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Knock Strokes off your Score Instantly with the PAF Rule!

August 31, 2009 | By Pete Girotto | 3 Comments

Golf is a lot easier when someone carries your bag

I was laying on my couch yesterday recovering from Saturday night’s “therapy” session at the ol’ watering hole and I had a game altering revelation – the PAF Rule!

You see, I was watching the Golf Channel because a) the remote was too far away and b) I was zoning-out rather than really watching when this infomercial came on guaranteeing straighter and longer drives, lower scores, lower handicaps, better sex life, all for 20 installments of $19.95…you know the one.

Anyway, I cleared the fog out my head and started thinking of ways I can lower my score without lifting a finger (Hey, call me lazy but I like to refer to myself as super efficient).

I said to myself “If I had a gallery of spectators and a couple of field marshal’s to see where my ball landed, I would never lose a ball again…for the most part.” Seriously, how many times have you smacked the snot out of a drive or hit a nice iron and can’t find it. You swear to every religious figure that the ball landed right there and *poof* it magically disappeared. Do you see where I’m going with this?

On average, I would say my ball “magically” disappears a couple times a round, and since I don’t draw the masses when I hit the links, nor is there a field marshal to be found (at least where I play), I’ve decided to call this the “Pro Advantage Factor” or PAF. An automatic -2 off my score. Why not?

Doesn’t the PAF justify it? Everyone’s PAF could be different depending on how many balls you “magically” lose. I mean the better you are the less help you need, right? So why do pro’s have people helping them find their balls?

We stinky ones need all the help we can get. More PARS with PAF, that’s what I say! This should play right along with the rules. Barring O.B., the next time you hit a Houdini don’t sweat it, play the PAF card.

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: amateur golf, longer drives, lower handicaps, lower scores, PAF, pro golfer

"You Picked your Head Up…"

August 26, 2009 | By Pete Girotto | 4 Comments

That usually justifies a bad golf shot by an amateur. I mean really, it has nothing to do with the fact that we just stink at golf, right? “You didn ‘t rotate your wrists…”, Didn ‘t rotate my wrists…!?!? Who the…I didn ‘t know Hank Haney* was in our foursome. Thanks for the tip Skippy, now go get your shinebox! “What ‘s that? My body wasn ‘t square to the target…?” I ‘m sorry, but geometry was never my thing. Next time I ‘ll be sure to have a protractor. Here ‘s a little “reality golf lesson” for those that think they are golf instructors and must let you know what you are doing wrong.

1) If your business card does not say PGA professional (and can be confirmed), please…shut the ƒ#$% up!
2) If you have never been paid real money to give a golf lesson, please…shut the ƒ#$% up!
3) If your score is just as bad as everyone else ‘s, please…shut the ƒ#$% up!
4) If you find yourself saying ” I picked my head up” as a reason for bad golf, please…shut the ƒ#$% up!
5) And finally, if you don ‘t know who I ‘m referring to, it ‘s probably you, so please…

Now that I got that off my chest I shouldn ‘t have a problem keeping my head down.

*Hank Haney is a golf instructor to the pro ‘s…and wealthy retired pro athletes like Charles Barkley…btw, Sir Charles stinks at golf. How do I know? Well, Haney was quoted as saying “Charles ‘ swing looked worse than Helen Keller trying to read.” Don ‘t listen to that hogwash Chuck, I still believe in you…call me, we ‘ll do lunch.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: amateur golf, Charles Barkley, geometry, golf instructor, golf lesson, Hank Haney

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