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The Pro Tours

This section focuses on the pro tours (PGA, Senior, and LPGA). Articles typically focus on how the professional world of golf affects the recreational golfer.

*This Post is on a Three-Second Delay

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I’ve had it. It’s been how long now? Am I really still hearing conversation about Tiger’s most recent outburst at the PGA Championship? Was it really that big a deal? Did a professional athlete’s cursing have that big an affect on you? Has it caused you a permanent emotional scar? If so, then here, let me offer you some advice if it’s still bothering you that much……SHUT THE (bleep) UP!! I mean for (bleep) sake already! A pro athlete said a (bleep) swear! Well holy (bleep) (bleep)!! I never thought I’d see the (bleep) day!

Seriously now, have you never sat near the sidelines at a football game? Ever been anywhere near the field at a baseball game? And how about a basketball game? Even watching an NBA game on TV, there’s so much (bleep) swearing you would think you were watching an episode of The Sopranos! Oh…but this is golf. I know, I know…golfers are better people. Golfers are above that. Etiquette, etiquette, etiquette….. (bleep) you! The guy got angry and he said (bleep). So the (bleep) what?!

Look, this is a professional athlete. And like most professional athletes, he takes his game and his performance seriously. He’s angry at himself when he makes a mistake. He’s not out there to (bleep) around. He’s out there to win the (bleep) game. So he gets angry at himself when he (bleep) up. Big (bleep) deal. I realize many people have rehashed this issue due to the Serena Williams blow-up (another over-blown incident in my opinion). But there’s no real comparison and therefore, no reason to even bring it up again. He swore at himself, not at another golfer. Not at a spectator. Not at an official. Not anyone. He swore at himself. You know what that is? That’s fire, passion and a desire to win and to be the best at what he does getting the better of him. He’s not going to tone it down and he shouldn’t. You can’t ask a professional athlete to “tone it down a bit.” Especially for a television camera! The best athletes feed off of a desire inside. They use it as a fuel for their fire. It’s happened to Tiger several times, and it’s going to continue to happen not just to him, but to many other athletes as well. Don’t blame Tiger when a microphone catches an F-bomb for millions to hear. If you want to blame someone, blame the TV networks!

That’s right. Blame the (bleep) networks for not having a delay – God knows there have been enough incidents and “malfunctions” that they should have learned their lessons by now. As a matter of fact, blame the networks for having a stupid (bleep) microphone on the (bleep) tee to begin with! Why the (bleep) is it there anyway? It’s only silence on the tee! We need a mic there to listen to how (bleep) quiet it is? “Oh, well we can hear the club hit the ball.” Well whoop-dee-(bleep)-doo! Put it on a (bleep) delay then! Problem solved! These networks know what the microphone is going to pick up, not just from the athletes, but from the spectators as well. It’s their fault if they don’t take the proper precautions. This is a competitive sport. It’s not a (bleep) television interview where it’s a nice, peaceful, serene setting where the interviewer and interviewee are five feet apart, sitting in comfy chairs and dressed in suits. It’s the middle of a (bleep) competition! It’s the field of battle!

Even worse than the people who don’t understand this are the idiots who talk and write about how classless Tiger is because of this. Yeah! Let’s just forget about the Tiger Woods Foundation. Let’s pretend the Tiger Woods Learning Center never existed. Let’s not pay any attention to the numerous causes he supports such as education, family/parents, human rights and environmental issues. As a matter of fact, according to The Giving Back Fund (www.givingback.org) he, along with Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordan, are the top three “celebrity givers” among all athletes. He does more for complete strangers in six months than most people will do for their own friends and family in their entire (bleep) lives! But he cursed during a golf tournament, so he’s classless? Shut the (bleep) up!

Look, as long as there are sports on TV, microphones will be around to pick up the occasional F-word. PGA golfers are competitive athletes, just like athletes in any other sport. In addition to that, they are human – just like you and I. They’re not perfect – just like you an I. They swear – just like you and I.

Now get over it.

Do Golfers Golf on Their Off-Days?

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After a weekend of shooting lights-out golf and earning one of those gigantic checks (literally), do you think Tiger, or any superstar golfer on the tour for that matter, ever gets the desire to just hit a local public course? I don’t necessarily mean some $12, play-all-day, military test ground-looking hell hole. I’m talking about a nice upscale public course with his buddies.

Better yet, when he was in his bachelor days, do you think he ever went on a date that consisted of dinner at Chili’s and eighteen holes of mini-golf? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s not exactly how he reeled in Elin. So if I had to guess, I would say probably not. But don’t laugh…those mini golf putts are tough! You could get some good practice with those uneven surfaces under the frayed and bunched-up carpets and the raised lip around the cup. Not to mention the windmill! Well, either it’s good practice or it will completely ruin your putting game.

Anyway, I would think between practice and tournaments, those rounds with his buddies will probably have to wait. Especially those rounds at the public course…those will likely never come. But it’s not just because he is who he is…it’s also because he’s doing his job, and probably doesn’t want to do more of it on his time off.

Along the same lines, can you picture a guy like Mario Andretti getting behind the wheel of a go-kart just for fun? What would be the point, right? That may be fun for a regular guy like me, but that’s because I don’t get to drive a hi-performance, bullet-with-wheels at 200+ MPH on a closed track.

What about a famous chef like Jacques Pepin? I would be willing to bet he doesn’t roll-out-of-bed every morning and whip himself up a crepe stuffed with shrimp, scallions and scallops in a velouté sauce. On a side note, do you think he ever just drops-in to his local Mickey D’s? Well…actually I can picture that one. To hell with Morgan Spurlock! World-class chef or not, how can you resist a quarter-pounder with cheese every once in a while? And he’s not cooking it anyway, right? Someone is preparing a meal (to a degree) for him for a change! But as I said, for the most part these guys are doing their jobs, which they probably don’t want to do on their days off. Think about it, would you want to?

Some examples: If you are a garbage collector, when you get home do you offer to take out your neighbor’s trash for them? If you are a veterinarian, do you wake up on Sunday morning, check to see if your dog’s nose is wet then proceed to give Rover a check-up by putting your finger in a place Rover would likely prefer you didn’t? Maybe you’re stuck alone in the office mailroom and you stuff envelopes all day for a living…something tells me you’re going to setup automatic bill payments through your bank. Maybe you’re the greeter at the front doors of Wal-Mart. If so, I would think you’ll probably not be inviting as many people to your home as you would if you were the envelope stuffer.

See my point? No? Maybe I don’t really see it either. It’s just something that crossed my mind. Maybe some people do the same stuff they do for a living on their time off. Maybe they enjoy it enough to do so. You know what they say – find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. I would imagine athletes don’t quite look at their “jobs” the same way the average worker does. So maybe golfers play golf on their off-days. I like to whenever I can. And for the dog’s sake, I hope the veterinarian does too.

With Sideshow Status Diminished, Wie Begins Career

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Michelle Wie’s career to this point had been basically relegated to a sideshow. “Come see the little girl take on the biggest and baddest male players in the game!”

Her sponsor, Nike, tossed oodles of cash at her family (I say her family because when your 14, signing multimillion-dollar deals and playing an event on the opposite sex’s adult golf tour, you’re most likely not calling the shots) and thrust her upon a national stage far removed from the innocent image of a young athlete with huge potential.

Initially, Nike’s investment in Sideshow Shelly seemed to be working, as 14-year-old Michelle “Shelly” Wie (who also happens to be 6′-1″ and can launch bombs 300+ yards) barely missed the cut at the PGA Tour’s 2004 Sony Open in her home state of Hawaii.

But it was mostly downhill from there. In her mid-teens, Wie was clearly out-of-her-league in male events, and was struggling to hold her own in female events too. To make matters worse, she earned the reputation of a prima donna of sorts, withdrawing from tournaments in which she was playing wretchedly and blaming it on an injured wrist (or sometimes both wrists). Perhaps Ms. Wie suffered from legitimate wrist issues, but to the golf world (especially some LPGA members), it was just an excuse.

Fast-forward to 2009 and Ms. Wie is now old-enough to vote (though not yet to drink) and is making a name for herself on the LPGA tour. While she still doesn’t have a win (2nd is her best finish), she has finally been playing like a consistent golf pro. And this helped her get selected to the Solheim Cup in Chicago this past weekend. For her part, Wie probably played the best golf of her career and was clearly the best golfer on the course, winning three of her four matches and halving the other.

But beyond her play this weekend, she showed team spirit. Her face was painted with an American flag, she used a stars and stripes ribbon to tie her ponytail, and she led the U.S. team around the 18th green for a victory lap after the match. Wie was more than a golfer this weekend; she was a fan. And it seems, for now at least, she’s earned the respect of her fellow tour players.

Ms. Wie still has much to prove on the course, and much to put behind her from her past. But if she can play the way she did this weekend (e.g. to show she really and truly enjoys herself), she may one day drop the sideshow act altogether and take her rightful place as the main attraction. God knows a lack of main attractions has been a problem for golf of late.

The PGA Tour is Giving us a Complex

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As the sport pages across the web breakdown every shot of Y.E. Yang’s victory over Tiger Woods yesterday at the PGA Championship, we’re left reminded about the vast degree of separation between the skill-level of pros and those of average Joes (consider the average golfer shoots 97). Forget Mr. Yang and Mr. Woods shot 70 and 75 respectively; instead consider they shot those scores from the championship tees, with millions watching and more than $1.3 million in prize money to the winner – it boggles the average golfer’s mind (I can’t break 90 from the white-tees, no money on the line and 3 people watching – and usually laughing).


I think this is why I don’t watch golf on TV all that much (well, that and the fact you can literally watch the greens’ grass grow while waiting for a pro to line-up his putt) – and it also explains why I don’t really follow the PGA Tour. Don’t get me wrong, I love this game (and can appreciate a good golfer), but those guys don’t make me feel good about myself at all – they’re constantly showing-off with their 65’s and their 59’s. Show me a tour with guys shooting 93 and 101 – all whom won some sort of lottery to get there, and all competing on TV with beer and a steak dinner as prize money (the trophy cup is literally a beer mug that you get to keep after you drink it).


See now THAT would inspire me and probably millions of other golfers around the world to boot. So while this small band of really good golfers (e.g. the PGA Tour) continues to insult average Joe golfers week-in and week-out, I’ll be out on the local muni, having a few beers, smoking a cigar, listening to my friends complain about work and shooting a 97. FORE!

Does a Bear Crap in the Woods…

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I don’t know, does a tiger fart on the course? You know…with all this hoopla and chatter about Tiger, his caddy Steve Williams, or a spectator letting one rip at the Buick Open made me realize; no matter how old you are or what predicament you may be in, a blast from the back door will damn near always make a grown man laugh (or smile at least). And the more serious the situation, the bigger of a laugh it will get.


Think about it, there’s two basic ways it could happen: 1) There’s the audible thunder-from-down-under that immediately gets heard and recognized, and 2) The ever so noxious bouquet of decaying Limburger cheese that with the silence of a ninja, covertly invades the nasal cavities of the unsuspecting victims around you. Either way, they loosen tension, lighten the mood and allow for humor and shenanigans. Hey, I think I’m on to something here…ship 1,000 tons of canned beans to the Middle East and end the turmoil already. It’ll be a fart fest for months. Come on, let’s give it up for a good ol’ Bronx cheer!

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