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Stinky Golfer Paradise

The articles in this category are the epitome of the GolfStinks ethos. Here's where you'll learn how to take the frustration out of your golf game!

Catching Up On Golf.

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strong antUsually, I’ll check in every so often and see what’s happening on the tour. For some reason, this year I’ve been following a little more than usual. Or so I thought. When did Tiger become ranked #1 again? So much for thinking I’ve been following golf this season.

After going back and checking his stats, this guy has really been doing well. I guess I’m used to the days when Tiger’s every move was broadcasted. I mean, this guy’s farts were even documented. Remember that? Maybe it was Steve Williams that broke wind but you get the point.

Moving on. Phil…WTF! All 37 of us left handed golfers in the world were counting on you maybe even some righties. That’s OK though, we still think you’re great! What can you do? Crap happens and I’ll take a 2nd place prize of half-a-mill any day. That’s the greatest thing about pro golf, you can come in 25th place and still walk away with some extra scratch in your pocket.

Even though 2nd place does pay out well, I’m sure this has reached “Eleanor” status for Mr. Mickelson. Come on man, don’t let that old saying about the bridesmaid crap be true. Dig deep brother and win a U.S. Open for the southpaws. You can do it! Win it for the Gipper too, if that helps.

That pressure must be ridiculous at times. I’ll give it to him though, he can definitely carry it. I’m sure a lot of people would have buckled under that weight like a one legged asthmatic ant with a bad back.

Ah ha! Now the picture makes sense, kind of.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golfing Dads…

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Can golf be as American as...
Can golf be as American as…

Once a year we take a day to thank our dads. They’re the ones, in most cases, who took us to our first ball game. They showed us how to throw a ball, swing a golf club, and spit (indirectly and more by example). Thinking back, what could be more American? Well, in my case none of this sounds familiar, except for the spitting. 🙂

The baseball and apple pie stereotype of growing up American were substituted for football (a.k.a. soccer) and sfogliatelle. See, my dad came to the U.S. in his late 20’s via a few year stay in England after leaving his home in Italy. Oddly enough this not so stereotypical upbringing is also very American. The diversity is why I love this country.

After a recent conversation with my dad, I walked away laughing. My father wants to start golfing and asked me to take him. Normally, it’s our dads who show us how to golf and swing a club. Now the roles are reversed. This should be interesting. Should I get revenge for the times he’s embarassed me as a kid? Tempting, but karma can be a mother.

Well, it’s off to the old track with the old man. Since we got the spitting down pat, I’ll start with the fundamentals…proper use of four letter words. Happy Father’s Day!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golf Rules: Who Really Cares?

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caddyshack putt

I read an interesting press release yesterday from Polara golf. You might recognize Polara as the manufacturer of drivers and golf balls that are banned on the tour. You know, those golf balls that can “correct” a slice and what-not. It’s funny because usually I never read stuff like this from any company but it had some interesting info.

In their response to the USGA/R&A’s ruling on “anchoring” clubs, Polara included some research results that I found quite amusing. A couple polls were taken and the results were just what I expected…the majority doesn’t give a crap. Let’s take a look:

In April 2013, Polara Golf commissioned a Google Consumer
Survey of 18,000 internet respondents; 1,000 of which were
golfers with a USGA handicap that were asked what
they thought of the anchoring ban. Here are the results:

35.4% – I don’t care.

25% – I agree with the proposed ban.

23% – I didn’t know there was a proposed ban.

17% – I disagree with the proposed ban.

You would think the USGA should take action and make an effort to improve these numbers. In reality, it probably wouldn’t even make a difference. Just as I had mentioned earlier, most could care less. Actually, another poll (below) shows more than 75% of golfers are out there for fun and have never even laid eyes on a rule book.

In December 2012 a Google Consumer Survey of 6,800 internet
respondents found:

* 78% of golfers play for fun and 22% play according to the USGA
rules
* 61% of respondents said they sometimes take mulligans, gimme
putts and other popular infractions such as using a “foot wedge.”
* 63% of golfers said they would consider using golf equipment
that was banned from professional play.
* 72% of golfers said they have never read the USGA Rules

There’s a trend happening here when it comes to rules. Somehow we know them but we never really read them. Take a look at how many U.S. citizens have read the constitution and laws governing our country. I’d bet the majority hasn’t. It’s just one of those things we pick up along the way from the generation before us…just like golf.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

What’s Wrong With Golf?

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golf-171208_640Well, as for golf itself…nothing. It’s the different facets of the game that pose a problem. I recently woke up to an infomercial of this guy that is supposedly the king of long driving contests. He was selling a special driver that will hammer the ball a thousand yards…maybe not a thousand but you get the idea.

What’s my beef? They’re hurting the game instead of helping it. They promote driving the ball into outer space as the most important thing. I understand they are trying to sell a product but they are also trying to appeal to golfers by saying “It’s all about driving.” Ever heard the expression “Drive for show, putt for dough”…?

Drive for show. In other words, it’s an act put on to garner attention. You got it, a show. Golfers shouldn’t be taught “You’ll be the coolest cat in the club house because you can drive 400 yards!” There should be some respect to the game and etiquette required. I guess that’s why it was an infomercial in the 3:00 a.m. slot.

As much as I stink at golf, I still honor the tradition and skill it takes to play. We may joke about it and what not but we still love it. I guess it bothers me to see people trying to make money by soliciting the wrong values and embedding ideas that stray from the truth. Just my $0.02…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Stealing From A Golf Course.

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thiefNow hold on a minute. I mean stealing ideas from a golf course. Since the cold grip of winter has loosened a bit, our agenda consists of spring cleaning and the ever so fun – yard work. Yay. Who wants to do that? Not to worry, I’ve figured out a good way to squeeze in some golf amidst all this cleaning, planting and trimming.

I call it “Landscape Design Research”! LDR for short. I think you can see where this is going. It starts during the week with some comments about how you want to do something with the yard. This almost gives you a green light to go and check out some “places” for ideas on the weekend. Boom! You’re welcome. Just make sure the significant other doesn’t want to come. That’s on you…hey, I got you this far. I can’t do all the thinking.

We’ll keep this a secret amongst our golfing community. Whenever your buddy calls up and says they’re doing some LDR or research, you know the deal. Please don’t forget to actually come back with some ideas. Failing to do so can blow your cover and be detrimental to your golf season.

So, look around and take in the surroundings. Something will turn on the upstairs light. That is unless you are playing a course groomed with a Zamboni and Cuisinart. Don’t do that. Play somewhere decent. You deserve it.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

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