So, here we are on our way to hack through 18 holes when Brian* realizes he needs a new glove and a few extra golf balls. We make a quick detour and head to the local golf shop. As we pull in and look around the parking lot it seemed everybody else also needed to stop in. The place was jam packed. We all agreed that we’re here already, let’s just get in and out asap.

Let me set this story up for you. We’re all dressed in proper golf attire (even though we suck we could still look the part) and as Brian is doing his thing, I wander over to the practice mats where you can demo clubs. And then it happens…a shopper in the store asks me for help thinking I work there. I couldn’t resist and neither could Dave* (the other golfer riding with us).

I survey the store and see that there are only 2 or 3 actual store employees already swamped with customers, so I reply “Sure! How can I help?”. The man tells me he is having problems with his swing and needs some advice. Holy S#@%! This guy is asking me for swing tips (…me…the sultan of slice) and without missing a beat I instruct my new student to get up on the mat. Dave is looking on in disbelief that I’m about to give a swing lesson.

We make our introductions and begin.

Me: “Ok Mike*, before we begin do you have any medical conditions that could affect your swing?”

Mike: “Uhhh…no”

Me: “Good, have you ever been in a Mexican jail?”

Mike: “What?!?!”

Me: “Protocol.”

Mike: “No!”

Me: “Excellent! Now, I want you to go ahead and take a few swings.”

Mike makes a few swings and steps off the mat.

Me: “It seems you have a tendency to pick your head up.”

Mike: “Pick my head up? My last instructor told me that was a myth.”

Dave: ” Hey listen, if you don’t want our help that’s fine.”

Mike: ” I’m sorry guys, I didn’t mean it like that…”

Dave: “No problem, it’s forgotten. Back to business!”

From a pile of random warehouse stuff located in the back corner, Dave pulls out a bungee cord.

Dave: “Here it is! Mike, take one end of the bungee cord and hook it to your belt buckle. Bend over a bit and loop the cord around the back of your head and hook the other end back to your belt buckle. This should keep your head down”

The guy actually did it! I couldn’t look at him without laughing so I had to walk away. At this point Brian is just about done checking out and I meet up with him. Dave joins us a couple minutes later and tells us he told Mike the truth – that we weren’t instructors or employees. Apparently, Mike was a good sport about it and said he was going try it on his buddies.

Ahhh, stinking at golf rocks!

*names were changed to protect identity