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Bigfoot Stole My Golf Ball

February 17, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

bigfoot stole my golf ball
I think Bigfoot just stole my golf ball!

Have you ever hit what you thought to be a awesome drive, only to have your ball disappear on you? Well, I’ve been a victim of this “phenomenon” so many times, I started wondering where all those golf balls could’ve ended up. I mean, are there millions of golf balls lost in some vortex somewhere? To me, it seems very fishy whenever your golf ball pulls a Houdini act.

Can’t you envision Bigfoot (or some other “thing”) lumbering out to the fairway from the trees, pausing to look around for a second, then snatching your golf ball before retreating into the depths of the underbrush? Don’t laugh, like a creepy forest, scary house or old cemetery, golf courses are not immune to reports of strange activity…

In Roxborough, Colorado, two course workers were picking up the flags one evening at Arrowhead Golf Course. As they approached the 13th hole, they noticed a large whitish-grey, human-like figure approximately 7- to 8-feet tall. The workers high-tailed it out of there, but returned a few minutes later in a golf cart that had headlights. Unfortunately, the creature was gone and left no visible tracks. I’ll bet he had a sack full of golf balls on his back too. Was it Bigfoot?

On Runaway Bay Golf Course in Wise County, Texas recently, a maintenance worker found a dead Chupacabra. Tony Potter scooped-up the creature and delivered it to authorities after his wife wouldn’t let him keep it in their freezer (you can’t make this stuff up). Of course, local authorities “are baffled” by the thing and are awaiting test results to find out what it is. Could the Chupacabra be sucking Top-Flite’s dry of their playability?

Meanwhile, in England, it appears golf balls are getting beamed-up by alien spacecraft. In the 1990’s, a man playing Weald Park Golf Club in Essex spotted a “solid-shaped dome” hovering by some trees in broad daylight. The man hurried to the next tee to gain a better vantage point, but the object had disappeared. Then, in July 2008, two people spotted a “saucer-shaped object” hovering around the town of Harborough’s golf course. According to the witnesses, the craft “kept circling over the golf course, disappearing behind trees and then becoming visible again.” Most recently, a man spotted “orange balls” over Ufford Park hotel and golf course in Suffolk. The incident happened only a few miles from one of Britain’s most famous UFO sightings in 1980.

Finally, in New Orleans’ City Park, if you play the old East Course, don’t be surprised if you witness a murder…or, at least think you do. Golfers there swear they overhear the sounds of two women golfing, and then one of the women getting shot! Eerily, a woman actually was shot on the course in the early 1960’s. And that’s not the only phantom on the course – keep a sharp eye for a man standing in the rough, watching you play though (he’s on the prowl for Pro V1’s no doubt). The man is thought to be the ghost of famous golfer and club maker, Blackie Pustaino. Pustaino passed in 2001 and was buried with his favorite golf trophy. In a haunting twist, a golfer recently found the trophy, which just happened to be lying in the rough on the 18th hole of the old East Course.

So, the next time you hit a what appears to be a great shot, only to be unable to find your ball – don’t rule out the paranormal. After all, USGA rule 18-1 states: “If a ball at rest is moved by an outside agency [e.g. our pal Bigfoot], there is no penalty and the ball must be replaced.” Of course, I could be watching too many episodes of Ghost Hunters, MonsterQuest and Destination Truth for my own good…

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: arrowhead, bigfoot, chupacabra, city park, destination truth, flying saucer, ghost hunters, ghosts, harborough, monsterquest, runaway bay, Sasquatch, ufford park, ufo, weald park

10 Surefire Signs You’re in for a Long Afternoon on the Golf Course

February 10, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 8 Comments

Ever have one of those days on the golf course?
Ever have one of those days on the golf course?

I started playing golf at the age of 14. In the ensuing 20+ years, I (like many) have developed the ability to accurately gauge golfers just by looking at them.

Now don’t get me wrong – you can’t always judge a book by its cover, but any of the signs below usually mean I’m in for a long (and somewhat interesting) afternoon on the links – and all this can be ascertained BEFORE you actually tee-off on the first hole. Let’s take a look at some easy observations:

1. They carry a ball retriever
There it is, sticking out of the golf bag like a sore thumb. Whether it’s used to fish-out their own errant shot or the errant shot of somebody else, it’s going to come out of the bag and the rest of us are going to have to wait. “But I can get it, I see it right there…” This is golf, not fishing…drop a ball and move on.

2. They’re bringing more than one ball up to the tee
You know these people – they will load their pockets with golf balls before stepping up to each tee, figuring they will probably take at least one (maybe two or three) Mulligans. You know, it’s a good mental strategy to leave the extra ball in your bag. Oh well, hopefully they’re only playing nine.

3. They’re a member of the “Tennis Shoe Crowd”
They say you have to have patience to play golf. I think it’s for when you are paired with a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd. Usually sporting a wife-beater, cut-offs and tennis shoes – these people play golf once, maybe twice in a decade. If you get paired with them, I guess it’s your lucky day!

4. There’s beer in the cart basket
This could be trouble – especially if it’s a cooler full of beer…double-trouble if there’s 5 or 6 cans already empty. Don’t get me wrong, I love beer. But the cart isn’t a portable keg and the ensuing lawsuits stemming from a golf cart packed with alcohol are endless…

5. They’ve got golf gloves on both hands
Tom, our co-founder here at Golfstinks, wears two gloves constantly on the course – even to putt (see figure 1). Tom’s a great guy and we’ve been friends for years, but I just don’t get the two gloves thing – it’s just strange…and typically so is anyone else you may encounter wearing two golf gloves. On a side note, Tom also carried a ball retriever in his bag until a few years ago…

6. They’re playing range balls
This should be an obvious tip-off you’re in for an interesting round…and was actually witnessed by me on the first-tee one time (hard not to notice the double stripes painted on the ball). Sometimes you just have to shake your head in amazement.

7. If duct tape is holding any of their club-heads on
Another obvious sign of trouble. Stinky Golfer Pete has witnessed this first-hand. In fear for his life, he literally hid behind the cart every time the person tee-off.

8. If they take more than 3 practice swings
There’s no reason for this at all – that’s why there’s a driving range. One or two swings is common. Three swings is pushing it. More than three? Settle in – it’s going to be a long day.

9. If they’re bragging about how good they are
This makes me stop in my tracks – I’m almost hesitant to shake the guy’s hand. We haven’t even teed-off and he’s already letting the rest of us know about the 78 he shot last time out. Inevitably, this person will double-bogey the first hole and then proceed to hack-up the rest of the course (reminding us the whole time by constantly saying: “I’m really off my game today”).

And finally…
10. They’re teaching another member of the foursome how to grip a club
If you see this (or see them teaching someone how to swing, stand, put the tee in the ground, etc.), you seriously need to reconsider how much you really want to play that day.

So the next time you’re paired-up with someone, be observant and prepare mentally. And if you know of any other pre-round signs out there – help us all out by leaving a comment.

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: ball retriever, golf ball, golf cart, golf course, slow play, tennis shoe crowd

Would You Play a Brown Golf Course?

February 3, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 5 Comments

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Is this golf course burned or intentionally left to brown? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Imagine this: You and your golf buddies have saved all year to take a winter golf trip down to the Sunshine State. Naturally, you’ve picked the courses based on how lush and green they look on their respective websites. You’ve packed the clubs, boarded your flight, touched-down to 80-degree weather and arrived on the first tee…only to find a lot more brown than you expected.

WTF? Well, you may be looking at a new reality in golf…but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“The problem with golf is one of expectations. The ‘Augusta effect’, by which golfers at courses around the world come to identify a certain look with perfection, and to believe that they should get that look wherever and whenever they play…”

The quote above was taken from the April 2008 edition of Golf Course Architecture. The article highlights the environmental issues with overseeding – a common practice at golf courses to keep grass (bermuda grass in most cases) looking lush during the winter months.

To overseed, courses use many resources, not-the-least of which is water. Not only is the practice wasteful, but it’s expensive. But now with the economy struggling, many golf courses simply can’t afford the extra water, seed and irrigation. What’s more, labor and fertilizer costs become pricey because overseeding leads to more weeds and increased risks associated with preparing the course for spring. As a result, some courses have stopped the overseeding process altogether, which saves the course money but diminishes lushness and that bright green grass we as golfers have come to expect.

But brown grass doesn’t equal bad grass. In the December 2009 issue of Golf Magazine, Dr. Stacey Bonos suggests that being brown “doesn’t mean the grass is unplayable.” In fact, the author of the Golf Course Architecture article exclaims this type of grass “is a fantastic playing surface, tight, firm and bouncy, with great rollout.” So really, we just need to get over that brown color. Dr. Bonos adds: “…agronomists and course superintendents have been working to alter the mind-set of golfers and clubs, who have come to expect grass to be pure green.”

In addition, the USGA’s Green Section Record recently published an article entitled “Breaking the Winter Green Addiction” that blames course marketing materials for sending the wrong impression:

“Flip through the pages of any golf or travel magazine and there will be numerous advertisements with photos of lush, green, highly manicured Florida golf courses. The majority of these pictures are taken during the summer, when grass is actively growing and indeed lush and green.”

The article points out that tourists want to play golf in Florida during the fall, winter and spring – when the courses’ natural state would not be so lush or green – which is why courses started overseeding in the first place. But reversing the overseeding trend is not limited to Florida. Many courses in the US – including the south and southwest – and also many courses internationally are slowly reducing their overseeding process.

That being said, I’ve spoken with Spanish golf environmental consultant Alejandro Nagy, who supports letting courses go brown for about three months of the year. In a recent article on elperiodigolf.com, Mr. Nagy reports that due to the “complicated climate” on the Iberian Peninsula, courses use just one grass type for both summer and winter play – adding that despite an “ugly face” during the winter, the courses have the same playability.

So does this mean our winter golf getaways will be tarnished by beige blades of grass? Not necessarily.

Alternative water sources, such as effluent water and seawater, can be used on courses for far less money than typical water sources – helping to reduce water waste. But this solution has drawbacks too – like the adverse reaction many types of grass have to saltwater. Nevertheless, studies are currently underway to ascertain which types of grass work best with alternative water supplies.

In the meantime, it appears we may have to endure aesthetics that are not exactly up to our “Augusta” expectations. But everything I’ve read for this post claims that’s a good thing – the challenge is to get average golfers to embrace this notion too. And being an average guy myself, who am I to disagree? I say bring on the brown!

Filed Under: Health & Environment Tagged With: alejandro nagy, augusta national, elperiodigolf, environment, golf course architecture, green section record, overseeding, USGA

Apple takes Golf into the 21st Century

January 28, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

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Ready for tons of cool golf-related apps? (photo by Intel Free Press / CC BY 2.0)

With the announcement of the new Apple iPad yesterday, it’s obvious my brain is going to be fed by more and more electronic sources – and this includes stuff about golf.

Now you can read your favorite golf magazines right on the iPad and take it with you to the doctor’s, while traveling, or even on the course. It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But this tech-revolution has already begun. It’s rare in other sports to use technology while playing the game, but that has now become a reality with golf.

Golf course GPS systems have been slowly growing in popularity over the last decade, albeit to a rather specific group of technophiles who also golf (I’ve yet to play with someone who actually uses one). But now, rather than having to buy a separate, bulky device, you can download any golf-related GPS app (at a fraction of the cost, I might add) right to your iPhone (a device that is extremely mainstream and still growing in popularity). Here’s a thorough review that looks at two of these apps.

Meanwhile, there’s also golf apps to help track your handicap; keep your scores; improve and analyze your swing; and estimate yardage by using the iPhone’s built-in camera! There’s even a non-golf app that tells you the current wind speed, which Golf Blogger in the UK suggests you use for golf. Of course I haven’t even mentioned all the golf games you can play on your mobile devices. Perhaps the next generation iPhone will have a retractable divot-repair tool and an Apple logo on the back that can double as a removable ball marker.

I haven’t been immune either: I recently downloaded the new USGA Rules of Golf app to my iPhone. I used to carry an outdated copy of the rules in my golf bag, and would thumb-through the pages frantically looking for a ruling before the group behind us began hitting drives past our foursome. No longer. The USGA Rules app is extremely easy to navigate around and find what you’re looking for.

Perhaps most paradoxically though, golf has historically been a game that people play to escape the cubicle- and power cord-lined world they exist within. And to this end, many, I’m sure, will refrain from mixing gadgets with greens. But for many others, iPhones and the like have become personal caddies on the course – guiding us through the holes with digital precision. Encouragingly, for those whom fit the former profile, when you see me staring at my phone by that lateral water hazard, be thankful I’m not fumbling through the pages of my old rule book instead!

Filed Under: Reviews Tagged With: app store, apple, golf app, iPad, iphone, tablet

Do Golf Course Rankings Matter?

January 20, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

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Augusta National is among the top courses in the world (photo by Dan Perry / CC BY 2.0)

Surely for the average golfer, the thought of playing golf’s most celebrated courses is a fun thing to daydream about. To this end, some golf-related publications produce a “top course” list for us to ponder while stuffed in our cubicles or reclining on our porcelain thrones.

But beyond the “daydream” factor, do these lists merely serve as a badge of honor for the courses they contain? And furthermore, how accurate can they be? Golf Magazine and Golf Digest probably produce the most popular “top course” lists. A look inside how they compile their rankings sheds light on some flaws in their methodology.

Let’s first look at Golf Magazine’s method: Golf Magazine uses just 100 panelists to compile the top courses for the entire world. How can this be? There’s over 30,000 golf courses in the world, how can 100 people play them all? Answer: They can’t, and they don’t. You see, Golf Magazine has already narrowed that 30,000 down to around 400. How? They’re not saying. Nevertheless, we now have 400 courses for these 100 people to play and rank. But wait, not all 100 people have played these 400 courses. What? That’s right – the 100 panelists have not played all the courses. As such, panelists can only vote for courses they have played. Also, course architects and course owners on the panel (why are these people on the panel in the first place?) can’t vote for courses they are affiliated with (is it me or is this starting to get a little hairy?).

Meanwhile, Golf Digest’s method is even more vague, which is a little alarming seeing as they produce more lists (including one for top public courses and one for best new courses). At least they have an expanded range of panelists (more than 900 men and women) and grade courses on seven different criteria – but that’s about all we know. Who are these 900 people and how are they chosen? What courses do they play and how is that determined?

Perhaps most intriguingly, neither magazine considers price when calculating its rankings. While it makes sense to compile a list strictly based on course quality, it would also be nice to see a “Top 100 Under $100” list, or at least one that takes greens fees into consideration (for its part, Golf Digest does sort its top 100 public tracks by price, but only 20 of them are under $100).

The reality is, most of the courses on these lists include private and/or pricey facilities that do little more than mock us – relegating our daydreams to improbable realities. The likelihood of an Average Joe playing more than one or two top courses in his/her lifetime is slim-to-none (if you do, you write a book about it and/or spend nearly a quarter million dollars to play them all). Alas, for most of us, we must walk Amen Corner in our minds and then digress back to our everyday lives.

So considering the sketchy methodologies and the general uselessness of these lists, does any of it really matter? Sure, I guess its nice to daydream, or to boast that you’ve played one of the “top 100.” But as for practical purposes; Give me a list of courses I’d be able to start booking tee-times at tomorrow.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: augusta national, golf digest, Golf Magazine, greatest courses, top 100 courses

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