From the earliest days of man to this very moment every culture, ethnicity, tribe etc. has influenced, used or created a calendar. They based it on some constant – usually a reference date, and were able to further develop it from there. So, I’ve taken the liberty and created my own calendar…according to Golf.
Considering I live in the Northeast and our golf season is well, seasonal, it works like this: The year will normally start with January and proceed with February, March, Golfember and December. Wait…What?!?!? Golfember? WTF?!?! Yep! you heard right, Golfember, 244 days of golfing possibilities! Now in order to keep the chaos to a minimum, Golfember follows the 7 days a week pattern but has damn near 35 weeks in it.
Don’t worry, all of the holidays are still there, for example: July 4th would be Golfember 95th and Thanksgiving would be…uhh…Thanksgiving, the thirty-fifth Thursday in Golfember. Ya dig? No more of that “What month are we in” crap!Meanwhile, we can implement all-new holidays. For example, wedged right in between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we can have Golfer’s Day. That’s where you give all the golfers in your life a present (balls, new clubs, etc.).
I know, this is exciting and it gets better. If you live in the southern part of the U.S., you lucky devils will have the option to combine January, February and March into Golfuary. Hence the calendar would be Golfuary, Golfember and December. My reasoning for keeping December is because of the great holidays that fall in that month. You know, all that giving and receiving and eating and visiting family. It’s just too much of a good thing to change.
So, in this crazy complex world we live in, I believe a little streamlining and simplifying would be refreshing…and very much welcome. As far-fetched as this may be, I think cabin-fever is setting in already and it’s only been a few days since my season ended! How long til Golfmas?
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