Golfstinks' Golf Glossary
This glossary of non-traditional golf terms is a collection of home-grown phrases, insults and names. Feel free to make your own glossary suggestion HERE and if we like it, we'll post it!
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army golf [ aarmee gawlf ]
noun
the act of hitting the ball to the extreme left and then hitting it to the extreme right on the very next shot, especially if the act is done several times in unison (left, right, left, right, forward...march)!
• What are you playing, army golf with all the left, right, left, right?
• What's with the army golf? This isn't a military course!
[Late 20th century.]
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beaver pelt [ beever pelt ]
noun
unusually large divot (typically subsequent of your average stinky golf shot).
• Wow, are you making yourself a beaver pelt?
•
Here, I'll flip your beaver pelt back to you so you can replace it.
[15th century. Origin uncertain: perhaps from Old French pelete, literally “a small skin,” from pel “skin,” from Latin pellis.] See also beefsteak.
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beefsteak [ béef stàyk ]
noun
unusually large divot (typically subsequent of your average stinky golf shot).
• Look at the size of that beefsteak!
• Here, I'll flip your beefsteak back to you so you can replace it.
[Late 20th century. Ultimately from a slice of lean, tender beef that can be broiled or fried.] See also beaver pelt.
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caliche [ ké leechee ]
noun
any scrub brush or heavy rough on a golf course in which your ball will undoubtedly become lost in.
•
Crap. That’s in the caliche.
•
I would have made the green had it not been for all that f---ing caliche.
[Mid-19th century. True meaning: A layer of clay or sand containing minerals, for example, sodium nitrate and sodium chloride, found in arid regions of South America. Ultimately from American Spanish.]
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cart golf [ kart gawlf ]
noun
when two golfers sharing the same golf cart hit their shots in the same general direction.
•
You guys are playing cart golf, nice job!
•
You know, it would be good cart golf etiquette if you hooked yours into the woods too.
[Late 20th century.]
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Cuban [ kjubin ]
noun
while putting, when the ball reaches the edge of the hole but fails to drop in.
•
Jumping up and down isn't going to help, that Cuban's not falling in.
•
These greens must be a tad slow, that's my third Cuban today!
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to Cuba. Named such because like the country, all the ball needed was one more revolution.]
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Four Fores, the [ the for fors ]
noun
an insult for a golf foursome that plays extremely poorly (all four people in this group will undoubtedly yell "fore!" after each shot).
•
Oh no, we're playing behind the Four Fores again.
•
You better wait before playing your shot, the Four Fores are teeing-off over there.
•
Hey, it's the Four Fores! You guys aren't playing behind us, are you?
[Early 21st century. See also Shanks, Hook, Skull & Slice.]
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hand wedge [ hand wej ]
noun
when the game of golf becomes so frustrating, you physically pick up the ball and hurl it towards the green.
•
That hand wedge was your first straight shot of the day!
•
Nice hand wedge, bettcha couldn't do that with your lob!
[Early 21th century.]
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hit a house [ hit a hous ]
phrase
while putting, this phrase is shouted when it's obvious the ball is going well-past the hole.
•
Slow down ball! Hit a house!
•
Oh boy, this ball needs to hit a house!
[Mid-20th century. The word "house" may be substituted with any other suitable noun (e.g. Hit a planet; or Hit an aircraft carrier; etc.]
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MOFOBETE [ mo-fo betty ]
noun
the person (usually female) that drives the food cart around on a golf course to sell beer, water and snacks to the golfers.
•
I'm thirsty, when's the MOFOBETE coming around?
•
I hope the MOFOBETE on this course is a hottie.
[Early 21st century. Acronym formed from "MObile FOod & BEverage TEchnician."]
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photo finish [ foto finish ]
noun
while putting, when the ball pauses for a second before dropping into the hole.
•
Check it out, my ball posed for a photo finish!
•
Nice photo finish on that putt.
•
You almost had a Cuban, but ended up with a photo finish!
[Early 21st century.]
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Saddam [ sa'dam ]
pronoun
an insult for somebody who hits a shot from one bunker into another.
•
Hey Saddam, you must really like the beach!
•
Let's putt-out while we wait for Saddam to rake those two traps.
[Early 21st century. Ultimately a reference to Saddam Hussein going from bunker to bunker just prior to his capture in Iraq.]
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Sally [ sállee ]
pronoun
an insult for somebody who shows weakness (usually shouted at an individual if they leave their putt well-short of the hole).
•
You Sally! Give it a chance to go in!
•
Aw, what a Sally…now you’ve got some work left to sink that one.
•
[or if the person is male] Hey Sally, maybe next time your husband can play with us!
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to the phrase “Crybaby Sally.”]
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Shanks, Hook, Skull & Slice [ Shangks, Hook, Skul & Slis ]
pronoun
the names of the foursome teeing-off nearby while you're awaiting to play a ball from another fairway, tee-box or green (these people will undoubtedly have you ducking for cover).
•
Sorry, I had to crouch behind a tree while Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice teed-off.
•
I would have hit a better shot, but Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice over there were making me nervous.
[Early 21st century. See also Four Fores, the]
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tennis shoe crowd [ ténniss shoo krowd ]
phrase
persons whom play golf so infrequently, they do not sport the usual golf styles or equipment (these people are easily spotted on th e course because they are playing with vintage garage sale clubs, wearing a t-shirt or wife-beater, jean shorts and donning tennis shoes).
•
I hate playing here, I always feel over-dressed for the tennis shoe crowd.
•
Check it out, the tennis shoe crowd in front of us just drove their cart into the pond.
[Mid 20th century.]
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toe iron [ tow eye-earn ]
noun
the act of using one's foot to improve one's lie.
•
I think I'll use the toe iron to safely clear this tree.
•
I saw that toe iron, so don't think you can get away with that crap!
[Early 21th century.]
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Trekkie golf [ Trekee gawlf ]
noun
an insult for somebody who hits their shot far out of bounds or deep into the woods.
•
That ball's long gone! You must be playing Trekkie golf.
•
Holy Trekkie golf! That ball went Warp speed into the undiscovered country!
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to Star Trek. Named such because the person's ball is said to have gone where no ball has gone before.]
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victory lap [ viktore lap ]
noun
while putting, when the ball circles the hole before dropping into the cup.
•
I thought I missed my putt, but the ball was just doing a victory lap!
•
Not only did it drop for a birdie, but it did a victory lap too!
[Late 20th century. On rare occasions, the ball may do a victory lap and then actually pose for a photo finish before dropping into the cup.]
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(suggested additions to the glossary may be submitted here: glossary@golfstinks.com)