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Golf Questions Answered…Part Dos!

September 30, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

More Q & A that will undoubtably hurt your golf game...
More Q & A that will undoubtably hurt your golf game…

After receiving such positive feedback from my previous post “Golf Questions Answered…The Golfstinks.com Way.” It’s only right that I continue to help my fellow hacks with a follow-up and answer more of your questions. I’m so glad that my vast knowledge is coming in handy once again.

Let’s get it on!

Q: What degree wedge should I play with?
A: You should really avoid playing with wedges at any degree…mild, moderate or severe. They are intrusive, uncomfortable and can cause chafing. Thank you Caddyshack 2…

Q: What’s the best hybrid?
A: That’s kind of a subjective question. The best thing is to figure out how much you want to spend and then take one out for a test drive. I’m liking the effort to go green man.

Q: I just got into an argument with a buddy of mine over this: Is it illegal to pick up your ball, clean it and replace it while on the fairway?
A: Dude, hell yeah it’s illegal! Ummm, hello? I believe that’s called public indecency. Scrub the fellas in the privacy of your own home please.

Q: Would you recommend a Medicus?
A: No, I would recommend a doctor-us. Roman empire-era medical practices are a little barbaric. Stupidus questionus.

Q: How can I tell if my shaft is stiff enough?
A: Well, your shot distance and club head speed will dictate where you need to be. Your golf pro would be better suited to help with that. Or…ask your significant other ;).

That wraps up round 2. I hope you all found this to be a nice learning experience. Thanks again for the support and I’m looking forward to round 3!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: caddyshack, hybrid, medicus, questions, shaft, wedges

Hooking On The Golf Course (And I Don’t Mean My Ball)…

January 15, 2010 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

320px-Wiki-prostituteThis is great! All this extra time to go and dig up great golf stories in the off-season. You know, now that the whole Tiger debacle has finally quieted down a bit, I figured I would revisit the world’s oldest profession and it’s run-in’s with golf.

Check this out, in October of ’09, 36-year-old Melanie Kozik was arrested for “willing to engage in prostitution and maintaining a brothel.” Here’s the kicker, she offered (wink, wink) “Golf Lessons” on Craigslist as the ploy. Kozik, who had previously admitted to prostitution, stated she made $1,500 a week disguising golf lessons as prostitution. That’s it…are you f*$%#ing kidding me?!?! $1,500 a week to sell your ass? Come on Mel, if you applied your entrepreneurial skills to a legit biz you could have made that legally.
http://www.mysuncoast.com/Global/story.asp?S=11266342

Moving on to Prairie Village, Kansas, two women got arrested for running a prostitution ring that involved using a church’s parking lot and a golf course. Really girls? A church’s parking lot? The story goes on to say that the girls would use the golf course as a place to dance for- and recruit new clients. I guess the “19th” hole has a whole new meaning. Oh! ba-dum!
http://sportsbybrooks.com/do-golf-course-prostitutes-wear-stiletto-spikes-23455

Back in ’02 at Hidden Valley Golf Club (please save the salad dressing jokes) two of the course managers and a tournament organizer were sentenced to house arrest for having some prostitutes do their thing at a golf tournament. The tournament cost about 2 fazools ($200 for those that never saw Donnie Brasco) with about 160 players. Funny part was that a bunch of players didn’t even bother to bring their clubs!

Officials reported that over a dozen prostitutes and strippers, including one that was 16, set up tents and…wait a minute…they set up tents? Dude, that’s friggin’ hysterical! “Hey guys, how about you come inside and sink your putz…?” or even better, they had signs advertising their services. Like what? “Come on in to get your shaft fitted?”
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,137720,00.html

Until the next time…may your balls always find the hole.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: golf balls, golf club, hooker, prostitute, shaft, tiger

Shaft, Stroke, Head and Balls…

September 17, 2009 | By Pete Girotto | 2 Comments

Have you ever had somebody walk-in on a golf conversation at the wrong time? As proper the terminology and content of the conversation may be, it’s still hard not to laugh when you overhear: “Hey, do you think my shaft is stiff enough?”

Come on, this is another great part of the game. How else can you use the words: shaft, stroke, head and balls in a conversation with an older lady and walk away without a sexual harassment charge? It’s the truth…childish but true.

Also, the word putter just makes me feel dirty. “Jack, on your way back grab my putter.” That sends a shiver down my spine. WTF! Seriously, yell that across the green and not smirk. How did golf get so unintentionally sexual? Am I the only one that gets a kick out of it? What are the odds that so many of the same terms would appear in both a porno and a golf outing – and I haven’t even mentioned the cursing and swearing.

Sometimes, I like to go out on the course and see how far I can take it with people using these “words” – as well as making up some too. For example, the word extrapify doesn’t exist as far as I know. So, to me it’s money – the next time you’re paired with some jackass, try saying the following: “Yeah, I think you need an extrapifier to separate the head from your shaft because the hozzle seems to be bad.”

Almost forgot the balls! Can’t play without balls, right? “Between the rain and this humidity my balls are really sticking…” Really, if there was a top ten this should be on it. Everybody knows that you can’t play with dirty balls so, we must embrace the ball washer and be damn proud of it. At least once a round you should proclaim how good it feels to wash your dirty balls!

Voilà! Just combo a few of these “words” together and observe – the fun that ensues will be both endless and priceless. So, go out there, have fun and yell fore!

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: ball washer, balls, golf, golf terms, golfer, head, shaft, stroke

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