A little over a week ago I gave everyone a bit of a look into my personal life as I was telling you about wife #1 – The wife who hates when I golf. This week, we are going to look into wife #2 – The wife who doesn’t mind when I golf and, often times, is happy to see me get the hell out of the house. Obviously, this is my favorite one-third of my three-part wife.
One would have to wonder how she can go from hating when I golf, to pretty much handing my clubs to me and forcing me out the front door. I want to ask, but I’m afraid to. When she is pretty much telling me to get out of here, I don’t want to give her any reason to change her mind. So I just grab my keys and go. But I do wonder “Why did she make a stink last Saturday but couldn’t wait to get me out this time?” So I’ve come up with a few ideas on my own:
#1 – She loves me and she wants me to be happy doing something she knows I love to do. No, this can’t be it.
#2 – She has learned that, many times, I am more useful out of the house than in. I figure this is a strong possibility. It’s no secret most of us husbands are kept around by our wives for two reasons – opening jars and squishing bugs. Most of the remaining can all be done by the wife herself – and often times done better. I’ll give it to my wife…she simply does a better job than me at many of the household chores….or does she? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Fellas, you know what I’m talking about. Bill Cosby? Screw it up bad enough and you won’t have to do it again? Sometimes it works. But in hindsight…this may not be the answer either. See, my wife caught onto my tricks pretty quickly. I figured when I dropped a colorful new undergarment into a load of bleach-filled whites, I was home free. Wrong. I tried again with a new comforter. I practically managed to get that one shrunken down to what a candy company would consider “Fun Size.” Still no good. So after another lesson and the threat of my wife shrinking something else down to “fun size”…I don’t screw up the laundry anymore. So the best I can come up with is…
#3 – She’s just so sick of looking at me growing roots into the couch. This is the best I can come up with. I’ll get out of bed, head down to the living room, turn on the TV, and fall asleep again in front of ESPN. I’ll wake up just in time to put the game on, then fall asleep again from innings two through eight. Hey, if God thought it was OK to rest one day, then it should be OK for me also right? My wife says when I can create an entire world in six days, better yet, when I can consistently do ANYTHING for six days, then I can sleep on the couch all day long if I would like. But until then…. She has a point. But rather than argue with me about it, or try to do everything around me, she sends me golfing. This has to be it.
But upon thinking about it, I don’t really care what the reason is, as long as it continues to happen. And I’ll NEVER ask. It’s like asking my mechanic about the technical aspect of my cars latest problem. I don’t give a crap. Does it work properly now? Is that annoying sound gone? That’s all I need to know.
As long as that one part of my wife will continue to recommend I golf and force me out when it’s time to do so, that’s all I need to know. Now if I can just work on the other two parts.
Check back next week for Part 3 – When She Wants To Golf With Me…