GolfStinks

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Love, A Fore Letter Word.

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Does this sound familiar?

Golfer: “Honey, I’m going golfing. I’ll be back by 12.”

Significant Other (SO): “But babe, the garage needs to be painted, the yard is a mess and you never hang out with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…”

Golfer: “Come on, we hang out every night and why are you bringing this up now?”

SO: “Why am I bringing this up? The only place you take me is for granted.”

Golfer: (mumbling) “Here we go…”

SO: “What was that?!?! What did you say?!?! Blah blah blah…

All of a sudden it feels like you are talking to Charlie Brown’s parents or teacher. Wah wah, wah wah wah wah waaah. How can this be avoided? It never fails, every time you try to get out to hack up the local track, BAM, mission foiled…again.

I might have the solution. First of all, if your relationship is not good for your golf game (ok, or you), run…fast. There’s nothing worse than a relationship that’s destined to fail. After you have escaped from the thralls of the evil golf hater, wallow in your new found freedom and pursue a more suitable relationship. One that includes golf.

How do I do that? Well, I’m glad you asked. Allow me to introduce you to the ASGA, American Singles Golf Association. What is the ASGA? Here’s what they have to say:

“The American Singles Golf Association is a group of chapters throughout the United States and Canada composed of real people you meet face-to-face and, of course, play golf with. Chapters hold general membership meetings once each month and play golf as a group as often as they would like. Many social-only events are also held throughout the year.

“…it’s a bunch of people who are single (i.e. never married, divorced, widowed, or legally separated), age 21 or over who really, really, really enjoy golf.”

What are you waiting for? Check out singlesgolf.com and go get’em tiger…oof…bad joke.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Ahh Jeez, For The Love Of…Golf?

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Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results (he must have been a golfer). Psychology tells us that a relationship normally consists of good and sometimes bad emotions. So, what do the two have to do with each other? Simple, go golfing and you will see.

There’s nothing quite like getting to your favorite track and feeling confident that today you will get the best of this course. You then proceed to tee up your first drive and smash it in the lumber yard.

“Ahh Jeez, for the love of (insert favorite religious icon)! Why do I always shank this *bleep*ing drive?” Please see Albert Einstein’s definition above. Any questions?

So, we’ve learned that insanity is involved in being a weekend hack but, what about the relationship? This is also a complex situation. Golf is the underdog hopeless romantic that succeeds just like in those sappy romantic comedies. The good eventually outweighs the bad.

Ironically, there is more bad than good for the 50 million average golfers. Out of the 100 + strokes we take every round maybe 20-25% are close to what we wanted (this being good). The other 75-80% land where they land and we recover and bitch about it (the bad).

Where is the love? Well, you know…the one shot that will keep you coming back. And that shot is like cupid’s arrow finding your rear. What we have here is a biased scale. Even though the bad out-numbers the good, it doesn’t matter because the one good shot carries so much weight that we forget about the rest of the round. Insane, isn’t it?

Albert Einstein must have been on to something.

Hit’em long…yell E=MC2!

Why Golf, Why?

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Ok, so I have another issue with this torture-inflicting game called golf that I love so much – our relationship. It’s true, we are suckers for abuse. The worse you treat us the more difficult it is to stay away.

You know that friend you may have secretly liked but they were so wrapped up in a crappy relationship with an abusive a-hole and everybody saw it except them? Well, I’m the friend and golf is the abusive a-hole.
I went and checked out some classic signs of a bad relationship and it’s just as I suspected:

  • Lack of Trust – How do you trust someone (or thing) that lets you down a lot? Hey, I know I could practice more but, WTF. How about showing some love once in a while? Maybe a kick towards the fairway instead of the woods.
  • Disrespect – Not treating the other person like they are important. Golf, do you know how it feels when all I do is try to take care of you and in return you do stuff like give me 10 on a par 3?
  • Fear of Change – I can’t change now. I’ve invested too much into this already, plus softball messes with my swing.
  • Physical or Emotional Abuse – Do I need to go here?
But wait, there is good news! With a little help, we can develop a healthy, happy relationship with golf once again. It may take a little time but we can do it. Get back in that driver’s seat and own what’s yours! Who wears the knickers in this relationship…? That’s right – we do!

Personally, I look to players like Phil Mickelson and John Daly for inspiration. These guys have had their share of ups and downs. They should be counselors with all the real life experience they have. If there’s one thing I can take away from all of this – it’s to have fun. Don’t sweat the small stuff and enjoy your time together.
Hit’em long…yell FORE! Don’t get whipped…

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