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Golf Questions Answered…IV

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golfquestions4Hacks, we are back for our fourth installment (see also part 1, part 2 & part 3). You’ve been asking the tough questions and we’ve been supplying nothing but straight forward no B.S. answers…Golf Stinks style! I’m excited to get cracking on this next batch…let’s go!

Q: Why do I keep picking my head up during my swing?

A: Brosephine, you wanna see where that ball is going, no?

Q: As a beginner, what inexpensive ball do you recommend?

A: Well, I have a couple solutions:

  1. Range balls! Buy a bucket of 100 for $10-12 and pocket a bunch. When you get caught we do not accept responsibility. If we told you to jump off a bridge, would you?
  2. The ol’ give and take. You fire your tee shot into the woods and chances are 95% of the golfers before you did too. A little stroll into the woods could unveil a cache of those little buggers and they are all yours!

Q: My strength is in my short game but my long irons need help. What can I do to improve?

A: Listen here you snotty little punk braggart. My long, short and everything in between game needs help…tee off with a 9-iron wiseguy.

Q: I love my Pinseeker Lase Rangefinder but find I’m using it too much. Is technology hurting golf?

A: Wow, great question! Technology has its upside in moderation. Try this, the next time you use the rangefinder find out how far away the cart girl or MoFoBeTe is. If you get that stalkerish/peepin’ tom feeling then imagine how the pin feels, scumbag.

Q: My wife gets annoyed every time I golf and says it’s ruining our relationship because I play so much. What do I do?

A: Sometimes you need to hang it up. There are more important things in life…I’m sure she’ll get over it.

And another successful round of Q & A’s from your reliable pals at Golfstinks.com!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golf, Hacks and Apps.

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green gridThis past weekend the guys at Golfstinks.com headed out for a quick round. It was nice to have everyone together doing what we love. Although it wasn’t so nice for the course to have four hacks making a chopped salad out of the rough and fairway…and green…sorry about that. Nonetheless, the day couldn’t have been better weather-wise.

Amidst the salad making, a joke was made about misreading the greens and how I should have used my “green reading app”. That got me thinking. What if there was an actual app that did that. I’m sure some designer out there can engineer a way using the camera and gyroscope, which every smartphone has, to survey the green somehow and show where the breaks are.

Would that even be legal? I’m guessing no. This could seriously lower scores and handicaps. Not to mention change the odds for golf betting matchups. Not for nothing, companies make a living on illegal golf aids. If that’s the case they should come out with it and let the brass ban it from competitive play.

Could you imagine Phil or Tiger setting up their smartphone on a little Nike or Callaway tripod? The day that happens is the day I stop watching golf all together. Leave the gimmicks and gadgets to the suckers…I mean consumers. Oh well, off to the practice green. Now, where’s that darn smartphone…?

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Reverse Golf Psychology

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Esprit et golfDon’t you just hate when some jackass in your foursome tells you to keep your head down and aim for the target? What ivy league school did this Mensa member attend to formulate that statement? Keep your head down and aim. That reminds me of the movie Raising Arizona, the “Everybody freeze! Everybody down on the ground” scene. If you never saw it, watch it.

First of all, keeping your head down does not work, period. If your swing sucks, it doesn’t matter if your head is even attached. There is a lot more involved here, obviously. You would think we would have learned this through trial and error. Not for nothing, picking your head up during a swing is not that easy to do…I’ve tried.

I’m pretty sure mental preparedness is key. Now, I have to block out the jackass and take the shot. Here’s where I reverse psychologize myself (it’s probably not a real verb but I’m going with it anyway). When I aim for the pin, I hit everywhere else. So, I aim everywhere else. You see what I’m saying? Maybe I can trick myself into hitting a good shot.

The reality is I don’t play enough, as most golfers, and to make up for the lack of practice I need every advantage possible. Even if it’s as dumb as trying to fool myself. Whatever works, right?

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Made In The U.S.A.

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made-in-usa-metal-11092702It’s good to see that manufacturing is coming back to the U.S. I saw a segment on World News last night called “Made In America”. They featured, get this, the new Motorola cell phone being manufactured right here in the good ol’ United States. Texas, to be exact. Who would have thought we would ever see the day an electronic device such as a cell phone would be made here and not in China?

This got me wondering about golf equipment. Now, I know there are companies that make clubs and stuff here but would it help sales if they used that in their marketing? I’ll tell you what, Nike, Taylormade, Callaway or whoever can tell me their clubs hit farther and straighter than the rest but we all know the deal with that. Sell me on something else.

If my decision came down to two sets of clubs and I knew one them was made here…I’m buying the U.S. made set. Now, not being hypocritical, I use Mizuno irons because they were pretty much given to me and no it wasn’t by Mizuno…we’re not that big yet. But if I had to purchase them, I would support our companies here.

The U.S. has a long tradition with iron and steel. Starting with Carnegie up to today. We named a music genre after it, actually a few if you count all the types of “metals” i.e heavy, speed etc. One of the NFL’s most celebrated teams is named after steel. Considering all the metal involved in a golf club, it only makes sense to be made here. Just my $0.02…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golf: Whine & Wine

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There's something about golfers and whine, er...wine.
There’s something about golfers and whine, er…wine.

It is becoming ever more popular these days. I’m sure we are all very familiar with whining and it’s relation to golf. As a matter of fact, most of us have become connoisseur’s in this area. It’s hard to imagine a round of golf without a little whine.

Speaking of, I read something interesting about these whiner’s and the wine they make. I was surprised at the list of others that have joined the likes of Greg Norman to sling some grape juice. Who would of thought Arnold Palmer would make wine. Come on Arnie, you can’t blend iced tea and lemonade with everything.

Although, that would make for a great prank on some wine snobs. Set up an elegant affair at Bay Hill. Invite these connoisseurs with the intention of  their partaking in the “Palmer Estates” Select Vintage wine tasting and they actually get an Arnold Palmer wine cooler in a fancy glass. Everybody in on the joke has to rave about it how good the swill is. It could be great for youtube. Just saying…and I said it first.

Another good one is Nick Faldo, I love the names associated with his vino. It’s like ordering something from Outback Restaurant. I’ll have the Katnook from Coonawarra. Actually Katnook is the estate name and Coonawarra is the town it’s in. In that case gimme the Kookaburra wings.

In addition to the aforementioned, David Frost; Annika; and Luke Donald have also dabbled in the vino business. I have to say that coming from a long line of wine makers in my family, I do appreciate what these golfers are doing. Especially when they tie charities in and also make a good bottle of wine that I won’t need to take out a second mortgage to buy it.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

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