Have you ever had somebody walk-in on a golf conversation at the wrong time? As proper the terminology and content of the conversation may be, it’s still hard not to laugh when you overhear: “Hey, do you think my shaft is stiff enough?”
Come on, this is another great part of the game. How else can you use the words: shaft, stroke, head and balls in a conversation with an older lady and walk away without a sexual harassment charge? It’s the truth…childish but true.
Also, the word putter just makes me feel dirty. “Jack, on your way back grab my putter.” That sends a shiver down my spine. WTF! Seriously, yell that across the green and not smirk. How did golf get so unintentionally sexual? Am I the only one that gets a kick out of it? What are the odds that so many of the same terms would appear in both a porno and a golf outing – and I haven’t even mentioned the cursing and swearing.
Sometimes, I like to go out on the course and see how far I can take it with people using these “words” – as well as making up some too. For example, the word extrapify doesn’t exist as far as I know. So, to me it’s money – the next time you’re paired with some jackass, try saying the following: “Yeah, I think you need an extrapifier to separate the head from your shaft because the hozzle seems to be bad.”
Almost forgot the balls! Can’t play without balls, right? “Between the rain and this humidity my balls are really sticking…” Really, if there was a top ten this should be on it. Everybody knows that you can’t play with dirty balls so, we must embrace the ball washer and be damn proud of it. At least once a round you should proclaim how good it feels to wash your dirty balls!
Voilà! Just combo a few of these “words” together and observe – the fun that ensues will be both endless and priceless. So, go out there, have fun and yell fore!
Actually, you forgot one, Pete. Years ago, comedian Jackie Mason remarked that Arnold Palmer’s putts had made Arnold almost as much money as Jackie’s had cost Jackie. The play on words here is ‘putz,’ which is a somewhat vulgar term for a man’s… uh, ‘shaft.’
Definitely a Top 10!
Broke my ankle. Fell off the ball washer.