I Never Realized How Much I Stink at Golf Until…

…I heard the name Bobby Wyatt. I’m sure by now most of you have heard about Wyatt’s 57. No, that’s not a new brand of whiskey you’ll find on the shelves of your local packie. It’s a golf score. On 18 holes. On a regulation golf course. By a 17-year old. Under the pressure of playing in a state championship.

But for some reason, it didn’t seem to get the publicity one would imagine considering its rarity. How rare is it? Well, unofficially, only three times has a lower score ever been recorded and on none of those previous occasions was the course over 6,500 yards.

How amazing is that 57 in comparison to my golf game? Let’s put it this way – I came home from a round once and had my wife ask me how I did. I responded “I shot a 59.” She said “I thought you were playing 18?” Even my wife, who admittedly has no clue what the scores mean, knows enough that I have no chance of EVER approaching that number on 18 holes.

But that’s OK…that’s not why I play. However, seeing someone shoot a round containing more birdies than I have recorded in twelve years is still quite humbling, no matter your skill level. So as if watching this kid, who is half my age, single-handedly makes my quest to one day break 90 seem pathetic and meaningless…I wondered about a couple of other golf feats that I would never approach. Here are the two that stood out most…

Holes-in-One:
I have yet to record one. I once came within about a foot on the same hole, in the same round, as one of my playing partners who came within about 3 inches. Otherwise, I’ve never really threatened to drop in the all-elusive ace. But Norman Manley? According to the United States Golf Register, Norman supposedly has 59 aces in his golfing career. 59!

Considering I have seen the odds of a hole-in-one range anywhere between 1 in 40,000 to 1 in 1,000,000, I really have to question the amount of truth behind that number. Is it legit? Is it a hoax? Is it an “I caught the biggest fish I’ve ever seen in my life but no one was there to see it” tale? I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it ranks right there with crop circles and Wilt Chamberlain’s extra-curricular activities.

Longest Drive:
Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing in a local tournament. We came upon a “long-drive” hole and Greg asked me if I was going to give it a go. Not one to back down from a challenge, I pulled out my shiny new Big Bertha (which has since found its way to eBay), lined up my drive and let loose a bomb like I’ve never hit before. When I reached the ball, I believed it to be the longest drive I’d ever hit – 320 yards. I knew it was 320 because just five yards in front of me was the marker for the longest drive of the day. Close, but no cigar. This drive however, was child’s play in comparison to that of a drive recorded by “Mighty” Mike Austin.

In 1974, Austin, who was already well known for his long drives, released a 515-yard missile during the U.S. National Seniors Open Championship. I understand it happened in a tournament and it’s recognized as the longest drive ever in competition…, but 515? By a (at the time) 64 year old man? Using golf club technology that is 36 years old? For comparisons sake, muscle-bound men, competing in long drive championships with clubs custom built for distance in competition cannot hit that far with today’s technology. As a matter of fact, the long-drive competition record is 539 – only 24 yards farther.

I’m sorry, but this one ranks right up there with Mantle’s 565-foot home run. I just can’t really believe that’s true, and physics backs it up. Especially when I have seen juiced-up guys like Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds hammer shots that have not even approached that mark. I’m sure it was a long drive, but it wasn’t 515 yards. Unless that tournament was taking place on the moon.

Whether or not these “records” hold true, they are marks that will likely never be challenged by me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll try. Anytime I come upon a par-3…I’ll be looking for my first ace. Any long-drive hole that crosses my path…I’ll do my best to make my mark. After all, like every other one, these records are made to be broken.