GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

Grand River View On The Rolling Hill Golf Course.

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No, that is not the name of a golf course. It’s a stereo type of golf course names. This past week I was checking out how a majority of golf courses use a facet of nature in their name. It’s almost an attempt to mislead you into believing these courses are something mother nature birthed. Bull crap.


Don’t get me wrong there are definitely a bunch of eco-friendly courses popping up but they are still a minority. I could get into the whole debate of “Are golf courses bad for the environment?” but I’ll save that for a later date plus Stinky Golfer Greg covered that in a previous post. See that? We’re all over the pertinent golf issues.


Everybody knows that courses were created by developers and architects but, as for naming the track, Here’s where it gets tricky. You see, I’ve discovered the secret formula for naming a golf course so please pay close attention. Ok, what you do is take one of the items from column A, combine it with one from column B, slap Golf Course on the end and voilá!

A B
Lake Creek
Forest Valley
River Springs
Fox Park
Eagle Pine

In all fairness, I should also mention that there are some courses out there with pretty cool names. For example, Rogue’s Roost in New York or the very manly Studley Wood Golf Club in England (plus check the first article I linked above for more cool names). In the end, it’s just a name. Get out there and play…even if the course is called Rotten Crotch Ridge.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Can Worm Turds Save the Golf Industry?

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zerowaste 007
Worm turds in action (Photo courtesy of Green Golfer Foundation)

Right now, as I pen this post, people knee-deep in worm feces are revolutionizing the future of golf courses – and quite possibly saving the golf industry to boot.

That’s right – worm crap. Or, more politely; worm castings. When utilized properly, this poop can save golf courses big money. And when courses save, golfers, golf retailers – in fact the entire golf industry, benefits. All from worm feces.

As absurd as this sounds, it may actually be pretty accurate. You see, worm dung, when brewed into a tea-like liquid (trust me, this isn’t your pappy’s sun-brewed iced tea) can be used as a decent substitute for chemical fertilizer and pesticides.

Less chemicals means less pollution run-off into streams, rivers and oceans. But what it also does is save the course from spending on said costly pesticides and fertilizers. In addition, using this worm castings tea can “reduce water usage by 30-50 percent” – see where this is starting to make sense from a golf course perspective?

So how do golf courses do this? I mean, is it really that feasible? What about costs? Well, one course in California has implemented this process and it hasn’t costed them a dime – not in equipment, labor or worm poop.

The trick is capitalizing on the green movement that’s been sweeping the nation over the last several years. There are many non-for-profit eco-organizations out there more than willing to fork over cash in return for a better and safer environment. Such was the case in California – when Dairy Creek Golf Course, in conjunction with the Green Golfer Foundation received a grant from multiple state-funded eco-organizations to fund their “ZerO Waste” initiative.

In a nut-shell; you get the worms (in this case, they were provided free of charge by another eco-organization), put them in worm bins (built by volunteers from the Green Golfer Foundation) and then watch them multiply exponetially in just a few months. Then you get all your leftover restaurant waste (which is free anyway) and let the worms chow down. They start pooping and you brew said poop in a 500 gallon compost brewer (assembled for free from the good folks at Green Golfer Foundation) and begin spraying the tea on the course.

Not only are you saving costs in fertilizer and pesticides, but you’ve just created one of the world’s first zero waste golf courses. Yell that out the pro shop window and watch those lovable tree-hugger groups (cash in hand) come running!

But all joking aside, this concept is working at Dairy Creek Golf Course – a zero waste solution with no cost to the course. In fact, Dairy Creek is actually saving money by limiting the use of fertilizer, pesticides and water. The Green Golfer Foundation is looking for members willing to implement similar systems on golf courses all over the country. If you’re interested in helping on a golf course in your area, please email them at: richard@environmentalprotectionassociates.com.

Golf and the Environment…Enough Already!

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autumn-194834_1280Dear golfers of the world,

Haven’t we heard enough about eco-this and eco-that? The tree-huggers already have a day dedicated to the well-being of the planet: Earth Day…and it was last Friday – I think we’re good till next year, no?

It’s bad enough Al Gore is running around like Chicken Little yelling the sky is falling, but now the “green” movement is encroaching on our golf games to boot.

First the environmentalists complained that golf courses messed up the local wildlife (big deal – it’s not like the golf industry is BP). Then they observed that it takes a ton of water to keep a course green…not to mention a ton of chemicals (so there’s a little chemical run-off – who drinks out of a stream anymore anyway)? I mean, what’s next – outrage over the billions and billions of lost golf balls littering the planet? The gas used in our carts? The trees chopped to accommodate an additional 18 holes?

Don’t even get me started on all the “eco-golf” websites out there: Places like Turfhugger, Golf & Environment and…of all sites to jump on the bandwagon; Golf Stinks…with posts HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE – about…yep, you guessed it…Golf and the freaking environment. When will it end?

Well, it appears no time soon. If the aforementioned wasn’t eco-nauseous enough, the hippies over at Golf Refugees have developed “a set of environmental golf rules.” Apparently, they feel they have the cojones large enough to petition the the USGA and R&A to alter the Rules of Golf to accommodate their new eco-rules – what silliness!

I’m so sick of hearing that golf is made up of a bunch of rich fat cats that don’t care about the environmental impacts of the game they love. I say the exact opposite is true: We’ve taken what was once useless wilderness and turned it into something for everyone to use (well, that is…everyone that has the prim and properness to wear chinos and a collared shirt; frivolously spend on the latest golf balls, shoes and gloves; fork over a small fortune on greens fees; spend hundreds – in some cases thousands – on a decent set of golf clubs; and have a car to put it all in…preferably something with 8 cylinders that comfortably fits 7).

So please don’t let all this eco-hype fool you. Golf courses are doing nothing wrong and there’s no such thing as global warming. Just go about your business as usual and I hope to see you all at your local course this weekend (just ignore those yellow “caution pesticide application” signs on each tee-box – they’re totally hog wash)!

Sincerely,
The Traditional Golf Industry

Author’s Note: Unless your head’s completely up your ass, you’ve realized this post is nothing but satire. That being said, it’s time the powers that be in the golf industry get their heads out of their asses.

If we want our kids and our grand kids to enjoy this game, we need to make some changes ASAP. The guys over at Golf Refugees are on to something with their eco-rules – it’s a lofty goal, but a necessary one. And if we can’t change the rules immediately, how about an eco-tournament on the pro-tour? Just one tour stop a year where there’s an eco-centric theme (perhaps it’s played on a course that doesn’t use pesticides).

Many people point to golf as a sport that’s detrimental to the environment. Let’s change that. God knows, this game can use all the help it can get.

Golf After Global Warming; It’s Gonna Be Great!

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golfstinks eco-golfAs I sit here looking out my window at nearly three feet of snow, I can’t help but wonder whatever happened to global warming? Remember that? Here in Connecticut, that soon to be extinct white stuff fell at an unprecedented rate over the last few weeks (separate storms produced 14″, 11″, 2″, 22″ and 4″ of snow within 20 days).

I guess the reality is, as long as we’re driving around burning the remnants of dinosaur bones and chopping down trees like Paul Bunyon, global warming is something that will eventually happen. Oh we may not be around to see it, but our great, great, great grandkids will probably be basting in warmer temps across the globe.

Sure, the glaciers will be gone; earthquakes will be rampant; and you’ll need an acid-retardant suit to go swimming in the ocean, but I’ll tell you this: The golf industry will have it made!

Think about that for a second. Once global warming takes hold, most golf courses will be able to remain open year-round. Do you know what that would do the economics of golf? Today, the sport basically has an economic impact of $80 billion a year. That number could easily double to $160 billion if courses say, in Minnesota, can remain open say, in January.

Let’s face it, by then, people (especially the U.S.) will probably be so unhealthy, athletic summer activities like beach volleyball, biking, and anything involving running will be out of the question for most. That being the case, many would most likely gravitate to a sport where they can ride around on a cart the entire time (especially if the cart has a roof to shade them from the massive amounts of UV light that will be coming from the sun in the future).

Now then, with so many people playing golf, merchandise and equipment will be selling like hot cakes. For example, it may not be out of the ordinary for a drugstore chain like Walgreens to have an aisle dedicated to just golf stuff; “Golf balls? Yes ma’am, pass the sunscreen aisle and the water filtration aisle, and the golf aisle will be just after that.”

The PGA tour will also benefit from mass amounts of people taking up the game. It will expand to have 10,000 players competing on courses all over the world! Many tour players will be as recognizable as Derek Jeter and Tom Brady (and make as much money as those guys too). Meanwhile, Hooters Tour players will actually make enough money to support their families!

Yep, golf will be so popular, the major networks will compete to broadcast the FedEx Cup in prime time! There will literally be so many tournaments, the Golf Channel will need three networks just to cover it all (unfortunately, the programming on all three will be so lame that most people will get their golf fix on ESPN’s dedicated golf network, ESPiNtheHole).

Everyone will have at least one uncle who’s a golf pro at some course somewhere. And instead of riding bicycles and playing catch, kids will practice putting and chipping for hours on end and swap golf trading cards of their favorite tour players.

Yes, golf after global warming will be the cat’s meow for us golfers. Of course, until then, much of the world will have to settle for waiting for the snow to melt and the ground to thaw and the grass to start growing before they can enjoy this game again. But boy will our great, great, great grandkids be lucky.

So remember, just keep ruining the planet and one day your ancestors will be able to enjoy golf year-round! Of course, all the courses will be made of AstroTurf because no grass will grow due to the giant hole in the ozone, but what the hey…

The Advent of Organic Golf Courses

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vineyard golf club
Vineyard Golf Club – Martha’s Vineyard, MA

Twenty years ago, Whole Foods supermarket was virtually unheard of, save for a minimal portion of the population in Texas. The organic food phenomenon was just beginning to take root, and many thought it was doomed to fail.

The idea that food could be grown on a large scale without the use of pesticides or synthetic fertilizers was dismissed as hogwash. But yet these days there are nearly 300 Whole Foods markets across North America and the UK, and a growing number of consumers are seeking organic meals around the dinner table.

Like the organic food industry of two decades ago, today we’re at the dawn of a new way to manage golf courses. Within the last 10 years, an increasing number of golf course managers have begun to realize that the “Augusta effect” is not only expensive, but environmentally irresponsible to boot.

As I mentioned in a previous post, overseeding, a common practice in warmer climates to keep grass green year-round, is beginning to wane. As a result, golfers in those regions are learning that brown grass doesn’t necessarily mean bad grass.

But beyond overseeding, what about all the pesticides and synthetic fertilizers used to keep courses in line with our expectations? According to the Worldwatch Institute, golf courses encompass nearly 2 million acres of land in the U.S., and they collectively take-in 2 billion gallons of water a day. This water mixes with pesticides and fertilizers, which contributes to water pollution, and ultimately the health of plants, animals and humans suffer – A 1994 study of death certificates from over 600 golf course superintendents revealed unusually high numbers of deaths from specific cancers, including brain and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

These risks have led to a new breed of golf course: Organic. In 2002, residents of the upscale Massachusetts island of Martha’s Vineyard were so afraid of water pollution from a proposed golf course, they successfully lobbied course management to operate 100% free of pesticides and synthetic fertilizers. Vineyard Golf Club (pictured at top) is perhaps the only course in the United States to not use a drop of chemicals.

But others are taking similar measures. Bear Creek Golf Course in the state of Washington only uses fungicide and fertilizer on its greens; Applewood Golf Course in Colorado uses synthetic fertilizers, but no pesticides; The Resort at Squaw Creek golf course in Lake Tahoe uses no “pesticides and only a minimal amount of organic-based fertilizer;” and Kabi Golf Course in Australia has been called the only organic course in the southern hemisphere (check out the review by our buddy Michael over at the Aussie Golfer blog HERE).

There are probably more courses like this out there, but they’re not easy to find – this really is a new concept (perhaps one of the best resources is this in-depth look at golf and the environment by Golf Digest in 2008). But in a couple decades (as more courses begin weening off the chemical baths and more players begin to accept a little more brown grass) we may all have played on at least one of these organic tracks – to the benefit of both the land and ourselves.

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