You know what’s funny? Some of the tall tales you hear out on the golf course. Seriously, many of the stories and claims I’ve heard from golfers/friends I know, I half-expect the words “April Fools” to follow. So what is it that compels golfers to make up these stories? What is it that makes a golfer feel like he or she needs to tell stories (i.e. - lie)? Does it make them feel superior to other golfers? If that’s it, then what’s the reason for needing to feel superior? Can’t you just admit that you stink? What’s so bad about stinking at golf?
Let me give you a few examples of some stories I’ve heard from friends/golfers which I feel were worthy of an “April Fools” follow-up:
1. While standing in front of a 380-390 yard par-4 - “I drove this green a few times.” I’m sorry, but who do you think I am? You do remember that we’re friends, right? I’m not a complete stranger ya know. You swing a wiffle bat with the same speed as if it’s a 40 pound log, and you sure don’t swing your golf club much faster. I’m not 100% sure I’ve ever seen you hit even a 300-yard drive, but you drove this green a few times?! Please say “April Fools.”
2. “When I used to play regularly, I hit 320 yard drives all the time. I probably averaged 320-330.” OK, as of this very moment the longest average drive on the PGA Tour is 307.2 yards. But you…somehow you are out-driving the longest average hitter on the tour….THE PGA TOUR! You know, where the professional golfers play. Again, please say “April Fools.”
3. “I’m pretty close to being a scratch golfer now.” OK, you play golf once a week…tops. We play together several times a year and I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen you break 90. Now I know you’re pretty good…much better than me, but somewhere between the last time we played and now, you’ve managed to shave about 20 strokes off your game? You’re good. But again, I’m going to require you to say “April Fools.”
So again I have to ask, why the stories? Does claiming you’re a better golfer than you actually are somehow make you feel superior to others? Even if you’re full of crap? Do the people who lie about their golf games lie about other things in their lives as well? Are they able to cook their dinner better/faster than they actually do? Does their car accelerate quicker than it actually does? Are they able to send a fax quicker than everyone else at the office? Let me try. I once shot a 71 at Bandon Dunes. I won a long drive competition against John daly once. Last year, I was happy when I broke 100, but I’m shooting pretty close to par just about everywhere I go.
Nope, that’s not working for me. I just don’t feel good lying about my game. Oh, wait….April Fools. There, that’s better.
Swing ’til you’re happy!