GolfStinks

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Are USGA Rules Taking It Too Far?

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Do the rules of golf overdo it?
Do the rules of golf overdo it?

Back in April of this year, Brian Davis- fairly new to the tour, loses his chance to win the Verizon Heritage and $400,000 because he ticked a reed during his backswing while in a hazard.

He didn’t intend to touch the reed to improve his chances. And I’m pretty sure that didn’t give him any advantage. Brian, sorry to see you concede your first possible victory in such a crappy way. At least you can say you came in second to Jim Furyk.

There should be a referee out there with instant replay that could make a better call than some rule taken to the highest level of anal retentiveness. Seriously, he barely nicked a dead reed…A DEAD REED! Everybody knows that contacting a dead reed in your backswing makes you play better. The best part is that if he hit it on the downswing there’s no penalty. I understand moving a low hanging branch or stepping on a bush to improve your shot is a penalty but, come on!

So what if I’m in really tall grass, like heather, and in my backswing I contact a loose dead piece of heather? It impedes on my shot…it’s friggin’ tall grass! Normal fairway grass gives me agita* sometimes. Does that mean I get taxed 2 strokes? Great, now I have to inspect my surroundings for any loose blade of grass that could interfere with my takeaway.

Now that I think about it, I need to go back and readjust all of my scores. Better yet, I’ll just start my rounds with + 8. That should cover the penalties I would incur so I don’t have to explain that during my backswing somehow the O.B. marker and the rock in front of my ball got relocated roughly five feet behind me. Are we really supposed to follow the rules to that degree?

Hey, there’s a way to really mess with your foursome. Keep a copy of the rule book turned to Rule 13.4 stating that it is a two stroke penalty moving a loose impediment in takeaway. I’ll bet you set your buddies back a few strokes every round. I should also mention that the extra strokes added to their score will somehow correlate to the amount of strokes they administer on your face in the parking lot.

Hit’em Long…yell FORE!!

*Agita: (AH-GEE-TA) Heartburn, acid indigestion, The word is Italian-American slang derived from the Italian “agitare” meaning “to agitate.”

Can I Get A Ruling?

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Can the hole be changed while play is going on? (photo by Esteban Maringolo / CC BY 2.0)
Can the hole be changed while play is going on? (photo by Esteban Maringolo / CC BY 2.0)

Recently, I played nine holes at a local public course with a few friends. We weren’t able to tee off until noon because of a tournament they had running that weekend. No problem, I know the men’s or women’s association get dibs on the course, tee times, tourney’s etc… Now, what I don’t get is; Do these associations trump a paying non-members rights when they are on the course playing?

Here’s what went down. We are on the 8th hole and making our approach to the green. My ball is the only one to stay on and is about 15-20 feet from the pin. The others either roll onto the fringe or end up a few feet off in the rough. As were are heading to our balls these two guys pull up, one with a hole cutting tool and the other with the cup tool. They continue to make a new hole on the green and plug the other.

By this time we were within a few feet of them and puzzled. I’ve never seen this before…ever. Some guy just changed the hole location on us before we finished the hole. The good part is that he moved it closer to my ball but we had to ask. Their reply was that because of the weekend tournament the holes must be moved. We then ask why can’t that be done early morning before the round…like every other course does it. One of the guys comes back with that he’s a member of the men’s association, this is his job and he can’t make it back early enough tomorrow.

We let that bit of foggy, unclear bantor settle for a minute. Without stating the most obvious common sense response that you could have waited for us to finish, we let them be and continue our play. I’m still not sure if those two guys, members nonetheless, understood their lack of etiquette.

So, what would the ruling on that be?

What the Crap is a Slope Rating?

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Ko'olau Golf Club
Ko’olau Golf Club in Hawaii is widely considered one of the toughest golf courses in the world

We here at GolfStinks can appreciate playing a round of golf without understanding all the idiosyncrasies of the game that serious players, well, take seriously. But sometimes things that seem inconsequential to you can actually help put this crazy game into better perspective. Thus, I’ve decided to shed some insight on a golf measure that is rarely understood (or paid much attention to) by the weekend hack: The Slope Rating.

You see it on the score card and think “what’s this mean?” and “why do I care?” Well, chances are unless you keep a handicap, you won’t know what a slope rating is, nor will you care…but you should and here’s why: It’s true the slope rating factors into calculating a handicap, but if you don’t keep a handicap, it can still be useful. In most basic terms, a slope rating is there to help average hacks like you and me understand how tough a course is.

To give golfers an idea of its difficulty level, the USGA will assign a number (or rating) to each tee box on a course. The higher a rating, the tougher the challenge. The maximum slope rating handed out by the USGA is 155 (average is around 127 from the back tees). Currently, the only course to have a rating of 155 is the Ocean Course at Kiawah Island in South Carolina. It should be noted that Ko’olau Golf Club in Hawaii (pictured) is widely considered one of the toughest courses in the world and previously carried a slope rating of 162 from its back tees – a rating not possible under USGA rules. Ko-olau’s current rating from its tips is 152.

Anyway, there are a couple reasons a course has a high slope rating:

First reason: The course is longer. It’s been decided that 6,500 -7,000 yards is an average length for a course. Courses shorter than this will usually have a below average slope rating (e.g. less than 127 from the back tees), while courses longer than this will have a higher slope rating than the average.

Second reason: The course has a lot of defenses. Sand traps, water hazards, narrow fairways, high rough, etc. Some or all are usually present to make sure there is a sufficient challenge.

So, the next time you play, take a look at the scorecard for the course’s total yardage and slope rating from each tee box. If it’s a short course, but has a high slope rating, chances are there are good amount of defenses. If it’s long with a low rating, chances are the course is pretty wide open. If it’s a short course with a low rating, the course probably features a relatively easy layout (or features a windmill and clown’s mouth). Finally, if it’s long with a high slope, you’re on a tough course (or more likely at a PGA Tour event and are viewing the festivities from behind the yellow rope).

That being said, knowing the slope rating will help you decide which tee boxes to play from and give you an idea of what to expect as far as difficulty. Let’s face it, most stinky golfers will end up playing from the forward (white) tees, but if the course has a really low slope from there (and you feel like giving yourself more of a challenge), you might opt to play farther back.

As I’m sure many of our readers can confirm, there’s nothing worse than a bad golfer playing from the wrong tees. So check out the slope rating and make the appropriate choice based on your skill level.

Please note: The “course rating” is another measure rarely paid much attention to by the average weekend hack…and it should stay that way. This is a measure for scratch golfers and those keeping a handicap.

The Greatest Golf Rule

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usga_rules_book_2008_20091-4. Points Not Covered by Rules

“If any point in dispute is not covered by the Rules, the decision should be made in accordance with equity.”

So, let me get this straight – the USGA researches, reviews, implements and revises rules for golf every so often, right? Why? As stated above with Rule 1-4, the USGA has chiseled in stone the ultimate “Watch Their Ass” rule. This pretty much says if it’s not in the book then YOU make a FAIR judgment call and get on with it because it’s…a…rule…in…the…book. Huh? I know, confusing, but what an incredible stroke of genius! It technically means the rule book covers every situation there could be, even if it’s not in the book! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

The USGA’s rules and regulations committee have given themselves a ridiculous amount of leverage. They can dictate when or if they will be revising the rules simply because Rule 1-4 covers it all. If PGA officials approach the committee with ” We’ve had an unusual situation this past…” The USGA can interrupt with: “Hold it right there Skippy…Rule motherf$%#in’ 1-4…Now if you don’t mind you’re interfering with my nap.”

Could you imagine if this was a law passed by congress? “If any point in dispute is not covered by Constitutional, codified, uncodified, federal, state or territorial laws set forth by the appropriate means for jurisdiction within the United States of America , then you guys work it out fair n’ square cuz’ we said so and it’s the law, bitches!” Still got that pipe lying around?

Will the Slow Golfers Please Get the Hell Out of the Way?

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slow play golf

Authors Note: While I realize I’m preaching to the choir by posting this to such an audience (e.g. the golf blogger-sphere), it’s my hope the message contained here will disseminate down to those informally teaching new golfers.

“Let’s go, while we’re young!” Said Al Czervik to Judge Smails on the first tee at Bushwood Country Club in the movie Caddyshack. Slow play on the golf course is such an obvious part of the game, it has become ingrained into Hollywood fiction. More recently, Larry David “murdered” a man on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm because he was golfing too slowly. Alas, hazards on the golf course don’t stop at ponds and bunkers.

Golfers who have been playing the game for any length of time will tell tales of the inevitable slow group in front of them. In fact, I’d argue that we’re so prone to thinking the group we follow is slow, that it could be Tiger and Phil ahead of us and we’d still be ready to hit into them!

Typically, I’d say I’m pretty tolerant of a slow foursome (at least compared to my normal playing partners). But recently, we got stuck behind the slowest group I have ever seen in the 20-plus years I’ve been golfing! This group was just awful – especially one guy in particular, who we began calling “Red” (because he was wearing an equally awful red shirt).

For most of the round, the normal annoyances of playing behind a slow group were evident – you know, waiting at every tee and in every fairway; not staying loose – losing your rhythm and swing timing, etc.

But then something happened that set this experience apart from all other instances: At one point, as we were waiting on the 14th tee, Red drives back towards us in his cart. As he approached the tee, he asked us to step aside so he can re-hit because he couldn’t find his drive!

WTF?!

I once saw a sign on a course that read: “No one is offended by poor play; Everyone is offended by slow play.” Now, I understand Red was playing by the rules, but come on! If you aren’t in a tournament and you know there are people waiting behind you…Please, for the love of God, take-it-upon-yourself to bend the rules; pick up the pace; drop a ball; take an “X” on the hole and move on – or just let the group behind you play through!

But that was not the end of Red’s audacity. He promptly flubbed his second drive into the left woods and proceeded to spend about 5 minutes looking for his ball. Now up until this point, we had tolerated all of this nonsense for the mere fact we wanted to finish all 18-holes (for handicap purposes and the fact I like to finish what I start). But while Red was still searching for his ball – prolonging the inevitability of another re-tee, we drove past them and teed-off on 15 instead.

While I dislike incomplete rounds, slow play is just plain rude – especially when players clearly do not know the etiquette side of the game. Thus, I feel it necessary to implore of the choir – Is it too much to ask that we introduce new golfers to the etiquette-side of the game first, before we get into all of the rules? You’ve gotta crawl before you can walk – Initially, new golfers are going to stink regardless, so we mine-as-well teach them to be conscious of those behind them – rather than fussing over the explanation of every rule. Then, as they begin to understand what a good pace-of-play is on the course, they can learn more of the rules and begin taking the game more seriously.

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