or the other players have simply caught up and no longer fear him. Either way, it’s time for the PGA to take advantage.

I’m tired of having to see where Tiger finished in every update. I see that Charl Schwartzel won, but immediately after that – Tiger Woods finishes fourth (-10). What about 2nd and 3rd? What about the two guys who tied for fourth with Tiger? This is exactly what I’m talking about above. It’s time for the PGA, and the media, to jump on the bandwagon of some players other than Tiger.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Super Bowl Hype For Golf?

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So, much like 100+ million other people, I watched the Super Bowl this past Sunday. Another good game for America’s favorite sport as, once again, the big game lived up to it’s hype.

It kind of makes you wonder why the Super Bowl is as revered as it is. What does the Super Bowl have that the World Series doesn’t? Why are we all excited to tune into the Super Bowl, but not as much the NBA Finals, or the Stanley Cup Finals? And where does golf rank in this question?

Well, to get it out of the way quickly, my short answer to why the Super Bowl is so much more popular than the championships of other sports is…there’s only one championship game. The whole season and everything a team has played for, comes down to one game. That right there is part of the popularity for two different reasons.

Reason 1 – The sporting reason – There simply is no second chance. The team has one chance to win. It’s not a series. There is no game 2 (or 3,4,5,6 or 7 for that matter). You lose, you’re done. It’s exciting! What if there was no series in the World Series or NBA Finals. Would it have made Rangers-Giants or Lakers-Celtics even more exciting? My guess is yes!

Reason 2 – The entertainment/get-together reason – It’s just so much easier to gather friends and family for one game than it is for, somewhere between, four and seven games. Who gets together for the entire World Series? Maybe a game or two…and a game 7 if there is one. But unless there is a game 7, then who knows when the last game (the actual championship game) will really be? See, the logistics of it are just too tough to figure out.

Now take golf…it’s just a mess. The Maters, The PGA Championship, The Opens, The FedEx Cup, the money list, the rankings…what the hell?! Who’s #1 and why? I mean, I can see who’s ranked #1…but how did they get there? Especially if they haven’t actually won any tournaments! Drawing on stinky golfer Pete’s idea – there should be one single tournament to determine the season’s champion!

But since it seems highly unlikely that the PGA would completely rearrange its entire structure to accommodate a complaint that a couple of hacks at a place called golfstinks have made, it seems the next logical step to add some hype to the boredom of the golf season is…halftime shows!!

Look, the Super Bowl is a huge draw every year. But ever since 1993, when Michael Jackson performed, it’s obvious the NFL changed it’s perspective on halftime and has made every effort to bring in big names rather than the college band theme they had been doing previously. And the result? One could argue that a significant part of the reason some people watch the game at all is for the halftime show! I would rank it with the commercials, but they seem to fall flatter and flatter every year. (On a side note, beer commercials used to be funny. Now, they are just awful).

So what better way to draw more viewers (and fans at the gate), whether fans of golf or not, than to book a kick-ass rock group for the Friday (halftime of a golf tournament) night festivities? It’s working for the NFL, isn’t it? MLB and the NBA are beginning to work it in at their all-star games. Why not give it a shot?

OK, so I’m really reaching again. But hey…I’m just trying to help. A little music and entertainment never hurt anyone. Just one request…if anyone involved in the PGA halftime entertainment division is reading this…please don’t book the Black Eyed Peas. Was the halftime show a spectacle? Yes. But it was likely the worst music to ever make it to the Super Bowl.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Get Some Wings & Beer, The Final Round Is On!

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Why don’t more folks gather for wings and beer while watching golf? (Photo via Pixabay)

It’s Sunday afternoon and Stinky Golfer Tom and I have just finished watching the Giants blow a huge lead and lose. To that I say…YAY!!!! Tom, a typical fair-weather Giants fan, does not agree with my sentiments.

But as we’re watching the games, I start to realize it’s almost every Sunday that either I have a buddy or two over to watch the football games, or I’m invited somewhere to watch them. Sunday afternoons watching the games by myself are few and far between.

But it’s not like this for other sports. I’ll get together with some friends to watch basketball once in a while. Some of the bigger rivalry baseball games will also call for the occasional gathering. But do you know what sport my buddies and I have never gathered for? Yup, you guessed it…golf. Not the Masters. Not any of the Opens. Not the Championship. Nothing. Why? Well, for me anyway, the answer is simple…because it’s boring!

For non-golfers, it’s easy to say the sport itself is boring and that’s why they don’t play. But we golfers know differently. Once we’re out there on the course, it’s far from boring. But that doesn’t mean it’s not boring on TV. I’m sorry, but it is. Golf as a spectator sport just doesn’t satisfy my appetite for competition. Watching golf live is not bad, but on TV? It’s like gathering your friends around the backyard to watch the grass grow. But what I haven’t quite figured out is, why is it like that?

I enjoy the sport. I participate in the sport. We’re watching the best of the best on the pro tour. So why do I have no interest? Why don’t I call up the guys and say “Where are we watching the final round on Sunday?” I try to think of reasons, but I haven’t come up with many:

Firstly, there’s the commentary. It’s dull. It’s too quiet and reserved. It’s….well…boring! Now I’m not saying I want early 80’s John Madden style commentary. That’s certainly not necessary for golf. But it couldn’t hurt to spice it up a bit. Change up the tone on a great shot. I don’t want to hear words like “useful” and stuff like that. That’s just become more of a joke now. If you want to draw in a younger audience (and lets face it, the current core audience isn’t getting any younger) then you have to make the sport more exciting to watch. Livening up the commentary couldn’t hurt.

Second, and we’ve touched on this before, who the hell are these guys that we’re watching? Most of the players in these tournaments are unknowns to the casual golf fan. If I don’t have a vested interest in the players or a reason to follow them, then why would I care to watch? I’d much rather just go out and play myself!

But that’s about all I can come up with. I don’t get excited to watch a golf tournament on television, whether Tiger is playing or not. At most, I check in just to see what’s going on and who’s leading. I’ll stick around for a few shots, but not much more. Apparently, my golfing buddies all feel the same.

So if I’m a participant in the sport, and my buddies are also, but collectively we just don’t care all that much about watching it, the PGA may have a potential problem on their hands in the future. Because if that’s the situation for me and my buddies, I’m sure there are all too many more like us out there.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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