I’m pretty sure most of us have seen the movie “Wedding Crashers”. If not, I recommend watching it. In short, it’s a film about two bachelors (Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson) that crash weddings in search of free food, drinks and to pick up women. Call them want you want: Freeloaders, scumbags, whatever. I’m also pretty sure that the thought of doing this at least once has bounced around in our heads. Maybe as a to-do on the ol’ bucket list?

A buddy of mine (ABOM), in perhaps his not so proudest of moments, informed me of a “Wedding Crashers” variation he has participated in – crashing golf tournaments. The best part is he doesn’t even play golf. Naturally, my first question was “If you don’t play golf, WTF are you doing at a golf tourney?” ABOM then enlightened me on his motive. He said he shows up at the end for the dinner and open bar. Intrigued I was.

“Go on…I’m listening” I replied. ABOM proceeded to fill in the details; He said the most important thing was to look the part. The golf logo hat, shirt and golf shoes he borrowed from his brother that were a size too small. He even went as far as to button the top button on his polo shirt. I was impressed by his attention to detail. I’m not sure if they do that anymore, but for someone who doesn’t golf, he really did his research. ABOM’s theory was to look as authentic as possible and not raise suspicion.

The story gets better. This particular tournament (which, he crashed with a co-conspirator) was, as he put it, “a perfect set-up.” Meaning there was a buffet-style dinner and open bar. There were no seating arrangements or anything like that. As a matter of fact, ABOM sat at the bar and freeloaded like a bandit. “This can’t get any better” he thought. Until he saw his boss, who just happened to be one of the organizers of the event.

“Crap!” he thought. Well, it was more of a slow-mo “Ohhhhhh shhhhhiiiittttt!” “I gotta get the f$#@ out of here!” As he frantically planned his escape, the thought of his boss exposing him made it even worse. All he could think about was how much of an asshole he was going to look like (not to mention the possibility of losing his job). Luckily, ABOM’s accomplice was able to run interference allowing the exit strategy to be executed flawlessly. My final question to him; “Would you do it again?” His reply “Why not…”

*ABOM did make it a point to mention to me that he would only crash tournaments that do not benefit any charities. It’s good to know there is honor amongst scumbags. And no, ABOM is not really me.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!